"Like some guys you did it with don't count," Marcus's wife, Madison, says bluntly.

"Exactly," Lori and I agree.

"Wait," Danny says. "So who wouldn't count?"

Madison says, "I know one. The guy you meet at the bar and thought was hot. But when you sobered up, you realized he wasn't. Like not at all. I don't think you'd count him."

Marcus is like, "Why wouldn't you count him?"

To which I replied, "Because if you would've been in your right mind, you never would have."

Duh.

Madison tells us, "I had a friend call me me one shameful morning and ask me if it counts when you wake up naked in a guy's bed, but you don't remember doing anything."

"What'd you tell her?" Chase asks.

"I told her not to worry, that it didn't count. If you don't remember it, you didn't do it, right?"

"That's how Lori kept her numbers down," I tease.

"Okay, I can kinda understand that," Alex says. "So does that mean girls don't count ANY one night stands or drunken sex?"

"I think if he was hot, you'd count him," Madison says.

"Oh, yes. If he was hot, you'd definitely count him."

Lori finally decides to pipe in on the conversation. "Jade, remember that hotass bartender you did? You count him, don't you?"

"What bartender?" Phillip asks.

I'm running boys through my mind, praying that I slept with another bartender somewhere along the way, and that's the one she's remembering.

But, no.

She looks at Phillip and Danny like they're idiots. "You KNOW, the one from Keggers that always let Jade drink even though he knew she was underage. He had that adorable spiky blonde hair, those big green eyes, and the longest eyelashes we'd ever seen. What was his name?"

"Bradley?!" Phillip says. "You slept with Bradley?"

"Uh....maybe." I put on my sweetest face, complete with adorable grin.

I hope.

Danny's like, "So that's why we always got free drinks? And here I always thought it was cuz I was the hot shit Husker quarterback. Although, come to think of it, I only got free rounds when I was with you."

"We got free rounds A LOT," Phillip states adamantly.

"Uh, well, it may have been more than one, one night stand," Lori says. "Did you really not know that, Phillip?"

"No, I did not," Phillip says, his eyes boring into mine.

I give Danny my I'm panicked here, please do something look, but he thinks it's funny and is laughing at me.

Fortunately, Alex chips in, "Who else wouldn't you count?"

"If he sucked," his wife says.

There are choruses of Yeah, Exactly, and For sure from the girls.

"Oh, and if you cheated on your boyfriend with someone, I don't think you would count him either," Lori says with a grin.

"I could get you in a lot of trouble, you know. I have way more dirt on you," I whisper quietly to her.

"You ladies are scaring me," Marcus says. "So who WOULD you count?"

To that, he gets a bunch of replies.

"Guys you had a relationship with."

"Hot guys."

"Yeah, definitely the hot ones."

"The ones that were gooooood."

"Yeah, even if they weren't that hot."

"Oh, and the memorable ones," I say.

"Memorable, how?" Danny asks.

Lori opens her big mouth AGAIN. "Ooooohhhh, like the guy that worked at the movie theater?"

"What was memorable about the movie theater guy?" Chase asks.

"Let's just say it has to do with popcorn butter and the back of a movie theater and leave it at that," Lori says.

"Oh my god, Lori, you're making me sound like a slut. I dated the movie theater guy for two months and never had sex with him. It's not like I did him for free popcorn."

Danny gets mouthy. "Two whole months, Jay, that was like a record for you."

"Uh, no. Four months was my record, and you have no room to talk, Mr. Revolving Bedroom Door."

"How long will you and Phillip have been dating when you get married?"

"Four months," I shoot back.

Danny pats Phillip on the back and says, "Dude." Like in sorrow.

"Danny, maybe we should talk about your sex life. How many girls are on that list? I mean, I lost count sophomore year."

"You were never very good with math, blondie," Danny quips.

"Shut up!" I yell.

Lori says, "Yeah, Danny, how many? We've never really discussed this."

I can tease Danny all I want to, but I love him, and I can see that this conversation is going nowhere good and fast. So I toss him a life preserver by saying, "Well, how many for you, Lori? Remember that wrestler dude? And who could forget all the things you did with that guy from your anatomy class in the name of studying?" Let's put her under the microscope for a little while.

"Jay, we may need to talk about this later," Danny teases.

"Trust me, Danny, her number is smaller than yours. Even without the mental revisions."

"That's weird," Alex says, "because I think guys count every single girl, regardless of the circumstances."

"Even if she was nasty?" I question.

"Uh, yeah, I think so, guys?"

And all the guys are like, "Yeah."

"What if she was your best friend's girl?" Marcus's wife, Madison asks.

Marcus says, "Yeah, sure. I mean, I did."

Then both he and his wife get big grins on their faces, and he continues. "But then again, I married her."

I went to look at wedding dresses again yesterday. Still no luck. Lori must have been feeling my frustration all the way down in Kansas City.

While I'm driving to work, my phone rings.

"So did you find a dress last night?"

"No, I suck," I whine. "I thought the dress would be the easiest part. I may have to go naked."

"That would fit your whole XXX theme."

"Yeah," I say as further depression sets in.

"So, I have a plan. Danny plays the Jets in New York next Sunday, and I think we should tag along and do some serious shopping. I heard there's a store there that has the biggest wedding dress selection in the world. We could leave Friday, shop all day Saturday, and see the game Sunday."

"Sounds like a plan to me, although, I'm gonna have to see if my boss will let me off work."

"He will. He's invited too. We also invited both the Diamonds and the Macs. Are you okay with the moms helping you shop?"

"Just promise me no STD jokes."

"Deal! Oh, Jade, I'm so excited!! I know I'll be able to help you find the perfect dress!"

"I sure hope so, Lori. I sure hope so."

As soon as I get in the office, Phillip shuts his door, pushes me up against it, and kisses me. "You're late," he says. "I'm your boss. I'm probably going to have to write you up or something."

"No, you're just always early."

He grabs my ass. "Maybe you should offer to sleep with the boss, so you can get ahead."

"I'm surprised you'd want me to sleep with your dad, Phillip."

He chuckles and kisses the side of my neck just under my ear. I swear, it makes me weak in the knees. It's a good thing I'm up against the door. "I'm pretty sure I'm your boss."