“NO!” I scream, bursting through the door and plowing down the hallways to my door. Wide open.

The figure in the doorway looks menacing, and is still holding the gun out. Logic completely turns off and I take her down. The fucking bitch ruined my Gabby’s life. I hear another shot as I take her down, but my switch has been flipped, and I’m in attack mode. Nobody comes into my home and tries taking the only thing I love from me.

Nobody.

“Mother FUCKER,” I scream, plowing into her face until all I see is red. This bitch called me a half hour ago telling me what she was going to do. Fucking crazy cunt, knowing full well I was far away from home. She’s good as dead when my fist gets done with her.

Son of a bitch!

“Benton!” Adam yells from the hallway. I don’t stop. I can’t stop.

Jesus Christ, hitting something feels fantastic.

“Fuck, B!” Adam screams, hopping over me into the apartment. I throw a few good punches, though I’m fairly certain she’s good as dead since it’s been a few hits since she stopped moving.  Standing, I spit on her lifeless body, and look where Adam ran to, immediately falling to my knees.

Oh, shit.

“Oh, fuck… no. No, baby, no,” I cry, feeling the bile rise. Fuck!

“Benton, get the fuck over here!” he yells back at me, lifting her body and trying to find a pulse.

I can’t move, though. I can’t… I can’t.

“Fuck, B! Get your goddamned phone out, and call 911! She’s got a fucking pulse, but it’s weak,” he says, cradling Gabby’s bloody body on his lap.

“Oh my god,” I whisper, managing to crawl over to her. I hear Adam curse and see him pull his phone from his pocket, but she’s so pale. She’s… she’s grey.

Oh fuck fuck fuck no.

I hear Hannah crying and see her in her bouncer, right around the corner, Gabby’s blood splattering her clothes.

No…. no no this can’t be happening.

“Gabby,” I cry, laying myself on top of her. “Oh fuck, no baby.” My hands are shaking as I take her body in my arms. There’s no movement from here, and only a very light breath coming from her nose. Shit! I can’t lose her. I can’t lose her!

“Fuck!” I scream as Adam tries finding her wound. God, there’s so much blood.

I cry harder than I cried when I lost Carly. I cry harder than when my mom died. Jesus, why do I keep losing the people I love? Adam picks up Hannah and tries to calm her, but I don’t leave Gabby’s side. There’s two holes where she was shot, so I apply pressure as best as I can but she’s not responding at all. No moaning, no movement… nothing. Fuck!

I cry for Gabby and her life she’s going to miss. I cry for Hannah. I cry for every fucked up thing that has made my world so terribly depressing. When the paramedics come in, they have to physically pull me off of her to get to her.

I’m numb. When they wheel her out, Adam stays with Hannah so I can ride with Gabby. There’s beeping in the ambulance, but that doesn’t mean she’s alive. She’s so cold.

“She’s cold,” I mutter, taking her hand in mine. Is this the last time I’ll hold her hand? Oh, fuck. Shit!

“Here,” one of the paramedics in the front seat hands me back a blue blanket, and I drape it over the lower part of her body as the other men and women in the ambulance with me work on her to keep her alive.

Staring numbly, I watch them applying pressure to the bullet holes, checking machines, cutting clothes. I barely remember them taking her from me when we make it to the hospital… I can’t move. I can’t do this all over again.

The driver tells me where I can wait for her, so I numbly walk and sit in a room filled with other people. I think I’m going to pass out.

I can’t do this again.

Closing my eyes, I block out every noise and moment in the room. I’m not here. I’m not waiting in a hospital room, sitting here while someone I love is being worked on. I’m not doing this for the third time in a fucking year.

This can’t be real.

I’m not sure how long it’s been. I don’t know what time we left the house, what time we got here. I don’t know if she’s alive or dead.

She can’t be dead. I’ve gone from sad, to numb, to pissed since I’ve been sitting here. Pissed at the world because it apparently hates me.

“Hey, man,” I hear Adam say, sitting down next to me.

“Where’s my daughter?” I mumble, wondering why the last time I saw him he was going to stay with her, now he’s here with me, and she’s nowhere in sight.

“Annaliese has her. You shouldn’t be here alone, B.”

“I’m fine. Your time is precious, Mr. Chicago. Don’t waste it on me.”

“I’m not taking offense by that because I know you’re hurting,” he says. “I’m also not going anywhere. Get used to it.”

He leans back in his seat, and puts his hands behind his head, making himself comfortable for the long haul.

Hours pass and we still haven’t heard anything. It shouldn’t be taking this long, right? We should have heard something by now.

“Mr. James?” A nurse says from the doors to the surgery doors.

It’s not a doctor. She doesn’t look sad… that’s a good sign, right? Adam stands and pats my back, reminding me that he’s still here for me. Even if we haven’t talked since he got here.

I can’t. I don’t know what to talk about, and I definitely don’t want to relive the phone call I got. We were just getting ready to leave work when it came through. The minute I head the scratchy voice on the other end of the phone, I knew it wasn’t going to be anything good. When she told me, “I hope you kissed her goodbye this morning. It’ll be the last kiss you’ll ever have on her warm lips”, I lost it. Adam came running after me and we made it to my place in record time… but I wasn’t fast enough.

“If you want to sign a few things for us, Mr. James, you’ll be able to come see the doctor. Without you two being married, it’s a little different, but she has no next of kin and she’s so groggy that we’re taking your word on being her fiancé.” She looks over at Adam and shrugs. “I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to stay out here, Mr. Callahan.”

He chuckles and smiles. “First time I’ve ever been turned down.”

“Get used to it,” I grumble as I start to fill out the mounds of paperwork.

By the time I’m done, I’m shaking with nerves while I wait for someone to take me to her. She’s alive, and that’s all that matters.

“Mr. James, this way please,” the nurse from before says from the doorway. Walking behind her, she stops at an office first. There’s a young doctor in a white coat going over some files. When the nurse announces who I am, he stops and looks sadly at me.

Fuck.

“Hey, Benton,” he says. “Have a seat, please.” He motions to a chair in his office, and I look at the nurse.

I thought I was going to see my girl?

“Come on, it’ll be fast. I’ve been on my feet for a long time. Just need a break,” he says, sitting in his chair.

“Benton, Gabby went through a lot today. One bullet hit a rib and splintered out, piercing vital organs. We’ve repaired them, but, in order to get to a few of the pieces, we had to cut her open in a few spots. She also had a shot in the shoulder that went all the way through, but hit a few nerves on its route. Unfortunately, repairing those won’t be so easy. There’s a surgery scheduled for the morning to attempt to mend some of the pieces. Her body couldn’t take much more today… she already lost so much blood before she got here.” He sighs and rakes his hands through his hair. Watching him, I see how exhausted he is. He was probably the doctor that worked on her, and he looks that wore out. Fuck. “She’ll have to undergo a lot of physical therapy and, even with that, she might not ever have full function of her arm. She’s going to be sore, angry, and probably more depressed than she already was.”

I narrow my eyes at him and he chuckles.