“It’s ok, I like that song.” It was “More than a Feeling” by Boston. Johnson has been schooling me on classic rock since I was eight. I know way more about seventies rock and eighties hair bands than anyone my age should.

Nick smiles like he doesn’t believe me and switches to the radio. “What time do you have to be home?”

The question catches me off guard. Why does it matter, if we’re going straight to Lucy’s house? “Uh, I’m not sure.” I don’t want to tell him I’ve never been out before, so I have no idea if I have a curfew.

“Well, there’s a bonfire at Gold Beach, do you think you can go?”

Something that feels like excitement brews in my belly. Do I want to go out with Nick, or do I want to go home and stuff my face with chips and salsa while watching old episodes of America’s Next Top Model? This is exactly the kind of thing Lucy was hoping for. Me out on a Saturday night. This is her idea of normal. I’ll do it for Lucy. “Yeah, I can go.”

“Sweet.” Nick pulls out of the parking lot and heads towards the highway. His car is loud and takes some effort to drive. He’s constantly shifting gears and checking gauges. It takes the pressure off making small talk. Once we’re on the highway, he turns the volume up on the stereo to drown out the silence that I wouldn’t really call awkward. The stereo is on a local radio station. Through the static I can barely recognize the Killers’ “Mr. Brightside.”

“The reception sucks out here. You want to hear a CD?” Nick pulls a leather case from between the seats and hands it to me.

I take the case from him and set it in my lap. You can learn a lot about a person through their music collection. “Sure.” I flip it open and look through the first few pages. He’s got all the latest music—Weezer, Snoop Dogg, even Gwen Stefani’s “Hollaback Girl.” It’s the other stuff that impresses me, like Otis Redding’s Greatest Hits and an old Bon Jovi CD. “I didn’t think guys like you were so eclectic.”

“Oh really, what kind of guy do you think I am?” Nick raises his eyebrow in that sexy, curious way sexy guys like Nick do to make self-conscious girls like me feel like they’re going to pee their pants.

I can’t say what I’m thinking—the kind of guy that gets what he wants, who he wants, whenever he wants, the kind of guy that would never ask me out. Instead, I open a page that contains the Rolling Stones, Dr. Dre, Sublime, and Santana. I hold it up so he can see my point.

Nick smiles. “My uncle owns a bar in San Francisco. I know most of the music from his juke box, but I pretty much listen to everything. What about you?”

I’m about to tell him we have a lot in common musically when I flip the page. My eyes drift to the last slot on the right, to an Eagles CD. I run my hand over the picture of the sun setting behind the hotel and remember the long melodic guitar solo that filled our SUV the last time I saw my father. I never realized how much missing him hurt until this moment. I bite my lip until I taste blood.

“Do you want to hear that one?”

“No.” I close the case. “This is fine.” The static is so bad it sounds like aliens are trying to make contact.

“How about a little classic rock?” Nick hits a button on the CD player and Motley Crue’s “Without You” fills the car.

Johnson’s tutorials on classic rock versus eighties hair bands have finally paid off. “I love this song.” I feel the smile form on my face. An honest-to-God smile. I look at Nick and feel the urge to thank him, but I have no idea why. All he did was push play.

I listen to the very romantic lyrics and wonder if this song will ever mean something to us. Do I even want there to be an Us? I have a plan, a mission—CAL. Nick is not in the plan. Nick is a plan killer. I look at the one thing that can deter me from my future, and his lips are moving. He’s singing. His eyes flit in my direction. He’s singing to me.

Without you, without you, a sailor lost at sea. Without you, woman, the world comes down on me.

This song is telling me one day my heart will wilt and die. It’s a risk I’m willing to take, because right now I can’t think of anything better than falling madly, deeply in love with Nick Marino.

I’m sitting on a log outside the glow of the fire when I see them. Dani looks like a frightened animal being lured to slaughter. Nick is oblivious to the anguish he’s causing her, parading her around like she’s a prize. Congratulations, Nick. You win. I slam the beer in my hand and reach for another. He could’ve had the balls to tell me he was going out with Dani tonight. I wonder if he had this planned when he asked me if I liked her. Why even ask? I slam another beer and crush the can before tossing it in the sand.

“Hey Matt,” Haley calls from somewhere in the dark. “I thought you were coming with Nick? Where is he?”

Nick is never hard to find in a crowd. He shines like a fucking lucky coin. “He’s over there.”

Haley turns towards the fire then murmurs some obscenities under her breath. “What is he doing with her?” She plops down next to me.

I shrug and take the cup from her hand. I sniff it; it smells like fruit juice and alcohol—Sex on the Beach most likely. These chicks are so predictable. I down it and toss the cup.

“Hey!” Haley retrieves it from the sand. “What’s wrong with you?” She dusts it off and I notice she’s blinged out the red solo cup with her name in glittery girly writing.

I shrug. I don’t know why I’m so irritated. It isn’t like I have a right to be. I don’t own Dani. Hell, I didn’t even ask her out. I didn’t have the balls and now it’s too late.

Haley sits next to me and follows my line of sight to Nick and Dani. “I’m not the only one that got snaked, huh?” I don’t answer her. I don’t know the answer. “So, you like her?” Haley offers me a joint. She always has weed.

I take it from her and she hands me a lighter. I put it to my lips and inhale as I hold the flame to the other end. Smoke fills my lungs. I hold it in for a long time before exhaling. I hand the lit joint back to Haley. “She’s cool,” I say. It’s all I am willing to admit.

Haley takes a puff and hands it back to me. “Don’t worry, it won’t last. She’s not like us. She doesn’t party.”

“How do you know?” How does anyone know anything about Dani? I’ve never seen her talk to anyone at school. Believe me, I would’ve noticed.

“She told Heather she doesn’t party. She goes to book clubs or something.”

“Yeah right.” Probably just another lie Heather made up about Dani. I can’t keep track of all the rumors she spread about her. I take another hit and look at Haley. She’s wearing her Eureka High hoodie with black jeans and furry boots. Her hair looks curlier than normal, and she has on a sweet-smelling perfume. I can smell it through the weed. Out of all the girls in her clique, she’s the only one I bother to talk to. I’ve known her the longest. She’s a regular fixture in all my class pictures. “So, what’s up with you and Nick?”

Haley looks at Nick, who hasn’t let go of Dani’s hand since he got here, and takes a puff. “We hooked up a couple of weeks ago, after the game against McKinnleyville. I thought he liked me, but you know Nick. With guys like that, you just sort of wait it out until it’s your turn.”

“That’s all you want? To be some douche bag’s turn? You’re too good for that, Haley.” I look at Dani. “You’re too good for him.”

I fall onto my back and stare at the stars. “I bet Ashley is looking through her telescope right now.”

“How is your sister? I heard she’s...better.” Haley falls next to me and passes back the joint.

I take it from her and check the end to make sure it’s still lit. “She’s good,” I say in between hits. I don’t want to think about Ashley right now. I close my eyes. I don’t want to think about anything.