I wasn’t going to leave her to face anything on her own again.
I gripped my cock, running the head along her slit, and looked into her eyes. Asking her a dozen questions without saying a word. She was so brave, so trusting like this, and I didn’t want to take advantage of that. I needed to hear it from her, that this was all right.
“It’s okay.” Her voice was soft, the barest tremor running through it, and it killed me. It fucking killed me that she had to deal with this. That she’d had this shit done to her in the first place. It killed me, and I’d do anything to help her forget.
“One word, baby. That’s it. One word and I’ll stop.”
“I know you will.” She reached out and gripped my thighs, her fingers digging into my flesh, and I took her unspoken request and placed myself at her entrance, then pushed forward.
Her eyes fluttered shut the farther in I got, until our bodies were flush and I was seated as deeply inside her as I could get. I gripped her hips as I slowly pumped into her, dragging my cock out and pushing in deep enough to hear that little gasp leave her lips. She felt so good, so fucking good around me, it took everything in me not to lean over and brace myself on top of her, pound into her until we were both coming. My cock was begging for it, begging to fuck her hard and deep. But more than that, more than the need for pleasure that was coursing through my veins, was the need to make sure she was okay. To make this good for her.
I rocked forward, rolling my hips and guiding her body forward and back over mine, until she was arching against the bed. Her head was pressed into the pillow, her back bowed, her tits like an offering in front of me. And I had to take. I bent over her, leaning down until I could take one of the hard peaks into my mouth. I gently scraped my teeth over it, then captured it between them and tugged just how she liked it, flicking my tongue over the tip at the same time.
“Shit.” She moaned and reached up to grip my hair, her fingers digging in and keeping me held tightly to her.
As much as I loved driving her crazy like this, as much as I loved my mouth all over her, I wanted—needed—to see her. To watch her reactions … know she was okay. That this was still okay. Pulling back, I sat up on my knees again and looked down at her, at her body spread out and offered up to me like a feast. Her eyes were half closed, her lips parted, her skin flushed and beautiful. Her nipples were hard and shiny from my mouth, the gentle slope of her stomach calling to me. I ran my hand over it, then shifted my eyes down and watched where she was taking me into her body, her pussy stretching around my cock. Seeing it, seeing how wet she was, how wet she’d made me, reassured me that she was okay. This was as good for her as it was for me.
I dragged my eyes away from the sight before me and looked at her face. She was watching me the same as I was watching her, and seeing the blind trust in her eyes, that open vulnerability that hadn’t ever been there before, tore at my fucking heart.
I’d moved on since she’d been gone, moved on as best I could. I’d tried to forget about her, but I never really had. I’d lived my life seeking vengeance for her, and she’d always been with me, by my side with every job I’d taken, every directive I’d carried out. She’d never left.
I’d loved her when I was a stupid sixteen-year-old. I’d loved her at seventeen and eighteen, as our relationship went on, as we’d grown closer. I’d loved her as I grieved for her, as I sought justice for her death. And despite trying hard to forget her, despite trying hard to leave her in the past where I’d thought she belonged, I’d loved her every year since.
And I loved her now.
Even though I was inside her, I needed her closer yet. I wanted her by me, face-to-face, but I didn’t want to press her into the mattress. I didn’t want to take the chance that it might trigger her, didn’t want to ruin whatever progress she was making now, being with me like this. Instead, I leaned forward and slid my hands under her back by her shoulder blades, then lifted her to me, sitting her in my lap and bringing her face right up to mine. As soon as she sank down on my cock, filling her completely, we both moaned. Evie’s eyes fluttered closed before she opened them again, bringing her mouth to mine for a kiss.
She wrapped her arms around my shoulders as we rocked together, me on my knees and her in my lap, my hands on her ass as I guided her up and down along my length. Rocked together until our breaths came out in gasps and pants, until all words blended together into unintelligible ramblings, oaths to God and pleas for more and silent promises spoken between our bodies. And through it all, I couldn’t get close enough to her. Couldn’t get deep enough inside her.
I wanted to consume her.
Because for the past seven years, she’d been consuming me.
When she clenched around me, her pussy squeezing me tight as she came in my arms, I knew that was it for me. She was it for me. I went over the edge, spilling inside her, with the thought that whatever fight we had in front of us, whatever challenges we faced at the hands of Max, I’d do everything in my power to make sure this was a fight she’d didn’t have to go through on her own.
Chapter Twenty-Six
EVIE
Riley’s arms were warm and strong, his heartbeat steady under my ear, and it was all so … normal. Was this what life could be like? Was this something I could have? Even after everything that had happened, all the shit I’d endured, was this something I could count on? Was Riley someone I could count on?
Remembering how he’d touched me, how he’d looked down at me when I’d been lying there, offering absolutely everything I had to him, sent a shiver up my spine, had a warmth settling deep in my heart. Because I knew. I knew.
Of course I could count on him.
I didn’t know why I’d ever doubted him. I should’ve known, after all the years, that he wouldn’t fail me.
Opening up to him, not just my memories, not just exposing my past to him, but literally laying myself bare before him and allowing myself to be vulnerable to him, had been the scariest thing I’d ever done in my life. I’d let him see into the darkest recesses of my soul, trusting that he wouldn’t hurt me. Wouldn’t take advantage of what I’d given him.
Even more than the high I got at being in control, the rush I felt at having his complete and utter acceptance was unprecedented.
Riley took a deep breath, his chest rising under my cheek. His arm was around me, his hand settled possessively on my hip. Normally I would’ve hated it, hated that firm grasp, holding me so tightly to his body. But I couldn’t do anything but revel in the feel of it now.
It made me feel … protected.
“You doin’ okay?” His voice was a quiet rumble vibrating against my ear.
He hadn’t said anything after he’d laid us both down on the bed, tugging me into his side. We’d lain there for so long I lost track, nothing but the sounds of the street outside and our breaths filling the loft. I didn’t know if he realized I would need some time after, if he was giving me space, or if he’d needed space, too.
“Yeah,” I answered, tracing my fingers over the rippled edges of his abdomen. “It was hard, talking about it. The most difficult thing I’ve ever done. I knew it would be. But I don’t regret telling you.” I took a deep breath and blew it out, smiling when his muscles tensed under my hand. “It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It’s … I don’t know, it’s hard to explain.” I thought about how it felt like I could finally breathe and said, “It feels like I can finally suck in a lungful of air instead of surviving on only shallow breaths.”
He exhaled heavily, and I could almost hear the relief in it. “I was hoping you didn’t regret it.”