It killed me that there was a possibility he saw me differently. That when he looked at me now, after I’d told him my secrets, he saw someone other than his Evie.

I pulled back, letting my grip loosen on his neck, my eyes darting between his. “You can kiss me, you know.”

He swallowed hard. “I know.”

“Do you? Because that wasn’t a kiss.”

He blew out a long breath, then groaned, reaching up and scrubbing a hand over his face. “I … I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to act.”

“I don’t want you to act at all. I want you to be Riley and I’ll be Evie and that’s it.”

“It’s not that simple,” he said in a strained voice.

“Why isn’t it?”

“I don’t want … I mean, what happens if I give you another panic attack?” His eyes darted between mine. “It fucking killed me last night to see you like that.”

“Have I ever had a panic attack around you?”

“Just the one.”

“So doesn’t that say that it’s not you? That it wasn’t a result of what you were doing?”

He breathed out a harsh laugh. “Really? That’s hard for me to believe, because I was the one trying to fuck you.”

“Riley, how many times have we slept together?” I didn’t let him answer, because it didn’t matter. “I’m still the same girl I was then. The same one I was yesterday and the day before. The same one you took up against the wall a few days ago.” He cringed at that, rubbing his thumb and forefinger over his clenched eyes. I reached up and grabbed his wrist, tugging his arm down. “You can kiss me and touch me. I’m not going to break.”

I leaned up again, standing on tiptoes as I rested my lips on his. “I want you to kiss me and touch me. I want to know that you don’t see me differently. That I’m still Evie to you. That I’m still worthy. I want to know you still think I’m beautiful.”

“Jesus, baby, of course I do. I always will. I’d never see you as anything different. I just don’t know what will be too much. I don’t want … I can’t cause you pain like that … Not again.”

“How about I tell you what I want you to do?”

He stared at me for a moment, then swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he nodded.

“Kiss me,” I breathed, tugging his face down to mine. It was slower than it usually was with him, more tentative, but it was something. It was more than he’d given me just a minute ago, so I’d take it. I opened my mouth to him, slipping my tongue out and licking against his bottom lip. Reaching down, I grabbed his hand and moved it toward me, guiding it around until it was pressed against the small of my back. And then I added pressure, pushing our lower halves together. “I’m not going to break,” I reminded him. “Please don’t act like I will.”

Chapter Twenty-Five

RILEY

With Evie’s hands on me, her lips under mine, soon I forgot to be careful. I forgot to be tentative and hesitant and let myself get lost in the feel of her skin under my hands, her lips against mine. And before long, it wasn’t enough. Just kissing her like this wasn’t enough. I needed to feel more of her … all of her.

Reaching down, I cupped her ass in my hands and hauled her up against me. She moaned into my mouth, kissing me harder, deeper, and despite wanting to be careful, I couldn’t wait anymore. I held her to me as I walked us over to the bed, then set her on her feet and peeled the clothes from her body before nudging her onto the mattress.

She lay back on the sheets, her hair a chaos of red against the white pillowcase, and I could only stare. She was looking back at me, her eyes open, a hint of vulnerability hidden in their depths. She was bare to me now, in more ways than one. I realized that for the first time in seven years, I was seeing the real Evie. Before, I’d only been given glimpses. But now, I was seeing all of her.

“You’ve always been gorgeous to me,” I said, my voice rough with my need. “Since that very first day I saw you. But now…” I shook my head and let my eyes get their fill of her. I swallowed down my anger, my sadness at her past, and continued, “Knowing what you’ve gone through and that you’re still standing? That you didn’t let any of it destroy you? It only makes you more beautiful. You came out on the other side. Strong and resilient and fucking perfect.”

“I’m glad you think so.” A soft smile tipped her lips, a flush brushing across her cheeks, and then she held her hand out for me, beckoning me closer.

“I know so.” I reached behind and yanked the neck of my shirt, pulling it over my head and tossing it to the side before I shed my pants and boxer briefs. Then I stood at the foot of the bed and braced my hands on the mattress on either side of her. Starting at her ankles, I let my lips trace every inch of her body, kissing a trail up her legs. Even though what she’d been through had happened so long ago, I had this overwhelming urge to erase the memories from her mind. I wanted them gone forever, and I wanted them replaced with something different, something better, something sweeter.

I wanted them filled with us. Only ever us.

“God, Riley.” She moaned when I slid my hands up her inner thighs and pushed her legs apart, running my thumbs along her pussy. And when I bent to her, licking a line straight up her slit, her pleas turned into mumbled snippets of sound, not a word among them. I spread her open with my thumbs, then sucked her clit into my mouth, wanting to drive her crazy. Wanting her out of her mind in pleasure. I wanted to eradicate every bad memory she’d ever had.

When I slipped my fingers inside her, brushing against the part that always made her go off, she arched off the bed, pressing harder against my mouth. I continued to stroke her with my tongue, flicking her clit until her pussy clenched tighter and tighter, and then finally she was coming and moaning and pulsing around my fingers.

I slowed my tongue, stroking her softer, slower, until she was boneless on the bed. As much as I could do this all night, lick her pussy until she’d come a dozen times, I wanted to be inside her. And I wanted it right fucking now. I wanted to feel her skin to skin, wanted to be inside her with nothing between us, but still I reached over and fumbled for a condom, rolling it down my length and protecting us both. When I was fully sheathed, I shifted closer to her, still on my knees, and pulled her legs up and over mine.

She didn’t say anything, didn’t tell me to stop, didn’t utter a word of protest, but still, there was a stiffness in her body and a wariness in her eyes, an uncertainty, and I realized this was the first time she’d ever been under me like this. The first time she’d ever lain prone before me. So giving. So vulnerable.

Last night, when she’d had the panic attack, it’d been when I was pressing her into the couch, sandwiching her between my body and an unmoving object, and I wondered if that was what had set her off. If that had made everything worse. Because in all the times we’d ever been together, I’d never once been on her, holding her down. She’d always managed to make it so she was the one in control. So she was the one guiding, moving, the one deciding how far, how fast … deciding everything.

And I’d never minded. I’d never even really thought about it, too happy when I’d been a teenager to be getting pussy at all, and now … Now I’d been too happy to have her again, period.

But I recognized this for what it was. She was telling me without words, showing me with her actions that she trusted me. Even more so than when she’d told me her truth.

I wanted to be worthy of that trust. To do right by her now, like I hadn’t been able to before. Twice in her life, I’d let her down, even if she’d never asked for my help. Twice before, she’d been on her own, running scared, and I hadn’t been able to do anything about it. Now, though … Now I could do something about it. I could, and I would.