Put up your sword. If this young gentleman

Have done offence, I take the fault on me.

If you offend him, I for him defy you.

SIR TOBY You, sir? Why, what are you?

ANTONIO

One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more

Than you have heard him brag to you he will.

SIR TOBY (drawing his sword) Nay, if you be an undertaker,

I am for you.

Enter Officers

FABIAN O, good Sir Toby, hold. Here come the officers.

SIR TOBY (to Antonio) I’ll be with you anon.

VIOLA (to Sir Andrew) Pray, sir, put your sword up if you please.

SIR ANDREW Marry will I, sir, and for that I promised you I’ll be as good as my word. He will bear you easily, and reins well.

Sir Andrew and Viola put up their swords

FIRST OFFICER This is the man, do thy office.

SECOND OFFICER Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit of Count Orsino.

ANTONIO You do mistake me, sir.

FIRST OFFICER

No, sir, no jot. I know your favour well,

Though now you have no seacap on your head.

(To Second Officer) Take him away, he knows I know

him well.

ANTONIO

I must obey. (To Viola) This comes with seeking you.

But there’s no remedy, I shall answer it.

What will you do now my necessity

Makes me to ask you for my purse? It grieves me

Much more for what I cannot do for you

Than what befalls myself. You stand amazed,

But be of comfort.

SECOND OFFICER Come, sir, away.

ANTONIO (to Viola)

I must entreat of you some of that money.

VIOLA What money, sir?

For the fair kindness you have showed me here,

And part being prompted by your present trouble,

Out of my lean and low ability

I’ll lend you something. My having is not much.

I’ll make division of my present with you.

Hold, (offering money) there’s half my coffer.

ANTONIO

Will you deny me now?

Is’t possible that my deserts to you

Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery,

Lest that it make me so unsound a man

As to upbraid you with those kindnesses

That I have done for you.

VIOLA

I know of none,

Nor know I you by voice, or any feature.

I hate ingratitude more in a man

Than lying, vainness, babbling drunkenness,

Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption

Inhabits our frail blood.

ANTONIO

O heavens themselves!

SECOND OFFICER Come, sir, I pray you go.

ANTONIO

Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here

I snatched one half out of the jaws of death,

Relieved him with such sanctity of love,

And to his image, which methought did promise

Most venerable worth, did I devotion.

FIRST OFFICER

What’s that to us? The time goes by, away.

ANTONIO

But O, how vile an idol proves this god!

Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame.

In nature there’s no blemish but the mind.

None can be called deformed but the unkind.

Virtue is beauty, but the beauteous evil

Are empty trunks o’er-flourished by the devil.

FIRST OFFICER

The man grows mad, away with him. Come, come, sir.

ANTONIO Lead me on.

Exit with Officers

VIOLA (aside)

Methinks his words do from such passion fly

That he believes himself. So do not I.

Prove true, imagination, O prove true,

That I, dear brother, be now ta’en for you!

SIR TOBY Come hither, knight. Come hither, Fabian. We’ll whisper o’er a couplet or two of most sage saws.

They stand aside

VIOLA

He named Sebastian. I my brother know

Yet living in my glass. Even such and so

In favour was my brother, and he went

Still in this fashion, colour, ornament,

For him I imitate. O, if it prove,

Tempests are kind, and salt waves fresh in love! Exit

SIR TOBY (to Sir Andrew) A very dishonest, paltry boy, and more a coward than a hare. His dishonesty appears in leaving his friend here in necessity, and denying him; and for his cowardship, ask Fabian.

FABIAN A coward, a most devout coward, religious in it.

SIR ANDREW ’Slid, I’ll after him again, and beat him.

SIR TOBY Do, cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword.

SIR ANDREW An I do not—

Exit

FABIAN Come, let’s see the event.

SIR TOBY I dare lay any money ’twill be nothing yet.

Exeunt

4.1 Enter Sebastian and Feste, the clown

FESTE Will you make me believe that I am not sent for you?

SEBASTIAN

Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow,

Let me be clear of thee.

FESTE Well held out, i’faith! No, I do not know you, nor I am not sent to you by my lady to bid you come speak with her, nor your name is not Master Cesario, nor this is not my nose, neither. Nothing that is so, is so.

SEBASTIAN

I prithee vent thy folly somewhere else,

Thou know’st not me.

FESTE Vent my folly! He has heard that word of some great man, and now applies it to a fool. Vent my folly—I am afraid this great lubber the world will prove a cockney. I prithee now ungird thy strangeness, and tell me what I shall ‘vent’ to my lady? Shall I ‘vent’ to her that thou art coming?

SEBASTIAN

I prithee, foolish Greek, depart from me.

There’s money for thee. If you tarry longer

I shall give worse payment.

FESTE By my troth, thou hast an open hand. These wise men that give fools money get themselves a good report, after fourteen years’ purchase.

Enter Sir Andrew, Sir Toby, and Fabian

SIR ANDREW (to Sebastian) Now, sir, have I met you again?

(Striking him) There’s for you.

SEBASTIAN [striking Sir Andrew with his dagger]

Why, there’s for thee, and there, and there.

Are all the people mad?

SIR TOBY (to Sebastian, holding him back) Hold, sir, or I’ll throw your dagger o’er the house.

FESTE This will I tell my lady straight, I would not be in some of your coats for twopence. Exit

SIR TOBY Come on, sir, hold.

SIR ANDREW Nay, let him alone, I’ll go another way to work with him. I’ll have an action of battery against him if there be any law in Illyria. Though I struck him first, yet it’s no matter for that.