His gruff voice had a hard edge. “I killed a man.”

How could I melt his resolve? I let out a long slow breath, steadying my nerves as I continued. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. Often, we are our own worst enemy.” I closed my eyes and placed my cheek on his back. “We’re hardest on ourselves. Even when others are willing to forgive us, we still beat ourselves up. It’s human nature.”

“Bitch, you don’t know what you’re saying.” His voice was hard, cold, even. I knew he was hurting so badly that he needed to put up this front.

“It’s OK, Ryder. You can pretend you don’t love me, but I know better. You’re just trying to protect me. It’s what you do best. And I love you even more for it. I believe in you.”

He sucked in a breath.

“I know we can make it work. All we need is love, and one another. I need nothing more than that. I don’t need material stuff. I need the love of a man who worships me. That’s what I want. You, Ryder.”

He stiffened. Although he wasn’t saying a word, I prayed that he was taking it all in. He had to know how I felt about him, especially after divulging his past. He was damaged, and I wanted to help him heal. I'd spend the rest of my life helping him mend.

“I'm not giving up on you. Ever. Take the time you need, go ride your bike to wherever.” Was I really telling him to go away? It was the last thing I wanted him to do. I sighed, weariness overcoming me. If only he wasn’t so stubborn.

“Listen to your heart. It never lies. It knows all the answers. We were brought to one another for a reason—our worlds collided because we belong together. I love you, Ryder Knox. Everything you are—the good and the bad. I want nothing more—only your love. When you’re ready, I’ll be here. Because I’m never giving up on us.”

He loosened my arms from around his waist and rose from the bed. He stood over me, looking down, his gaze drifting over my naked body—the body he had just fucked and was now rejecting.

His eyes were hard. “Princess. You’re wrong. I don’t love you. You're a good fuck, I’ll admit that much.” His lips pulled into a snarl. “But I tire quickly of fucking the same woman. You were nothing more than a challenge. I needed to break that haughty uptight bitch down to size. Now I’ve done that, I'm satisfied.” He licked his lips.

All I could do, was stare at him, stunned. My blood ran cold.

“Go marry Marcus. He’s what a bitch like you deserves. I’m out of here. Thanks for the fuck tonight, I’ll put your notch on my bedpost.”

How could he be so cruel? The stabbing pain in my heart was unbearable. I clutched the sheets in my fists, recoiling from his words.

He laughed bitterly as he pulled his tee over his head and disappeared from my bedroom, the same way as he had appeared. Unexpectedly.

If Ryder’s intention was to shred my heart as payback for judging him, he’d done a damn fine job of it.

I was broken. Empty. Shattered.

By Ryder Knox—the man I loved with all my heart.

How fucked up was that?

Chapter 23 ~ Ryder

Razor slammed his fists on the table. “Fuck no! I don’t accept this shit. This is a truckload of crap and you know it.” He glared at his brother, nostrils flaring, fists balled as he challenged Cobra. “I won't have some smartass cop dictate my fucking life. No, and fucking hell no!” he roared.

When Razor got mad, it was futile to attempt to calm him. It only fueled his anger. Besides, I was just as infuriated as he was. Brother’s bitches were always welcome at the clubhouse and compound, and now Cobra and the other patched members wanted to place a ban on new women coming in. They may as well have named them directly. We all knew it was Jade and Lexi that were the problem. All because of Jade’s fucking snooping brother.

“Razor. Reel it in, man. It’s best for the club. For everybody.” Cobra gave Razor the death stare. He was asserting himself as president¸ and final decision-maker. “Sit down. Both of you.” He grumbled at Razor and myself. I hadn’t even realized I’d risen from my chair, I was that worked up.

Cobra sighed. “It’s because Summers interfered with the weapons deal we had going with the Northern Commando MC that it went fucking sour. My informant also said Summers initiated the fucking raid by the LA Demons. Motherfucker Summers has a death wish. He was trying to get the two MC clubs to fight one another in the hopes we’d wipe each other out, and save him the trouble.”

“I say we put a hit on the motherfucker. It’s time to get rid of him.” Razor’s solution to most obstacles was simply to get rid of the source of the problem. It usually worked for him, too.

Drawing in a breath, I shook my head. “No. We can't.”

Fuck. Months ago, I would’ve volunteered to be the fucking hit man. To cut him and let him bleed, slowly, for causing Cobra’s near death. But now . . . now that I knew that the motherfucker who was undermining all our club plans was Jade’s brother, I couldn’t allow it to happen.

If only Summers were transferred to another division, if only he wasn’t Jade’s brother, and if only he wasn’t poking his fucking nose into club business.

Even though I’d given Jade up, vowed never to see her again for her own safety and for my sanity, I knew it would crush her if her brother got killed. I couldn’t cause her that loss, and that immense pain after everything she had been through. There had to be a better way. I had to find a way around this that didn't mean that Harrison Summers had to die.

It was fucking complicated. Since Jade had told me the story, I understood why the motherfucker was so hell-bent on stopping our arms deal. And why he was as hard on the LA Demons and Northern Commando MC as he was on our MC. I even agreed that he had a fucking death wish. But I wasn’t going to be the one finishing him off. No fucking way.

Razor removed his switchblade knife from its holster and started cleaning his nails with the sharp point. “I don’t care that we have to get a new bar bitch. That’s fine. But I want Lexi to be able to come to the club at any time.”

”Yeah. Me too.” Ox spoke up for the first time since the meeting had started. “Boss, have you forgotten that it was Lexi who actually saved the day when Summers and his squad came to the compound? If she hadn’t stayed behind to diffuse the situation with her cousin it could’ve gone off a lot worse. The fuckers would’ve turned the place upside down. You know they thrive on that shit. How many TVs have we had to replace over the years ‘cause those fuckers get their kicks out of smashing our stuff?”

Watching in amazement, I chuckled—Ox and Razor were actually in agreement for once. They were both sweet on Lexi, that much was clear. But that only meant a different kind of war going on inside the club walls. Brother to brother. Fuck.

As his VP, I had to stay on Cobra’s side. “Yeah, Lexi was smart to not make a getaway with Jade and Ratbag. I was surprised as fuck that she stayed. That does say a lot about her loyalty to the club. But, I also see where Boss is coming from. We can't risk Summers and his trigger happy bunch of fuckers coming back to look for them. Christ, that just gives him the opportunity to snoop. We provide the reason—he’s gonna take it.”

Ox’s jaw dropped in surprise. He’d seen Jade leave my room that day, because nothing escaped Ox’s watchful eyes. And he knew we’d been fucking like rabbits in there. His wink over the pool table later that evening confirmed that he knew Jade was my woman.

“Huh? Ryder—you don’t want your bitch to come over? What’s wrong with you man?” Razor groaned. He’d bargained on me being on his side in this argument.

I shrugged. “Jade’s no longer my woman. I gave her up. It’s just better this way.”

All eyes were on me now. Even Hammer, who was usually fiddling on his phone during meetings because he was bored, gave me his full attention. They knew I didn't give up easily if I wanted something. I could read the surprise on every face.