Arms crossed, foot tapping on the hardwood floor, I glared at him. “There’s nothing to figure out. I’m going.”
“You can’t seriously think this is a good idea.” Riley shook his head, his fingers rough in his hair. “We’re talking about your life, Evie.”
“We’re talking about your life, too, and I’m not going to stand by and let you risk it because of my choices.”
“If you think I’m letting you come with me, you’re out of your mind.”
I scoffed, breathing out a laugh. “Let me? If you think there’s anything I need you to let me do, then you’re out of your mind, too.”
Riley’s jaw clenched, his eyes narrowed on me. “Well, fortunately, I’m the only one with the transportation.”
With that, I could only stare at him, my jaw dropped. He was utterly serious. I couldn’t believe he was pulling this, trying to tell me what I could and couldn’t do. That prickle that started at the base of my spine spread throughout my body, telling me I was quickly losing control of the situation, that I didn’t have a say, and urging me to regain the upper hand. “I’m going to say this one more time: I’m getting on the back of that motorcycle, and I’m going with you.”
“You’re not. I can’t have you with me. I can’t do that to you. I might not have been able to help you the last times you needed it, but I’ve got the opportunity to now. I couldn’t do a damn thing to save you before, and if you think I’m throwing away the chance I have now to do this for you, you don’t know the man I’ve become very well.”
“Then maybe you’re right. Maybe I don’t know who you’ve become, because the Riley I knew wouldn’t tell me what I could and couldn’t do. He wouldn’t have tried to control me. Certainly not after everything I shared. I had that control stripped from me for years, Riley, and I refuse to let it happen again.”
“Jesus Christ, Evie, I’m not trying to control you. All I’m trying to do is keep you safe!”
“All you’re trying to do is order me around!”
He growled out a frustrated noise, tugging on his hair. Then he dropped his arms and came to stand in front of me, his hands clasping my upper arms. “Baby, listen to me.” His voice was soothing now, beseeching, the hard edges he’d spoken with only moments ago softened. He bent his knees to bring us to eye level, and I saw everything he was feeling as I met his gaze—determination, fear, anxiety, and underneath it all, a bubbling undercurrent of anger. “If you go, he’ll kill you. He will kill you and he won’t think twice about it. He won’t see you as enough of a threat. He just won’t. He’s already tried to have you killed twice, and you’ve managed to get away both times. But I’m not taking the chance of it happening on the third try. I’m not going to lose you again. I can’t.” Then his once-soothing voice turned hard. “You’re not going. Period.”
That feeling of helplessness was back, clawing at me … weighing me down. Because I knew that no matter how hard I fought for this, how much I resisted, how much I argued, the truth was that if Riley didn’t want me going with him, there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to force him. I couldn’t strap myself on the back of the bike. Probably wouldn’t even be able to get out of the apartment with Gage no doubt blocking my way. And that thought just sank the dread further into my chest, magnifying every ounce of hopelessness I felt until it was engulfing me.
Despite what I’d come to feel for Riley again after these few days together—despite what I’d felt for him all along—I wouldn’t, couldn’t allow myself to lose control again. Not when I’d finally gained back every bit of myself.
Riley’s face had softened in the long moments when I hadn’t said anything after his little speech. When he spoke to me now, his voice was more relaxed, like he thought he’d convinced me.
And he had. He’d convinced me. Just not the way he’d wanted.
“You’ve dealt with too much in your life, Evie. You’ve had two assholes take everything from you. Everything. I can’t let that continue. I won’t.”
With my voice steady and calm, I said, “If you refuse to let me make the choice of whether or not I want to be there with you, we’re done. Whatever we had here, whatever sparked between us again, is gone.” I ignored the flare of anger in his eyes, that spark of hurt, because my heart was breaking wide open. It was like he hadn’t heard anything I’d told him over the last few days. “I can’t be with someone who takes my choices away from me. This isn’t your fight, Riley. This is mine. I’m the one Max is after. I’m the one who has what he wants.”
Riley stared at me, his eyes flitting between both of mine, darting all over my face, and I didn’t know if he read the truth in my statement or not. I didn’t know if he thought I wasn’t being serious, if I was bluffing. Or if he just didn’t care.
“And I’m the one who’s going to make sure you’re safe,” he said.
I looked into his eyes, bottomless and clear, and I hated that this was what it was coming down to. That after everything, it was coming down to him keeping a choice from me, stealing any ounce of freewill from me. Just like everyone else.
“I was never yours to save.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
I watched from the window as Riley tore out of the alley on his bike, Gage at my back. Riley and I hadn’t spoken two words to each other after our blowup. After I told him if he took this choice away from me, we were through.
And he’d gone anyway.
I tried not to focus on the ache that filled up my chest when he’d left, when he’d voluntarily walked away, only after binding my hands. Not literally—not like before—but figuratively. And that was almost worse. I latched on to the anger and frustration I was feeling instead, letting that grow inside me. Letting it fuel me, because if I didn’t, if I didn’t have something else to hang on to, I’d crumble.
“You got your stuff packed up?” Gage asked.
I turned and looked at him over my shoulder. What stuff? I wanted to ask. I had nothing here, not really. Tipping my chin toward the single bag on the couch, I turned back around and stared out the window into the darkening sky. Riley would get to Chicago around three in the morning. And as soon as he got the go-ahead from Aaron, he’d be on Max.
And I’d be here, hundreds of miles away, while Riley fought my battles for me. While Riley risked his life for something that was never his problem in the first place.
Gage walked over to the couch and grabbed the bag. “Come on. Let’s move.”
Twisting around, I asked, “Where are we going?”
“My place. I don’t like leaving Madison alone. Not with this shit going on.”
That overprotective bullshit ran in the family, it seemed. Giving a tight nod, I followed him, my movements stilted as we descended the stairs, not taking a backward glance at the loft. At the place where I’d shed so much of my past baggage. Where I’d both found and lost the one and only man I’d ever loved.
Gage was on high alert as he opened the door that led into the alley, his eyes darting to every dark corner, making sure it was clear. He gave a short nod, indicating it was okay, and I dutifully followed him out. It seemed like that was all I ever did—take orders.
Once we were settled in Gage’s car, a beat-up old Honda, he drove us toward his and Madison’s place, his body tense. Probably anxious to get back to Madison.
After long moments of silence, he finally said, “It’s better this way.”
I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms as I turned my head to look out the window. Because yeah, I’d be safe here, locked away. Protected. But if I wasn’t ever given the opportunity to fight for myself, how would I know if I could? I’d run scared twice before, not just from Max but also from my father. I’d stayed away, hadn’t thought twice about ever going back to my old life, because I needed to leave all that shit behind. Just forget it like it’d never happened.