MERCUTIO Nay, I am the very pink of courtesy.

ROMEO Pink for flower.

MERCUTIO Right.

ROMEO Why, then is my pump well flowered.

MERCUTIO Sure wit, follow me this jest now till thou hast worn out thy pump, that when the single sole of it is worn, the jest may remain, after the wearing, solely singular.

ROMEO O single-soled jest, solely singular for the singleness!

MERCUTIO Come between us, good Benvolio. My wits faints.

ROMEO Switch and spurs, switch and spurs, or I’ll cry a match.

MERCUTIO Nay, if our wits run the wild-goose chase, I am done, for thou hast more of the wild goose in one of thy wits than I am sure I have in my whole five. Was I with you there for the goose?

ROMEO Thou wast never with me for anything when thou wast not there for the goose.

MERCUTIO I will bite thee by the ear for that jest.

ROMEO Nay, good goose, bite not.

MERCUTIO Thy wit is very bitter sweeting, it is a most sharp sauce.

ROMEO And is it not then well served in to a sweet goose?

MERCUTIO O, here’s a wit of cheverel, that stretches from an inch narrow to an ell broad.

ROMEO I stretch it out for that word ‘broad’, which, added to the goose, proves thee far and wide a broad goose.

MERCUTIO Why, is not this better now than groaning for love? Now art thou sociable, now art thou Romeo, now art thou what thou art by art as well as by nature, for this drivelling love is like a great natural that runs lolling up and down to hide his bauble in a hole.

BENVOLIO Stop there, stop there.

MERCUTIO Thou desirest me to stop in my tale against the hair.

BENVOLIO Thou wouldst else have made thy tale large. MERCUTIO O, thou art deceived, I would have made it short, for I was come to the whole depth of my tale, and meant indeed to occupy the argument no longer. Enter the Nurse, and Peter, her man

ROMEO Here’s goodly gear.

⌈BENVOLIO⌉ A sail, a sail!

MERCUTIO Two, two—a shirt and a smock.

NURSE Peter.

PETER Anon.

NURSE My fan, Peter.

MERCUTIO Good Peter, to hide her face, for her fan’s the fairer face.

NURSE God ye good morrow, gentlemen.

MERCUTIO God ye good e’en, fair gentlewoman.

NURSE Is it good e’en?

MERCUTIO ’Tis no less, I tell ye: for the bawdy hand of the dial is now upon the prick of noon.

NURSE Out upon you, what a man are you!

ROMEO One, gentlewoman, that God hath made for himself to mar.

NURSE By my troth, it is well said. ‘For himself to mar’, quoth a? Gentlemen, can any of you tell me where I may find the young Romeo?

ROMEO I can tell you, but young Romeo will be older when you have found him than he was when you sought him. I am the youngest of that name, for fault of a worse.

NURSE You say well.

MERCUTIO Yea, is the worst well? Very well took, i’faith, wisely, wisely.

NURSE (to Romeo) If you be he, sir, I desire some confidence with you.

BENVOLIO She will endite him to some supper.

MERCUTIO A bawd, a bawd, a bawd. So ho!

ROMEO What hast thou found?

MERCUTIO No hare, sir, unless a hare, sir, in a lenten pie, that is something stale and hoar ere it be spent.

⌈He walks by them and⌉ sings

An old hare hoar

And an old hare hoar

Is very good meat in Lent.

But a hare that is hoar

Is too much for a score

When it hoars ere it be spent.

Romeo, will you come to your father’s ? We’ll to dinner thither.

ROMEO I will follow you.

MERCUTIO Farewell, ancient lady. Farewell, ⌈sings⌉ ‘lady, lady, lady’. Exeunt Mercutio and Benvolio

NURSE I pray you, sir, what saucy merchant was this that was so full of his ropery?

ROMEO A gentleman, Nurse, that loves to hear himself talk, and will speak more in a minute than he will stand to in a month.

NURSE An a speak anything against me, I’ll take him down an a were lustier than he is, and twenty such jacks; an if I cannot, I’ll find those that shall. Scurvy knave! I am none of his flirt-jills, I am none of his skeans-mates. (To Peter) And thou must stand by, too, and suffer every knave to use me at his pleasure.

PETER I saw no man use you at his pleasure. If I had, my weapon should quickly have been out; I warrant you, I dare draw as soon as another man if I see occasion in a good quarrel, and the law on my side.

NURSE Now, afore God, I am so vexed that every part about me quivers. Scurvy knave! (To Romeo) Pray you, sir, a word; and, as I told you, my young lady bid me enquire you out. What she bid me say I will keep to myself, but first let me tell ye if ye should lead her in a fool’s paradise, as they say, it were a very gross kind of behaviour, as they say, for the gentlewoman is young; and therefore if you should deal double with her, truly it were an ill thing to be offered to any gentlewoman, and very weak dealing.

ROMEO Nurse, commend me to thy lady and mistress. I protest unto thee—

NURSE Good heart, and i’faith I will tell her as much. Lord, Lord, she will be a joyful woman.

ROMEO What wilt thou tell her, Nurse? Thou dost not mark me.

NURSE I will tell her, sir, that you do protest; which as I take it is a gentlemanlike offer.

ROMEO Bid her devise

Some means to come to shrift this afternoon,

And there she shall at Friar Laurence’ cell

Be shrived and married. (Offering money) Here is for

thy pains.

NURSE No, truly, sir, not a penny.

ROMEO Go to, I say, you shall.

NURSE ⌈taking the money⌉

This afternoon, sir. Well, she shall be there.

ROMEO

And stay, good Nurse, behind the abbey wall.

Within this hour my man shall be with thee

And bring thee cords made like a tackled stair,

Which to the high topgallant of my joy

Must be my convoy in the secret night.

Farewell. Be trusty, and I’ll quit thy pains.

Farewell. Commend me to thy mistress.

NURSE

Now God in heaven bless thee! Hark you, sir.

ROMEO What sayst thou, my dear Nurse?

NURSE

Is your man secret? Did you ne‘er hear say

‘Two may keep counsel, putting one away’ ?

ROMEO

I warrant thee my man’s as true as steel.

NURSE

Well, sir, my mistress is the sweetest lady.

Lord, Lord, when ’twas a little prating thing—

O, there is a nobleman in town, one Paris,

That would fain lay knife aboard; but she, good soul,

Had as lief see a toad, a very toad,

As see him. I anger her sometimes,

And tell her that Paris is the properer man;

But I’ll warrant you, when I say so she looks

As pale as any clout in the versal world.

Doth not rosemary and Romeo begin

Both with a letter?

ROMEO

Ay, Nurse, what of that? Both with an ‘R’.

NURSE Ah, mocker—that’s the dog’s name. ’R’ is for the—no, I know it begins with some other letter, and she hath the prettiest sententious of it, of you and rosemary, that it would do you good to hear it.