Even if it feels like he just fucked us over. He has our back.

Fourteen BELL

“You fucked him!” Lissy practically chokes down her drink while trying not to have a fit as we eat breakfast.

“Yes.” I keep it matter of fact. I don’t want her to think it’s any more than what it really is.

“Oh, my God. Jesus, Bell.”

“It’s no big deal.” I squirm a little in my seat, the after effects of our ‘ride’ have only just stopped being felt. It’s been six days. Six days since I gave Jesse something I definitely should have not given, but I can’t even bring myself to care. I knew what I was getting into when I begged for it. I’m not that naïve. I just thought he would have checked in by now.

“No big deal? You had a man’s penis in your vagina, and it’s no big deal?”

“Will you keep your voice down.” I smack her arm, hoping no one can hear her.

“I’m sorry. I’m still stuck on the news. He was being an ass, and then the next thing, you fucked him,” she says, but she doesn’t get it. Doesn’t get Jesse like I do.

“Right, that’s it. I’m out of here.” I stand and pick up my bag.

“Don’t go.” She takes my hand and pulls me back to the stool. “I’ll be quiet.”

“You better, or the whole town will know I lost my V card.” I look around and notice we aren’t being watched. Much.

“I just can’t believe you. Are you sore? How was it?” she fires off her questions one after another.

“I was a little tender, but otherwise, I’m okay.”

“Was it good?”

“It was nice.” I struggle to find the right words. How do you explain your first time with a man like Jesse?

“Nice?”

“Yeah.” A sly smile crosses my face and I hold it in place. Nice is probably the worst word to use to describe sex for the first time.

“You hated it,” she accuses and I have to hold in my need to argue with her. I didn’t hate it all, and that’s what makes it worse. I am dirty like Jesse said.

“I didn’t hate it. It’s just not what I was expecting,”

“What were you expecting?”

“I don’t know. It’s just different okay? Can we stop talking about it now? I won’t be seeing him again.”

“Why the hell not?” Her voice rises again and I press my lips together, willing my frustration not to scream out of them.

“Because it was a one-time deal.”

“Says who?” She doesn’t curb the doubtful note in her voice. If anything, I bet she’s willing to accuse me of making the one-time rule.

“Jesse. He’s not interested in anything more. I knew going in what he wanted. It just is what it is.”

She places her fork down on her plate and turns in her seat to face me. “You gave up your virginity and he only wants a one-time deal?”

I’m beginning to think this conversation is moot when she keeps repeating everything I say.

“He didn’t know I was a virgin,” I whisper, needing her to know the truth before she passes judgment on him.

“Jesus Christ, Bell. Have you not been listening to anything I’ve ever taught you?”

“I know I fucked up, okay. I don’t need a lecture.” I reach out and take her hand, silently pleading for something. I don’t know what, but the last thing I need is her telling me how stupid I am. I already know it.

“All right, I’m sorry. No lecture.” She nods agreeing. I let out a breath when she agrees. The last thing I need is a Lissy Lecture.

“Thank you.” I release her hand, and pick up my drink.

“Your delicate mood wouldn’t be able to take it anyway,” she slyly adds before we can move on.

“I’m not being delicate.”

“Oh, you are.”

“Am not.” She’s right. She knows me too well.

“You said yourself it was a one-time deal. So what’s really going on?” Her brows furrow in a way that I know she’s not giving up. I knew deflecting wasn’t going to get me anywhere. She’s too clued in for me.

“It’s just that before he left, he said we would talk about what happened, and I haven’t heard from him.” I give in and let her know what really has me unsettled.

“How long has it been?”

“Six days.” The number seems insignificant. Almost laughable.

“Oh, God, it’s true.” She gasps, her hand moving to the table in front of her.

“What’s true?” I blindly walk into one of Lissy’s smartass comments.

“Sex. It turns women into whining whores. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you whine before. Have sex. BAM. Poster child for whining.” I can’t help but laugh because she’s right. Jesus, I’m one of those women.

“I hate when you’re right.”

“I know. It must pain you every time I’m right.” She laughs and goes back to eating. My phone beeps in front of me, and I reach for it thinking it will be Mom checking in.

JESSE: How are you feeling today?

My stomach drops when I see his name and my body freezes.

“Is it him?” Lissy asks, catching my reaction.

“He’s asking how I am,” I relay the message, my eyes scanning each and every character.

“Tell him you’re gonna need your V card back. You’ve turned into a whiney, gushy lame woman.”

“Ha Ha.” I roll my eyes at her and look over the message again, trying to figure out how to respond. On one hand, I’m relieved he finally contacted me, yet on the other, I’m annoyed he’s managed to turn me into this desperate, needy person. “This isn’t me,” I finally say and put my phone down.

“What are you doing?” Lissy asks as if I just grew a second head right before her eyes.

“I’m letting him wait. I’m not going to rush to reply.”

“Girl, you’re so messed up. You were just complaining he doesn’t contact you and now you’re playing hard to get?” I laugh, realizing how hot and cold I have been running, but who can blame me? He’s messing with me.

“I’m not playing hard to get. I’m just not rushing to reply. He made me wait six days. He can wait a few hours.” I force the confidence into my statement and push out my reservations. I need to remember who I’m dealing with. I might be out of my league, but he is out of his comfort zone. We both are playing blind.

“Well, you have more willpower than me. A man like Jesse messages me, asking how I feel after a one-time deal, I’d have that message typed up, ready to go.” She snaps her fingers and I roll my eyes.

“Shut up. He can wait.” I ignore the last part of her advice. She was right the first time. It’s not who I am. And it’s not who I want to be.

I need to remember that when dealing with Jesse Carter.

ME: I’m good. How are you?

I type back later in the night when I climb into bed. I’m not expecting a reply tonight, so I’m surprised when I shut off my bedside lamp and my phone lights up my room.

JESSE: Can’t stop thinking about you.

His reply has me reading it a few times. Okay, not what I was expecting. I thought he would still be angry, especially when he hasn’t called all week.

ME: What are you thinking about?

I push in the characters, before deleting them, only to retype them and quickly press send.

JESSE: You bent over my bike. Your tight pussy gripping my cock.

The words sound in my ears as I picture him saying them to me in his deep voice. Holy shit.

Me: It’s something that I can’t get out of my head either.

I bravely type back. I wish I wouldn’t fall so easily into his traps, but I can’t help it when it comes to Jesse. The need to see where it takes me is too strong to ignore.

JESSE: What are you doing now?

ME: I’m in bed.

JESSE: Touching yourself?

The text messages continue to flow. My face heats up at his insinuation and I quickly type back.

ME: No.

JESSE: Do it.