the man I love helps me to shave or with more complicated matters like finding a house and getting

married, what kind of man would that make me? You had the courage and the patience to wait for

weeks until I was ready to wake up, not even knowing if I would stay alive. I honestly can’t bring

myself to make a fuss about my male identity.”

“But you don’t mind me making a fuss about your masculinity in the bedroom?”

“I insist on you getting all bothered by it.”

Before they start giggling like schoolgirls, Daniël places his arm firmly around Steve’s body

and together, they stumble towards the bedroom.

They undress quickly, too eager to do it the nice and slow way. Once that bit is done, time

again is of no consequence. This is their date and they can do whatever they please and take as much

time as they like.

Kissing for the sake of kissing. Touching for the sake of touching. Not ignoring the sexual

excitement that becomes obvious with their erections, but simply accepting and enjoying it for its own

beauty.

So when Daniël takes a pillow and gestures that he wants to shove it under Steve’s hips, Steve

simply nods his consent. He opens his legs wide enough to give his lover easy access, but no more

than feels absolutely comfortable.

Daniël’s tongue doesn’t surprise him, but still makes his breathing hitch for a few seconds.

Such a patient tongue, talented and patient and doing things that makes Steve want to surrender his

whole body and yes please yes ...

It’s just one finger. One single finger. It brings tears to his eyes because ...

How to explain this journey even to himself?

Daniël’s tongue; his finger.

His body has to learn all over again.

He has to learn all over again.

Daniël’s finger exploring him. His mouth, oh sweet mercy, around aching flesh.

He thinks wedding night.

He thinks Daniël.

Then all thinking stops. Only to return when he’s in his beloved’s arms, smiling back at his

smile. He notices Daniël’s still very hard cock.

“I wish ...”

“We will ...” Daniël kisses him. “We have time. But for now, indulge me?”

Steve nods.

“Fuck me with two, perhaps three, of your fingers while I jerk off?” Daniël gets the lube from

the bed table.

“One of our favourites.” Steve holds his right hand up. “Ready when you are.”

And when Daniël lies on his back, his legs spread so beautifully obscenely wide, his body open

and ready for him, Steve feels his heart shatter with joy.

Chapter 26

The contract for the house gets signed and Steve can hardly believe how absolutely not

concerned he is about this major decision. Having to say yes or no to colour schemes and drapes and

furniture, however, is giving him a rapid succession of headaches.

“I don’t know and I don’t care. You’re there, so what more do I need?”

He’s just so tired. Days are overfull, hard work doesn’t always get rewarded proportionally

despite the improvement, and he starts to wonder what it will take for Degaré to give Daniël at least a

chance with the substitutes during a game against a relatively easy opponent. The boy hadn’t been

injured, after all, he’s just out of match fitness, and how is he supposed to get that back if he doesn’t

get to play any matches? As for his own health, the visit to the hospital showed that yes, he had made

progress during the weeks after his release, but it also becomes more and more clear that most of the

still-remaining damage might well be long-term or even permanent.

Somehow, the big things are not that hard. Sharing his life with Daniël, and thus getting

married and buying a home, comes naturally to him. But it’s all the small stuff that makes him want to

hide.

“I’m sorry this is asking too much of you. Tell you what, I’ll do all the talking with the

designer and the contractor. What I like, I’ll show you and there’s no way I can’t read from your face

if you agree with me or not. I just have to see you smile, that’s all.”

Steve feels embarrassed for being so relieved and it must be plainly visible on his face because

Daniël starts to laugh.

“I’m sorry. I’m useless to you at the moment.”

The laughter stops immediately.

“Don’t you realise you’re looking at a man who half the time doesn’t know what to do with

himself because he’s drowning in joy? My days are full of work and training and organising things

and my nights are filled with holding my man. I get to take care of the man I love, counting the days

until we get married and move into our first home, instead of counting the days, and then the weeks

and the months and the years, since … I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have started that sentence.”

“You can’t say in all honesty it’s that easy.”

The gentle invitation gets ignored.

“I don’t want easy, I want you. You going through the apartment with less and less need to use

your crutches. You smiling because I showed you the picture of a floor lamp we both like.” Daniël

kisses Steve before he continues. “Yeah, so life is complicated and sometimes I wish we were a couple

of years further down the line so at least we have a bit more certainty about some things, but this is

still the best thing that could ever happen to me. Because you happened to me.”

“You think you can hold me for a bit so I can get those thoughts out of my head?”

They lie on the couch for a while, Daniël’s arms firmly around Steve’s body.

“I wanted to wait till tonight, but I just have to tell you. Degaré wants me to play next Saturday

against Bolton. Well, you know the gaffer, I’ll start on the bench and with a bit of luck... It’s not a

huge game, and he probably wants Levee or Lain rested for the one against Chelsea and Neil has a bit

of a problem with his left calf muscle, but it’s the chance to prove I can handle a match again.”

Steve has to let the words sink in for a moment.

“It must be tough for you...” Daniël starts, but Steve gently places a finger on his lips.

“Hush, love, this is great news for both of us. You are part of it all again.”

“And you’re not ...”

“I said my goodbyes in that park, even before I realised I wouldn’t come out alive. I get to see

you again at Chestnut Road where you belong, on the bench first, but perhaps even playing. Allow me

my happiness.” He smiles at Daniël’s frown. “This isn’t about fair and unfair. Not between us.”

He sees Daniël’s dilemma written all over his face. So he answers the question before it is

being asked. “I’ll be there. We will face this together. And no one will be more proud than I.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt. It’s the first time, you and I during a match, you know what they

can shout and chant and sing ...”

“Most will be Kinbridge fans anyway. They’ll be excited to see you playing again. And

whatever will be chanted about us won’t be any worse than what we hear week after week about so

many players for so many reasons. No marital problem, no tragedy in the family, no wag committing a

faux-pas gets unnoticed. Or else a player is too skinny or too fat, too short or too tall. Hey, it’s not

really a secret you and I are doing it,” Steve jokes.

“Talking about doing it ...” Daniël rubs his body somewhat unsubtly against Steve’s.

“The big little boy is getting eager?” Steve cups his hand around the bulge. “I want this in my

mouth between now and ten minutes at the most.”

He considers the seven minutes it actually takes him to get up from the couch, walk to the

bedroom, get naked and feel Daniël’s velvety cock glide between his lips a very acceptable time.

*

The days before the match are being in happy anticipation. Steve watches the training during