He watched me for a second to see if I was serious and then shook his head in laughter. “You’re too much, man. I need your talent.”

I scoffed. Kirk acted like he never got any, and I knew that wasn’t the truth. “No, you don’t. You just need to be an asshole, and they come in droves. Don’t tell me you don’t get your pick of women, Kirk. You’re a bartender with tattoos and muscles. That’s all they want. The whole ‘bad boy’ vibe.”

“I get my share,” he said, puffing out his chest. “Just seems that since you’ve been here they all go apeshit over you.”

“Well I don’t fucking want them, so go ahead and take your pick, Romeo. This place is alllll yours.”

I tossed the empty beer bottle on the table and grabbed another slice of pizza. There was an action movie on the television, but I wasn’t watching it. I was lost in my thoughts, trying to unwind after another late night at the bar. It was closing in on daybreak, and I hadn’t been asleep yet.

I picked up my phone and looked at the time. In Florida, it was two hours ahead of Colorado. Julia would be up now. I needed just to hear her voice. I’d been thinking all night about taking her up on her offer and I needed to run it by her. The fact that I could call her at any time now was still amazing to me. Even though it had been two years that I’d been free, there were still some things that I couldn’t get over. Like I could live by myself. I could go to the bathroom without an audience. I could have whatever food I wanted. And I could call Julia whenever I wanted.

“Johnny? Goodness, it’s early for you!” I smiled, closing my eyes as her voice warmed me from the inside out. “Are you okay?”

“Hey, pipsqueak,” I said, running my hand over my three-day old scruff. It made me smile, remembering when I’d gotten out of prison, and she had looked in horror at my long beard. “I just miss you. How’s my little niece?”

As if on cue, I heard a small noise and then a cry in the background. “Do you hear your Uncle Johnny? He says good morning, little princess.” Julia paused. “She’s just nursing, and I’m getting ready to go to the office with her for a few hours. Carter and I have a meeting for a new project. You doing okay?”

Julia always could read me, no matter what. “I’m good, Jules. Just working and chillin’.”

“You know you could be here with us, Johnny. Then you wouldn’t have to call and ask me how Calia is doing.”

“I know. That’s actually why I’m calling. I’ve been thinking. I’d like to come visit, stay for a little bit and help you with Calia. Would that be okay?”

“Are you sure you’re okay, Johnny? You’d tell me if something happened, right?”

“Nothing happened, Jules. I promise.”

“Okay. Of course we want you here, Johnny. Calia would love to spend some time with you, and we’d love to have you for as long as you want to be here. When are you coming?”

“I was thinking next week. I’ll check flights today. Plus, I have to get coverage at the bar and talk to Al.” Al was my parole officer, a.k.a., my babysitter.

“How’s the bar going? Had any good bands lately?”

“It’s work,” I said. “Bands have been okay, nothing spectacular.” My thoughts went back to Zoey again, and I forced them away. It felt wrong to be thinking of her while talking to my sister, but I almost wished I could see her again. Almost.

“Nothing like you were—and could be again,” Julia said, shaking me back into focus. “When are you going to realize that you can’t be the talent manager at a bar because you are the talent?”

I scoffed. “I don’t play music anymore, Jules. That part of my life is over.”

“But it shouldn’t be,” she pressed back. “It’s as much a part of you as breathing.”

I rubbed my chest, a pain shooting through me at her words. “Not anymore, and not again. That part of me was buried along with my dignity years ago.”

Julia sighed. “Your uncle is stubborn,” she cooed to the baby. Julia hardly knew any information about what had happened to me before my arrest or during my incarceration, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to give her the information now. Playing music only equaled pain for me. I couldn’t do it. Wouldn’t do it.

Julia and I had always been very close. She’d been born when I was ten years old, and I remembered the second my parents brought her home wrapped in that soft pink blanket. I’d vowed that I’d protect her with my life. She wasn’t just my sister. She’d been my sidekick. From the time she could recognize and request people, she’d wanted me. I’d let her sleep in my bed when she was little and afraid of the dark. I taught her to ride a bike, to roller skate, and to climb a tree. That girl has had my heart for every second of her twenty-six years. It was for that reason that I’d been in prison, to protect her. I made a promise, and a promise was something I didn’t break.

“Any progress on getting your record expunged?” My parents, with their high-powered attorneys, were working on wiping away my criminal record since I’d struck a deal to get myself out of prison by telling the police the information they’d wanted for years to bring down the rest of the drug ring leaders.

I swore my father was still holding out hope that I’d figure out I wanted to work for him at his architecture firm, especially since my sister had quit two years ago. I had zero interest in architecture, and I doubted that I was the kind of guy he wanted to represent him, but I’d sure as shit take his help getting my record cleared. Who knew if it would work, but it was about the only thing I wanted from my parents at this point.

“Last I heard Mom and Dad were working on it. I don’t call them, so I figure if they have news, they’ll let me know.”

“Well, Little Miss needs a diaper change before we head into the office for a little while. Keep me updated on when you’re going to arrive, okay Johnny? I love you.”

“I love you, Jules.” She was the only person in the world that I would ever, ever say I love you to, other than my niece. I felt about her the same way I felt about Julia. I cared a lot for her husband Carter, too, but I wouldn’t go as far as to admit love for him. Love was a weakness. I was not weak. I would never be vulnerable to anyone, ever again. All that I ever learned from showing someone my weak points was that they exploited them and used them against me.

Johnny

I sat on the beach, watching from behind my mirrored sunglasses as everyone walked by me. Some of them looked over at me with interest, but most just kept going. I’d been in Florida for two days and had spent most of it right here soaking up the rays. Being in the house with Julia and her family made me feel more at peace than I had in a very long time.

They’d been cool at the bar in letting me have some time off. I thought Kirk was just happy to be the only one the ladies flocked to again. I’d had to clear it also with my parole officer but thankfully he’d let me go.

It had been worth it. I stuck my toes in the hot sand, closing my eyes behind the glasses. No one knew me here. I didn’t have to worry about someone coming into the bar and giving me that ‘look,’ the one that the people I grew up with gave me any time they came across me. The look of disappointment, fear, or just ignorance. I had no friends anymore. Anyone that was part of my life way back then had long deserted me. I guess I didn’t blame them. After all, I had been busted for selling cocaine. Telling the story wasn’t even worth my effort, so I went ahead and let them believe what they wanted. I didn’t need any of them, anyway.

Truth was, I’d never touched the stuff in my life. Had I been coerced into participating in selling it? Yes. Had I done things I never wanted anyone to know? Yes. But I wasn’t a druggie and never would be.