No person should feel this alone.

I lowered myself to the floor. Gingerly, watching him, I pushed the gun away, lifted his hand to the tub ledge and laid mine over it.

I didn’t have to ask about the booze. Anniversary week.

“You should get out of Maine,” I said. “Go somewhere else, till it’s over.”

“It’s never over.”

“Why do you have the gun?” My hand tightened. “If I have to sit here on suicide watch, I will.”

“Don’t worry. Too much of a coward to do it that way.” He laughed, unpleasantly. “I like to touch it.”

His talisman.

In a box in my room were three hand-carved wooden figures. Sometimes, while Ellis was away, or sleeping, I touched the box. Sometimes I opened it and touched them.

We’re not so different, Max. Holding on to our ghosts.

“I’ll come by,” I said. “On the day of.”

He bared his teeth. Not sure if it was supposed to be a smile.

“If I have to sit on your porch in the snow, I will. I’m a stubborn bitch. You know that.” I rubbed his knuckles. “You texted me for a reason. You want to talk.”

“You don’t come around anymore. I missed you.”

“I’ve been busy. And you were being weird about my girlfriend.”

It still gave me a little jolt, to call her that.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you. Either of you. I wanted to protect you.”

I looked at the hand beneath mine. “Ellis is a good person, Max. Better than I deserve. I wish you knew her the way I do.”

“I wish you knew her the way I do.”

“How is that?”

“She’s hurt you. You don’t understand yet, but you will.”

“No more of this ominous shit, okay?” I pressed his hand. “I love her. No matter what, I will always love her. You know what it’s like. You felt it for Ryan. That love will never change.”

“You’re young to be so wise.”

“It’s been a hard life. Makes you grow up fast.”

“I missed this, Morgan. Your voice, your face. I missed you.”

Everything. Slowed. Down.

Morgan.

I turned his hand over. Traced the smooth skin of his palm with a fingertip. Looked up. He was watching me.

“You weren’t there,” I whispered. “I saw everyone who walked through the door. You weren’t there.”

His eyes searched mine.

What had I missed? Someone in the restroom, or already seated? Dane took pics of the café; we scrutinized them later. No one looked remotely familiar.

I let go of Max and stood, dizzy.

“Don’t leave me,” he said.

Oh, god.

I rummaged in my coat for my phone.

Tell Ellis. Call for backup.

“You came into my life,” he said. “You came in and made me feel alive again. And then you left. I need you. Please.”

“How dare you, after what you did to me.”

“What have I done?”

His face was dashed now in candle flame, now shadow. I couldn’t read the look in his eyes.

“You catfished me. Fucked with my head, and my heart. Led me on a wild-goose chase.”

“Wild-goose chase?”

“I knew it was you. You coward, watching me on cam. Bitching out in Boston. Do you know how much you fucked me up?”

“It was only a few minutes. I couldn’t stand it.” He glanced away. “You’re like a daughter to me. It felt wrong.”

“Don’t fucking call me that. That’s disgusting.”

“I mean it. I couldn’t watch. I wanted to pay you to stop.”

“You did. You paid me to stop camming for anyone else.” I knelt to his level, met those vivid blue eyes. “This is why you were always casting aspersions on Ellis. Trying to play me against her. Your ‘archnemesis.’ You fucking asshole.”

Max sat up straighter. “Watch your mouth. I said it was only a few minutes. Then you left, to do a show for someone.”

I was breathing hard. He faced me, unflinching.

“You were there every night, Max. For months. You and me.”

“You’ve got me mixed up with somebody.”

“What, you just stumbled across my site, despite the region ban? Accidentally used a VPN?”

He shrugged. “It’s all Greek to me. I understand joints and ball bearings. Not ones and zeroes.”

“How did you find me?”

“I looked up your picture on Google. It brought up other photos of you. With ties around your neck, and things like that. I was worried, so I clicked.”

I laughed in his face. “Sure.”

“It let me watch for free. You were right there. It broke my heart, watching you do that to yourself. Choking. You were in so much pain. I never realized how deep it went until then.” His throat twisted, words straining out. “I thought it was because of Ellis. You know, the way she is. Love means being happy for someone even if it hurts, but I thought I could spare you that pain. I was wrong, Vada. You’d love her even if it destroyed you. Told you I’m bad at this father thing.”

Either he had the best poker face in history, or he wasn’t lying.

What the hell?

I got up, paced the bathroom. “What is this? Are you collecting dirt on us? Is this part of a lawsuit or something?”

“I haven’t talked to any lawyers. I told you, I mean you no harm.”

“Good, because you don’t want to fuck with me. I’ve been collecting dirt, too.” I decided to gamble. “We found Ryan’s ex. And we had a nice long chat. He told us everything.”

“Who?”

“His ex-boyfriend, Sergio. In Bar Harbor.”

Max blinked.

“Your gay son’s partner.”

“He wasn’t seeing anyone.”

“Guess he didn’t tell you.”

“No, I’d know something like that. I spoke with his therapist.” Max shook his head. “He’s never been to Bar Harbor.”

“We tracked this guy down, talked to him in person. He knew Ryan.”

“You talked to this person, or Ellis did?”

I started to answer and then my mouth hung open, stuck.

He nodded, slowly. “You didn’t actually meet anyone. You’re repeating what she told you. What did this person supposedly say?”

Even though I was shaken I lobbed another dart, aiming blind. “He told us who beat Ryan up.”

Max stood, grabbing the shower rod for balance. “Give me a name. Give me a name and I’ll take care of it.”

His hand drifted toward the gun.

He legit wanted to kill someone. Holy shit.

It couldn’t be him, on the autopsy. Not his hands making those bruise patterns. He didn’t hurt Ryan. He wanted to kill whoever had touched his son. The same way I’d wreck anyone who hurt Ellis.

None of this fit what I thought I’d known.

What the hell was going on?

“Who did it?” Max said.

“Answer me first. How did you watch me on cam? There’s a region ban.”

He exhaled, annoyed. “Ask your computer whiz friend. I don’t know how that shit works.”

Bugs in the code.

“You found something.” Max narrowed his eyes. “You have a name. I need that name, Vada.”

“I was bluffing, okay? The only name I have is Skylar. We still haven’t even found her.”

“What?”

“We looked everywhere. There was no Skylar at his school. Can you just tell me who—”

“You still don’t see.” He seemed almost about to laugh. “You looked right at her and didn’t see.”

For some reason I thought of Blue’s last email.

you looked right at me. through me.

“See what?” I said.

“You cracked the laptop. You got the photos.”

“Right.”

“You saw her.”

“Skylar wasn’t in them.”

“Yes, she was.”

My thoughts skidded, losing traction.

“You’re playing with me,” Max said. “This is all a game to you. You and your girlfriend, playing detective. And you still don’t realize she’s playing against you, too.”

He barreled toward me and I backpedaled, but he stormed past, toward the stairs. The gun was still on the tub.

“Max,” I called.

“Please leave. No more of this.”

“How did you see Skylar’s pics?”

He turned around, leaning on the wall. In the darkness I could barely see him.

“She showed me.”

“You met her?”

Now he started to laugh, dryly.

None of this made sense.