He continues to laugh, but it has softened. “Yes, to answer your question, I have been arrested before.”

“For what?” I don’t know what it is about him admitting that, but it makes him even hotter. All I can do now is imagine his hands cuffed behind his back allowing me to have my way with him. What has happened to me?

“Drugs,” he replies with no shame.

“What were you doing with the drugs?” I dig deeper.

He runs his hand down his chin; the sound of his hand rubbing against his facial hair makes me smile. I love that sound. “A friend gave me a number to a man who I was told had what I was looking for. Everything was going fine until I found out it had been a setup. Cops swarmed the place, and I got arrested.” He shrugs carelessly.

“Case, I’m sure it was much more intense than you just made it sound,” I inform him.

He sighs. “What do you want me to say, Taylor? I answered your question. I got arrested. It was a setup. I spent some time in jail.”

“Was that the only time you’ve been arrested?”

“No,” he answers flatly.

I sigh. “Did you fight the cops?” Savannah had said she heard that he had beat up a cop once.

He rolls his eyes but answers my question. “Yes.” He points up at the scar above his right eye. “That’s how I got this. And several other scars.” His eyes drop down to his hands as he fists them.

“All because of drugs?” I whisper.

He closes his eyes for a long second as he takes in a deep breath. When he opens them and looks down at me, his voice is hard. “Yes.”

“Why do you still do it?” I ask confused.

He lifts his hands and places them on his head as he arches it back and lets out a frustrated sigh. “Because it’s what I do,” he says through clenched teeth. “I can’t change who I am, Taylor. Not even for you.”

I feel like he just stabbed me in the chest. “I’m not trying to change you,” I say softly. “I just don’t get why you choose to do something that could end your life.”

He laughs at that. “End my life?” he repeats. “That’s a little extreme, don’t you think?”

“No.” I push myself up on my elbows and look up at him. “I know I have never been a part of your world but that doesn’t mean I don’t see the effects it can have on people. My father …”

“Your father has an addiction,” he interrupts me. “He let it take over his life. He allowed it to eat at him until he willingly gave up everything for one more hit.”

“How do you know you won’t be at that point someday?” I ask sadly. “Don’t you want to have a future? Don’t you want to one day live somewhere else besides in a club?” He just stares at me, that mask of emotion over his face. “Do you ever see yourself settling down and having a family?”

“No,” he says immediately. No thought needed. Just plain and simple no.

I look away from him because his answer hurt. Not because of me, but because he doesn’t want that kind of love. He doesn’t want to experience falling in love, settling down, and starting a family of his own.

I push him off me, and thankfully, he moves away easily. I get off the bed and walk out of my room. All of a sudden, I need a shower. I feel dirty.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

 

CASE

I fall down on the bed and look up at the ceiling. I let out a growl in frustration, fisting my hands in the air. Fuck, this is fucking with my mind. Now, what am I going to do? How much longer can I lie to this woman? The bigger question is why do I fucking care that I’m lying to her? She’s nobody! She’s just another woman who I’ve taken to bed and now I’m letting her fuck with my head.

I told her that she was mine. And that I was hers. And I don’t even regret that. I don’t know what happened last night, but something changed when we went out.

When we are at the club and both working, I don’t have time to sit down and watch her. Touch her. Last night, I felt every time she stiffened. I could feel every time her body shook when she was scared or even just uncomfortable. I hated myself for putting her in that situation, but it had to be done. I had to parade her around like my faithful little pet. And I did; the only thing she was missing was a collar and leash. I felt proud when she clung to me as Rox looked at her as if he wanted a fucking piece of her. And I was telling her the truth a while ago about wanting to fuck her right there to prove a point. I was just as jealous as she was.

Hell, she drank so much her true feelings came out about me. And jealousy was the last thing I expected her to feel for me. Grossed out. Ashamed. Instead, she showed how much she wants me.

I look over at her dresser and look at the picture of her family. My chest tightens at the thought of her asking me if I ever wanted that. I did at one point in time, but guys like me don’t do families. Don’t settle down. As I look at her family picture, I see Taylor standing there with a son, a daughter, and a husband by her side, and my jaw clenches. I can’t imagine her with someone else. Just the thought fucking kills me. So what are you gonna do, Case?

I slowly get up and place my jeans on followed by my shirt. I leave it undone because she ripped all of my buttons off it a while ago. Once dressed, I sit back down on the bed not really knowing what to do next.

“I figured you would be gone.”

I look over where she stands in the doorway. Her hair over one shoulder still wet and her towel wrapped around herself. And my cock starts to harden. Just as it did the first time I saw her naked in that hallway behind her.

“I didn’t know you wanted me to go,” I say as if I couldn’t care less I’m still here.

She sighs. “It’s your choice.” Then she turns, giving me her back, and walks away.

I jump out of bed and run after her. I come up behind her in the hallway and turn her around. I look down at her narrowed eyes. “This is why you don’t share your past. This is why you don’t ask questions about future plans,” I growl. “This right here is why you say fuck all that and just worry about right now.”

“I’m not like you, Case,” she snaps.

“I know,” I say softening my voice. “And that’s what I like about you,” I say honestly. That is what makes it so hard to walk away from her. She’s fresh air. She is a new beginning. She makes me feel like I’m not pretending to be something I’m not. But of course, I can’t tell her any of that. She would just have more questions that I could not answer.

“This is stupid.” Her eyes fall to her bare feet. “I’m arguing with you about something that shouldn’t even matter.”

But it does matter. “I agree,” I say lifting her chin. “So can we just forget it?” You do know this means you can’t ask her questions about herself, right? You can’t want to know about her if you can’t tell her about yourself. That realization hurts.

“Sure,” she says with a careless shrug. I’ve pissed her off. Again. “We’ll play by your rules, Case. But when I decide to quit playing, you can’t blame me for it.” And with that, I let her walk back to the bathroom.

I hang my head like a fucking whipped dog and walk back into her room. I sit on the end of her bed and place my head in my hands. Every part of my life is a secret. I couldn’t even tell her much about Brecken. I couldn’t tell her that he is the best friend I could ever have. That he has saved my life more times than I can count. And more importantly, I wouldn’t be here today if he hadn’t saved my life back when I was seventeen.

My body silently shakes from the cold rain that pours down on me. I hang my head and close my eyes as I pray for it to drown me. Pray for it to pull me deeper into this ocean of madness. The only people who could save me, who give me a reason to live, have left me behind.

You weren’t worth it, Case!

I reach up, dig my fingers into my hair, and grip it tightly. I pull on it as hard as I can making my scalp sting as I scream out. The sky decides to scream with me as thunder booms so loud the ground shakes. I drop my head. Too full of shame. Guilt. Why didn’t you save them? How could you let your family down like that? You’re such a disgrace. You don’t deserve to live!