Lucy twists her face and wrinkles her nose as if she’s just tasted a lemon. “Yes. No. Make it a decaf,” she says and spits out a piece of gum.

“What’s wrong?” She never chews gum and never ever drinks decaf, especially before a night shift. She hastily removes another foiled-covered stick from her pocket and fidgets with the wrapper, ignoring my question.

Nick walks up beside her. “Um, Lucy, this is Nick.”

She turns to face him with a huge smile. “It’s about time!” She pulls him in for a hug, and they both seem to relax. Nick is charming as ever. He makes small talk with Lucy while I take another order. When I return, I find out she’s invited him to dinner next weekend.

“Great,” I say dryly and fake a smile. Nick sees through my false enthusiasm and laughs.

“See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” Lucy says, as if their meeting was equivalent to eating broccoli for the first time.

“Whatever, here’s your coffee.” I turn to Nick and ask if he needs a refill.

“No, I’m good.” He turns to Lucy. “It was nice to meet you.” He shakes her hand and heads back to his table.

Lucy smiles at me as if she just won a bet and spins away from the counter.

I haven’t told Nick about my parents yet. There is no way I can get through a dinner with Lucy and not have it brought up. I have to tell him this week. I think it’s safe to say I can trust him now that he’s seen me naked. I just wish I hadn’t taken my last pill. If I had known Matt was really going to cut me off, I would have conserved a little better. It’s been four days since I had a pill, and I’m starting to unravel.

“Whose coffee is this?” Patty is pointing to the cup on the counter.

Lucy forgot her coffee. From the window I see her at a table outside flipping through her calendar. I thumb towards the window.

“What wrong with her?” Patty asks as Lucy folds another stick of gum into her mouth.

I shrug and hand her the cup. “Decaf.”

Patty rolls her eyes as she takes the cup and heads outside. Maybe Lucy’s getting the stomach flu that’s going around. I hope not, I was looking forward to spending some alone time with Nick. Since we’ve been put on pause, as Aurora calls it, we can’t go to any parties, which means no thizz for me. I’ve been trying to carve out some alone time with Nick, hoping he might want to pop a pill alone. Thizz and sex is like peanut butter and jelly. They are ok on their own, but together they are orgasmic.

“Can I talk to you for a sec?” Arnie leans on the counter. “I was wondering if you could help me.” He glances over his shoulder at Nick’s table. “I need to take the SAT.”

I guess Nick finally got to him. “I didn’t think you were going that route.”

“My old man wants me to join the army, but fuck that. I’m not trying to get killed. I figured if I got into college, he’ll get off my back.”

“That usually is the case,” I assure him.

“I’ll take college girls over getting my ass shot any day.”

He says the next testing date is in a week, so I invite him to the house for a study session.

Arnie arrives a little after five. Lucy shows up an hour later saying she isn’t feeling well and blows my plan to have Nick over later tonight. I text Nick and tell him Lucy is home. He sends back a sad face and tells me he’ll see me tomorrow. I’m beyond disappointed.

Arnie is reading the sentences I wrote for him. His lips move, even though he’s reading in his head. It’s annoying. Everything annoys me these days. I text Matt a short note: Hey you. I can’t think of anything else to say. I hit send.

Arnie finishes and looks up with a smile. “She has big tits. Big would be the adjective.”

“Yes, exactly.” I found that turning the lesson into something he could relate to helped him grasp the concepts.

“This isn’t as hard as I thought.”

“You’re not as dumb as you think you are.” I check my phone to see if Matt replied. Nothing.

Arnie smirks at my back-handed compliment. “Once I make up my mind to do something, I do it. You know what I mean?”

“What made you decide to go to Chico?” I ask, even though I know it’s what Nick wants him to do. Nick told me he wants to go into business with his uncle. I’m just glad he isn’t trying to pull Matt in with him.

“Nah, I want to go to Humboldt State,” Arnie confesses. “I spoke to a coach there about playing ball. He thinks I’m good enough to make the team. I just need to get my shit together.”

I never pictured Arnie as anything more than a lackey for Nick. Watching him talk about a possible future playing college basketball is enlightening.

“My father was in the army, he was a ranger. I respect him and all because he’s my dad, but I’m not him. I don’t want to kill people. I’m a lover, not a fighter.” Arnie smiles, and I recognize the smile. It’s his thizz smile.

I’d kill to feel that rush again. I wonder if Arnie has any pills.

“Dani, sweetie, can you go get the mail?” Lucy calls from the kitchen. “Is your friend staying for dinner?”

“No, we’re done.” I start clearing the table. I need to get him out of here before I do something stupid like ask him for drugs. “Take these.” I shove a stack of study guides in Arnie’s backpack.

“Hey, can you do me a favor?” Arnie asks as I walk him out. “Can you not tell Nick about this? I mean about Humboldt. I don’t want you to lie or anything. But in case this doesn’t work out, I don’t want to mess things up for nothing.” I don’t think Nick would object to Arnie going to Humboldt, but I get it. Nobody wants to defy Nick.

Arnie starts his moped and speeds off down the street. When he’s gone, I pull the mail from the box. I see the CAL logo peeking out from underneath Lucy’s phone bill. My heart is in my throat. This envelope holds my entire future. Getting in means I can fulfill my parents’ dream. Not getting in means I failed them. I fold the envelope and shove it in my back pocket. I’m not ready to find out my future yet. Not today. Not sober.

Dani’s walking a few feet in front of me and I don’t even call her name. She’s wearing her old khaki cargo pants, a Eureka Coffee t-shirt, and beat-up old Vans. She looks like her old self. The girl she was before Nick. The Dani I knew when nobody else did. See, thoughts like that are the reason I can’t be around her. What do you do when you’re in love with your best friend’s girl? You don’t give her pills so you can sneak a hug or a grateful smile. You stay away. I’ve done just that for the last week. I’m only going to class today because Mr. Davis cornered me in the hall this morning and threatened to fail me if I kept ditching.

Mr. Davis closes the door and stands in front of the room. “I’d like to congratulate you all on your websites. You did a great job. The sites are live, so you can share them with your friends and family…”

Dani leans over in the middle of his speech and asks me if I want to see her page. “It’s not great, but I did it all on my own.” There’s no sarcasm in her statement, but I feel bad for not helping her.

“Sure.” I scoot my chair over and watch the page load. I try not to think about the smell of her hair or the pink in her cheeks. She looks good. Healthy. Her website pops up and the first thing I see is a picture of her parents. Dani looks just like her mother.

“If this computer had speakers, you’d hear the song I loaded.” She points to the widget on the bottom of the screen. It reads Eagle’s Greatest Hits – Hotel California. “It’s my dad’s favorite song.” She blushes slightly and bites her lower lip. I offer her a smile. I want to give her more, a hug, or even just squeeze her hand. But I can’t. Touching her, caring for her, is a betrayal to Nick. Her photos are set up in slide-show format. They flip from pictures of her in elementary school, to her parents at their college graduation. “I know it isn’t really fancy, but I like it.” She’s fishing for some praise, and I’m ready to tell her she’s done a good job when a picture pops up on the screen.