could heat up these little containers in the microwave so that I wouldn’t starve myself. It’s the only thing I

used my apartment for, to heat up food and then go to sleep. The apartment was meticulously clean and I

never used the kitchen for cooking myself. I didn’t even make coffee for myself most mornings, but drank

the shitty coffee out of the machine at work. On Saturdays, when I wasn’t working, I vacuum-cleaned and

ironed my clothes. I never went on a date or even met with old friends.

Sometimes when I was really lonely I would watch ‘Heroes’ in bed before I went to sleep. I knew

David loved the show as well and we’d watched it together a couple of times; both pretending that Nathan

and Peter Petrelli wanted each other just as badly as David and I did. I tried to remember what it felt like

holding him when we watched TV together and then I would jerk-off before I could sleep.

Every Sunday I had dinner at home with my family. Christine would always be there too. We made a

big thing out of these family dinners, cooking together and setting the table with flowers. I felt relaxed and

at home during those Sundays.

Only when David was home occasionally, I was stressed again. Having him around for a week or so

reminded me of how much I missed him. I longed for him during those months that we didn’t see each

other, but when he was home I was my usual rude self again. Being unkind to him has always been my

easiest defense mechanism. He, in turn, was still pissed at me for leaving New York and not answering

his calls since I got back home. It was easy for us to fight.

David passed the bar exam as well that year and the whole family flew to New York to celebrate with

him. I think that for a moment my dad was proud of him too. During the summer David was home. I

expected him to start work on a PhD very soon, he had been offered a position at Columbia and it would

be foolish of him not to take it. On the first Sunday back at home I saw David and my dad walk into dad’s

office. Dad closed the door behind them. When they came out again for dinner an hour later my dad was

frowning. He didn’t say much over dinner and the atmosphere at the table seemed tense. I didn’t think

Juliette and Christine noticed, they were happily chatting away about a dress that Christine had seen in a

window somewhere. The twins were talking about battle strategies in some gruesome video game that

they were playing online. I knew that David was aware of the bad vibe at the table too because he

avoided looking at my dad and stared at his plate.

After dinner, when David was in Christine’s room talking about her new boyfriend, my dad called my

outside to talk. He looked over his shoulder to check if Juliette or the twins weren’t around.

“David has expressed his wish to come and work for the firm as well,” he said worried.

“What?!” I said, “He has to be joking!” My dad raised an eyebrow and sighed.

“That’s what I was thinking too, but he’s quite serious.”

“He can’t,” I said.

“I know you don’t like him a lot,” my dad said. I looked up at him, startled.

“You don’t have to pretend like I don’t know,” my dad said. “I know you try, but he’s just very different

from you.” He paused. “I feel the same reservations about him working for the firm. This is a very

difficult situation.” He sighed again. “It’s not something that we can resolve easily without offending

him.” He bit his lower lip. “He’s graduated among the top students of his year. There’s no reason not to

hire him.” I could see he had a single hive from the stress in his neck. “Juliette is going to be very upset if

I don’t hire him when he’s asked me so explicitly. She agreed to marry me under the condition that we

would treat each other’s children like our own. I adopted David because I knew it would make her happy.

You know that it makes her very sad that you and him don’t get along so well…If I would make it so very

clear that I prefer you over David, that could ruin our marriage.”

“I’ll talk him out of it,” I blurted out. “I was hoping you would say that,” my dad said relieved.

Late in the evening when everybody had gone to bed, I knocked on David’s door. I knew he would still

be awake. He never sleeps before midnight. He opened the door in his boxer shorts and the sight of his

body after all these months knocked my breath away for a second. He looked at me puzzled.

“You couldn’t sleep?” “No,” I said. I walked into his room and sat on his bed.

“I’ve got to talk to you.”

“What is it?”

“Dad told me you said you want to work for him.” He nodded and I could see that he wasn’t pleased

that dad had already told me.

“I think you’re making a mistake,” I said and I knew I sounded more harshly then I’d intended.

“Is that so?” David said cynically, “And why is that?”

“You don’t have to get so defensive,” I said and then I tried to soften my voice. “It’s just it isn’t like

you to work for a firm like dad’s firm.”

“How would you know where I’d like to work,” David said bitterly. “We haven’t really talked in

months.”

“I just thought you liked your legal aid work,” I said. “And you’ve been asked for that PhD position

too,” I tried. “Working for dad is nothing like that. We only do cases for hot shots with money.”

“We only do cases,” David spat out. “And with we you mean you and dad.”

“I meant the firm actually. But have it your way, yeah, dad and me,” I said.

“So you and dad both don’t think it’s in my best interest to work for the firm.” His voice sounded

dangerously upset.

“Dad has nothing to do with this,” I lied. “Dad told me you were among the top of your year and that it

would be crazy not to hire you. I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Because you don’t want to work with me,” he said. “Because you can’t stand to be around me,” he

continued. “That’s why you left New York wasn’t it?”

“I’m just trying to protect you from making a bad choice,” I hissed through my teeth, worrying that our

raised voiced would wake everybody in the house.

“Protect me?” David snarled. “You don’t give a fuck about me.” He walked closer. “You say you care

about me and then I don’t hear from you for months. Again.” He looked me straight in the eye. “What are

you afraid of? Of your own feelings or don’t you want me around dad because he might actually think I’m

any good for a change?”

“That ridiculous,” I said.

“We’ll see,” he said. “I’m fed up being so far way from my mom and my brothers and sister. I want to

be a part of this family too.”

I sighed. There was nothing more I could say. I would clearly only make things worse if I said anymore

now.

“Okay,” I just said. “Then I’ll see you at the office in a while.”

“You will,” he said and with that I left his room.

When I told my dad about our conversation the next morning he was disappointed but tried not to let it

show.

“I’ll just have to tell David then that he’s welcome to come work at the firm as well,” he said. “His

mother won’t have it any other way.”

David went back to New York to clean up his room, pack his stuff and a month later he started working

for my dad too. We were now not only brother but also colleagues. He found an apartment not to far from

mine although we never visited each other.

At work, he got an office down the hall from mine. It was smaller but the view was equally great.

He did try his best, not just with work, but also with trying to make everybody like him. I know that he

was still hurt that I’d said I didn’t think it was a good idea for us to be colleagues.