about it.

It’s time for another cup of whatever it is he’s supposed to drink. After that, he tries for a few

more minutes of exercising his leg muscles.

“Yer set a date already for the wedding?” Anthony asks while Steve stretches and relaxes his

feet.

“From what I understand, Dan needs to do a bit of paperwork, because we can only get legally

married in Holland and officially he lives here, in England,” Steve explains. “But he’s a Dutch citizen

and for me EU rules apply, so it should technically be okay. Recognition in England is another matter,

but we’ll deal with that later.”

“You’re right about wanting the real thing and not some stupid compromise to keep the

religious people happy.” Anthony doesn’t need two seconds to have his reaction ready.

Steve appreciates it deeply. “We haven’t really talked it over yet in detail. It was kind of

unexpected for both of us.”

“Yer just get out of hospital first. I can imagine yer not being up for some huge party.”

Steve doesn’t care either way at this point. He just knows he wants to be with Daniël. A short

ceremony in front of a civil servant, putting their signatures on the dotted line and going to their

shared home. Unnoticed by everyone. But that’s probably not quite how it’s going to happen. Not with

their relationship no longer being their own private business.

Daniël steps into the room with a bright smile and warm kisses. He smells so wonderfully of

fresh air and grass, Steve can’t stop himself from pressing his nose right into the crook of his

beloved’s neck.

“Now yer behave, lads, till I’m gone.” Anthony’s eyes have those little lights that tell he’s

actually having fun with the whole situation. “Before I forget, Neil and Dag are planning on visiting

you tomorrow after training. They’re asking if yer want them to bring something specific with them.”

“They told me, yeah.” Daniël nods.

“And, thanks,” Steve adds.

“For what?” The other man looks sincerely puzzled.

“Everything.”

Anthony shrugs, obviously not sure how to react. “I’ll see yer both next week or so. Oh, and

Dan? We could do with another defender. Heard yer any good, so yer available by chance?”

“Liverpool gave you a thrashing last Wednesday. Four against one? Painful.”

“Don’t remind me...” And he’s gone.

The door hasn’t even closed when Daniël kicks his shoes off and gets in with Steve. They

snuggle close together, finding places for arms and legs, their bodies heavy with desire.

“You smell so nice,” Steve whispers, tasting the salty clean sweat.

The kisses Daniël gives him taste better than any food ever could. He decides to stop worrying,

at least for today, about the gap where teeth should be, about bones sticking out or about how there are

enough scars to form a language of their own. Instead, he concentrates on the velvety glide of his

lover’s tongue over his lips. The soft puffs of Dan’s breath against his cheek. The soft moan when he

answers his kisses.

It gets all warm and fuzzy in his belly, and feelings that are not forgotten – never that, but

perhaps he should say they are ‘stored away’ – start bubbling up again. The way Daniël’s breathing

changes, the way he moves against him, tells him it’s exactly the same with his lover.

“Time for your snack Mr Gav...oops, excuse me.” The nurse carefully places the plate with

pieces of diced fruit and some yoghurt on the bedside table.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry. Please, we didn’t mean to...” Steve tries. A fear that he doesn’t quite

understand is tightening his chest.

Daniël seems to notice something is wrong, because instead of getting up at lightning speed, he

wraps his arm more tightly around Steve’s body in a gesture of protection, like he’s shielding him.

He’s totally focussed on his lover, all but ignoring the nurse.

“You’re not the first patient who needs a good cuddle, and I’m sure you won’t be the last. But

perhaps it’s best when either you or Mr Borghart give a word to one of us, so we can give you a bit of

privacy whenever you want to talk or something. We need to be able to do our work, of course, and we

appreciate common decency, but there’s nothing to be afraid of. The first of the nursing staff saying

anything bad about or to you for showing affection has some answering to do.” She smiles in

reassurance and is gone.

Daniël keeps close to Steve for a few more minutes before he gets off the bed again. “You’re

okay?”

Steve nods, while tasting the first piece of fruit his lover offers him with his fingers. Tinned

pineapple. Quite nice, actually, both the fruit and the way he gets to eat it.

“Is it okay if I take that shower now?” Daniël asks and fifteen minutes later, he sits nice and

clean next to Steve’s bed. “I bet you and Anthony had a lot to gossip about.”

Their hands find each other on instinct while they talk about the day. It’s all relaxed and calm,

almost like they’re sitting in their own living room, simply enjoying an hour of each other’s company

before it’s time to go to sleep.

Steve has no idea why he says what he says; he only knows he doesn’t stop himself. “Anthony

said something about pictures on the net. I heard it when I was half asleep. He sounded so angry. I

asked him what made him upset and he lied to me about it.”

Daniël weighs his words carefully; Steve sees it in his face. “I don’t want to lie about it, too,

even though I understand why he did. But I don’t want to talk about it right now. Please, wait until

tomorrow?”

Steve thinks he already might have an idea about what Daniël is going to say, about what he’s

going to see. Yes, it can wait until tomorrow.

Chapter 15

Tomorrow becomes another day and then another. Days full of hard work. Work outside the

walls of the room he’s been dying in, living in, for weeks, months on end. It’s not as scary as he had

feared it might be, sitting in the wheelchair and being wheeled through the corridors. He has been in

hospitals before. But behind this, there’s outside and for the first time since that night, outside

becomes more than a vague dream about the future. Outside also visits him in the form of a man who,

with practised ease, gets a camera in front of his face and snaps a few shots of Steve in his wheelchair

and Daniël walking next to him. The man doesn’t wait until he’s thrown out by security.

“I’m so sorry, Mr Gavan, Mr Borghart,” the nurse accompanying them says, visibly

embarrassed by what happened. “We’re trying so hard to keep those people out. I shall report this

immediately to the head of security.”

“At least you’re wearing that nice new dressing gown I gave you two days ago,” Daniël jokes,

although his eyes are flashing with anger. “But you’re okay?”

Steve shrugs. It’s unavoidable. This will be the first published photo of them as a couple. No

doubt with an article that’s a handful of speculation, based on a more than generous interpretation of

the truth. And faster than you can say ‘cheese’, scans of the article will be spread all over the internet.

So much for trying to live an unobtrusive life.

For a fleeting moment, he’s reminded of the pictures that made Anthony curse and Daniël look

so unhappy, then all of his concentration and energy is taken up by the daunting task of making his

body his own again.

He feels like a stranger to himself. All the things he did because he simply did them, because

his mum and nan had taught him to, because teachers and coaches told him so, because only months

ago he had still been wired to do so, have to be relearned. He knows about injuries and being ill and