“So am I . . . as long as you trust me.”

I smiled up at him. “Of course I trust you.”

But when his body loomed over mine, a prickly panic crawled its way over my skin. Although I had managed to push my rapists out of my head, it seemed now that they had found a way to claw their way back in with the intent of ruining what I had with Rev. I am safe. I have a choice, and I choose this.

As if he sensed my growing panic, Rev rolled off me. When I started to protest that I wanted to continue, he gripped me by the hips and pulled me up to straddle him. “Take me, Annabel. You’re the one in control.”

Moisture tinged my eyes at his words and his offering. He wanted to do everything within his power to enable me to conquer this first time. I rose up to grip his erection in my trembling hand. When I brought it to my center, I momentarily faltered when I began to take him inside me.

Rev’s hands sought mine. After intertwining our fingers, he said, “Look at me, babe. It’s only me and you here. Only love.”

Gazing into his determined eyes, I found the courage I needed. I eased farther down on his cock, taking him deeper inside me. Once I was full of him, I sat for a moment, just staring at him. “I love you,” he murmured.

“I love you, too,” I whispered. As I looked into his beautiful blue eyes, I realized it was just the two of us in this room—him and me. Two people who loved each other with all their flaws and weaknesses. I wasn’t having sex with a stranger; I was being made love to. It wasn’t a harsh and vile act forced upon me without my consent. I welcomed the feel of his hands, his fingers, and his tongue on my skin. Most of all, I was taking his cock into my body, not having him take me. His expression wasn’t cruel or vicious. Instead, it was filled with lust, love, and a possession of a different type. Because of all those things, I could do this. I wanted this.

I rose up and came back down on him. The feeling of being with him was overwhelming. It was a connection of mind, body, and soul on a level I had never experienced before.

As I sped up the tempo of my movements, I released Rev’s hands so that I could place my palms on his chest. He groaned in pleasure as I rode him harder and faster. He was so beautiful laid out before me, his eyes closed, his teeth biting into his lip.

He raised his hips to meet mine, our slick skin meeting in a desperate rhythm. I had never come through sex before, and after what had happened to me, I doubted I ever would. But when Rev’s hand came to stroke and tease my clit, I felt a building pressure I had never experienced before with a man inside me.

The harder I rode Rev, the harder he stroked me. I dug my fingernails into his chest as I felt the tiny shudders of an orgasm. It wasn’t the same as the ones in the shower, but it was still momentous to me. Tears stung my eyes at the realization of how wonderful it had been. And as Rev’s orgasm had him calling out my name and coming inside me, I collapsed onto his chest, my head falling against his rapidly beating heart.

EIGHTEEN

REV

I had been with a lot of women. Most of them I knew, but then there were some whose names I didn’t even know. I had also had all kinds of sex, but until I was with Annabel, I had never made love to a woman before. I’d never known the connection that could be made between two people through the joining of their bodies. If I could have, I would have stayed inside Annabel the entire night. Nothing had ever felt better than having her tight walls around me.

As we lay in the dark, I could tell Annabel’s mind was spinning with thoughts. She had just conquered the mental equivalent of climbing Mount Everest. I knew she had gotten physical pleasure out of it, but the body can be convinced to react even if the mind is in turmoil. More than anything in the world, I wanted her to be okay with what had just happened to her and between us.

Turning to her, I asked, “What are you thinking about?”

“It’s silly, really.”

“Don’t undermine your feelings that way,” I argued.

She gave a little snort of a laugh. “You sound just like my therapist.”

With a smile, I said, “Then tell Dr. Rev what you’re feeling.” Nudging her thigh with my leg, I added, “No matter how silly or strange you think it is.” When she still remained silent, I couldn’t help asking her about what was on my own mind. “Do you regret what we just did?”

Her eyes widened. “No. Never.”

“I’ll understand if you’re having second thoughts.”

Annabel shook her head. “That was the most fulfilling sexual experience of my life.” She ducked her gaze from mine like something was embarrassing her. “The truth is that was the first orgasm I’ve ever had when a guy was inside of me.”

While my chest swelled with male pride, I fought to keep my face clear of any dickhead smirking. “Really?”

Annabel grinned. “Go ahead. Pat yourself on the back. You know you want to.”

I laughed. “My inner caveman is beating his chest.” I leaned down to kiss her tenderly. “Most of all, I’m proud of you for conquering your fears and being able to enjoy yourself.”

“Thank you, Rev. Thank you for everything, but most of all for loving me.”

“Now, what was it you were so lost in thought about?”

She propped one of her hands on her elbow and stared into my eyes. “I was just wondering if you ever had to conquer sex like I just did.”

“That’s not a silly question at all. All victims of rape and molestation have to go through separating their past from their present, including me.”

“What happened with you?” she questioned softly.

Although I really didn’t want to dredge up painful memories of the past, I was willing to do it for Annabel. “I was always really shy and awkward around girls even before I was raped, so afterward, I kind of retreated into myself. Each time I wanted to ask a girl out, I would worry that I was a less of a man because of what had happened. When I was sixteen, I had yet to kiss a girl, so my father took it upon himself to have one of the club whores teach me about sex.”

Annabel gasped in shock. “Like a prostitute?”

“Well, she didn’t get paid for it, and she certainly wanted to deflower me.” I chuckled when I thought back to being that scared but horny-as-hell sixteen-year-old. “Apparently there were a lot of the girls who wanted to get their hands on me, but she won the luck of the draw.”

“Really?”

I nudged her playfully. “You act so surprised that I had women clamoring to get in my pants, yet you wanted to do me,” I countered with a grin.

She giggled. “I didn’t mean it to come out that way. I can certainly see why you had so many women wanting you.” She leaned forward to bestow a kiss on my lips. When she pulled away, she blushed.

“What is it?”

“I was just wondering how it was.”

“With the club whore?”

“Yes.”

“For a sixteen-year-old kid who practically had calluses from jacking off, it was pretty fucking amazing.”

“Ew!” Annabel squealed, wrinkling her nose.

“You asked,” I countered.

“I kinda wish now I hadn’t.”

“Looking back, I can call it amazing, but at the time, it was also really awkward. Really the only thing that improved it for me was practice.”

Cocking her head at me, Annabel asked, “Did you try practicing until you were perfect?”

“Hmm, you think I’m perfect, huh? I think my caveman is going to beat my chest in with pride.”

Annabel giggled. “I think I’ve created an ego monster.”

I grinned. “Let’s just say after conquering that first time, I was back in the saddle pretty quickly.” As I stared into her beautiful green eyes, my expression grew serious. “No matter how many times we do this, you don’t ever have to explain if you’re having a hard time with it. I’m a pretty good reader of your body language, but if we need to, we can come up with a safe word or something like that.”