He closed his eyes, his jaw clenched, his body braced. “I do love you.” The words were barely a whisper, but they screamed through the gulf between us.

He leaned forward and I froze. His lips grazed my cheekbone, scalding me. My eyes slammed shut, as if not looking would make this any less real. As if this wasn’t what I knew it to be—

A good-bye kiss.

“That’s why I have to let you go,” he whispered.

Something wet touched my cheek and I wasn’t sure if they were his tears or mine.

When I opened my eyes he was gone.

*   *   *

I just sat on the couch, staring at the wall, mind and body numb.

I’d thought that walking out of my wedding was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do. I’d been wrong.

I didn’t know where to go from here, didn’t know how to move forward when it felt like everything was falling apart.

My phone rang for what had to be the twentieth time since Gray had left. Jackie, my parents, Kate, friends from school, everyone had called. I kept hitting reject.

It was my mother. Again.

My finger hovered over the button, and then I finally just caved.

Her voice filled the line as I hit accept.

“Please tell me this is a joke. Tell me you weren’t seriously this stupid. Is this the man from the party?”

I opened my mouth to apologize, to say something that I could offer up as an explanation, but before I could get the words out, I closed it. Because suddenly I knew what I had to say. I’d had my little rebellions, tried to pick my battles and stand up to my parents about Jackie and Kate. But I’d never really told them how I felt about the way they treated me.

So I did.

“I love him. And it’s my life.”

“No. It’s your father’s career. You don’t get to have a life of your own, Blair. Not publicly. Not after everything this family has sacrificed to get where we are.”

“Where we are? Where are we, exactly? Have you read the papers lately? We’re being eviscerated in Capital Confessions. They’re out for blood and every day there’s a new story making Dad look like a monster.”

“We’re handling Capital Confessions.”

“What do you mean you’re handling Capital Confessions? What are we, the mob?”

“I don’t have time for this, Blair,” my mother snapped. “This isn’t about Capital Confessions, or your father, this is about you. About you making poor choices over and over again, ruining your future and taking everyone around you down with you. Walking out on your wedding, going to that horrible school, getting involved with a professor.”

If I wasn’t so miserable, I would have laughed, the whole thing was just so surreal.

She was absolutely insane.

“Okay, that’s it.” My voice shook as anger pierced through the numbness. “You don’t get to judge my life choices. Not anymore. I didn’t marry someone who likes men. Who has found a man he loves and wants to spend the rest of his life with.

“I went to law school. Yes, it’s not a great law school, but you know what, at least I tried to make a future for myself. And I fell in love. I’m sorry that he doesn’t make good copy for Page Six, but I love him and I’m not going to feel differently because you tell me to.

“I’m not a child anymore. I haven’t been a child for a very long time. So stop. I want to have a relationship with my parents, but I can’t have a relationship with you if you’re going to try to control and judge everything I do in my life.

“I’m going to love who I’m going to love, and you can either trust me and know that you raised me to be the kind of person who wouldn’t love someone who wasn’t good for me, or you can’t. But if you can’t, then understand that I’m done having these conversations. I didn’t do anything wrong. I wish it had stayed out of the press, but I didn’t leak it to Capital Confessions. It’s not my fault someone wants to destroy Dad and is willing to use me to do it. I’m not going to pay the price for his mistakes anymore.

“I’m not this family’s redemption. I’m not some paragon of virtue. I’m not a fucking campaign photo. I’m me. I screw up; I don’t always know what I’m doing, and you know what? That’s okay. So back off.”

Silence hung between us and I waited to hear if things would change, for some sign that she understood, that we could change the tenor of our relationship. I was still waiting after she’d said good-bye and made a dig about how I was just like my sister.

Shitty fucking day.

I just couldn’t keep doing it. Couldn’t keep pretending. It wasn’t even about them not accepting Gray—right now it didn’t really even matter. It was about them accepting me. And they didn’t.

If I’d learned anything in all of this, it was that loving someone for who you wanted them to be, instead of who they were, wasn’t love at all.

I wasn’t angry with them like Kate was; I was just done.

This life was slowly starting to cover me in filth, and it was impossible to not feel like it was sucking me deeper with each scandal, each fucking word written about me in Capital Confessions. Honestly, if not for that blog, I wouldn’t even be in the media that often. My family got its share of press, but no one fixated on us like Capital Confessions did. It was like someone on the staff had a vendetta against us, which, given my father’s reputation wasn’t shocking. He’d screwed over half this town more times than I could count.

When Jackie had been secretly blogging for Capital Confessions, it had made sense that we’d been mentioned a lot. But when she’d quit, things should have tapered off. It wasn’t like he had more angry daughters out there . . .

The phone slipped out of my hand, hitting the wood floor with a clunk, as my words to Jackie ran through my mind again . . .

Kate thinks our father has the answers to what happened to Matt. And deep down, I think she wants to destroy him.

I remembered all of the posts, all of the mentions about our father, all of the things I’d told Kate, all of the things Kate had said . . .

Motherfucker.

I didn’t want to believe it, wanted to keep seeing my sister as the little girl I’d grown up with, but the more I ran over the evidence, the more I listened to my gut, I just knew—

Kate was behind the Capital Confessions posts.

Chapter Twenty-five

Apparently Princess Blair is quite the teacher’s pet . . .

—Capital Confessions blog

Blair

I went to Kate’s apartment, my mind racing, remembering the Capital Confessions posts over the last few months. All of the times my private life had made it on the front page. I’d trusted her with my secrets, with everything. And she’d betrayed me.

I pounded on the door. Kate opened it, her face pale. I looked over her shoulder and saw Jackie standing in the hall. I didn’t wait to be invited in; instead, I strode past my sisters until I reached the living room and faced off against Kate, fury building inside me. I vaguely registered Jackie speaking, but I was too angry to acknowledge the words coming out of her mouth. All of my attention was focused on Kate.

“What are you doing?”

Kate met my gaze, guilt seeping out of her. It was no coincidence that Jackie was here.

Her voice trembled. “What do you mean?”

“Did you think I wouldn’t notice? That I wouldn’t put it together? How long have you been working for Capital Confessions?”

She paled even more. “It’s not what you think.”

“Are you kidding me? That’s your comeback? It’s not what I think? Please enlighten me, because what I think is that you’re so fucking obsessed with ruining our father that you don’t care who you take down in the process.”

“That’s not true—”

I was done. Done protecting her. Done worrying about her. Fucking done.