He wipes the tears away from his eyes with the back of his

hand. “Honey, I think the texting can be put on hold for a

moment.”

She shakes her head and she hits the last button. “I’m telling

Jackson to come home.”

“Why?” I ask warily.

“Because he’s part of this… this… this… I don’t even know

what this is.” Tears flow from her eyes and drip to her lap, staining her slacks. Her eyes are swollen, and if she keeps crying, she won’t

be able to see.

I glance up my dad. “She doesn’t need to cry, Dad… Help her

stop.”

He pats my arm in a comforting gesture. “She’s upset.” His

jaw tightens and he looks at me. I wonder what he sees. “And so

am I. No, I’m fucking pissed. This is such bullshit. All this time…

under our roof…” He starts muttering incoherently under his

breath, the veins in his neck bulging. He paces the floor and I

stand there in front of the couch and watch the madness unfold

like a building getting knocked down.

Finally, my mom gets up and crosses the room, heading for

the doorway with a determined look on her face. “That’s it…”

“Where are you going?” I chase after her. “Mom?”

She dabs her eyes with the bottom of her sweater. “I need to

do something… I need to fix this somehow… I just need a minute.”

Shaking my head, I position myself in front of her with my

hands out to the side. “You can’t fix it, Mom. It happened. There’s

nothing you can do about, except for be my mom right now.”

She analyzes my face for a moment and then returns to

crying again, throwing her arms around me. It’s been forever since

I let her hug me and I stand awkwardly, telling her it will be okay.

When her eyes dry, she backs up into the chair, with her face in her

hands and her shoulders hunched. The denial and the crying goes

on well into the late hours of the night. My dad starts yelling again, going on and on about how Caleb’s not going to get away with

this. There’s no conclusion at the end of the crying and ranting.

Caleb still raped me and six years have gone by while he walked

around getting away with it. There’s nothing that will change that,

not even from saying it out loud. But it changes me, alters my life

in an irreversible way. It shatters the chains around my wrists and

finally I’m free.

Jackson never does come home and I’m not sure what that

means. I eventually get up from the couch to leave the house,

despite my mother’s protests. She wants me to stay there and let

her cry over me while she figures everything out. She’s so

determined that she can erase it somehow, but I’m not naïve

enough to believe that’s possible. Besides, I’ve got somewhere else

I need to be—want to be. Someplace where I can be happy.

“Wait, Callie, please don’t go,” she begs, getting up from the

couch to follow me to the kitchen. “We can stay here and talk

about it some more.”

I shake my head as I walk for the door. “Mom, as much as I

know how you need to try and work through this, I’ve already

found a way to cope and I kind of need it right now.” I more than

need it actually. I have to be with him.

She keeps shaking her head and my dad gives me the keys

to the truck so I don’t have to walk and then tells me he’s still

going to call the police, just so they know. His eyes are red and

puffy and his lips are chapped. I tell him okay, because that’s what

he needs to hear at the moment. As I step out the door, I wonder

what will happen, if Caleb ever shows up again, if he was with

Jackson when my mother told him.

Once the door is shut behind me and I’m by myself, I spread

my hands to my side as I stand on the top of the porch,

underneath the light. The sky is clear, the stars twinkling against

the black backdrop. What will happen with my life? I don’t know.

But I’m eager to find out because for once I’m looking into my

future, not my past, and I smile at the endless possibilities.

Chapter 18

#65 Watch fireworks with someone you love

Kayden

“I still really wish I could have been there with you,” I say. It’s

been a couple of days since she told her parents and she seems

okay, stronger, more confident. But even though I’m glad she did

it, I wish I could have been with her, to support her, comfort her,

do whatever she needed.

We’re sitting outside on the hood of her father’s truck that’s

parked near the lake. There’s a New Year’s Eve party going on a

ways down and I can see the bonfire through the trees. The stars

are out and the sky is a little hazy but the moon shines full. It’s way below zero, and the trucks hood is glazed with snow, but we have

a blanket draped over us and the warmth of our bodies to keep us

warm. “I wanted to be there for you.”

“But I had to do it alone,” she says, staring at the sky.

“Besides, it’s over now and I’m ready to move on.”

When I’d woken up in the hotel room by myself, I’d nearly

panicked and the feeling multiplied when I read her note. She’d

gone to tell her parents what happened by herself. The idea of

Callie standing there telling them alone crushed me. I wanted to

be there with her, help her, comfort her, but in a way, I guess I

understood why she did it alone. I think Seth’s always been right.

She’s a lot stronger than she looks.

“How do you feel?” I ask her, wrapping my arms firmly

around her waist while she presses her cheek against my chest. I

get a whiff of her hair, strawberries and something else that’s only

Callie.

She considers my question in silence. “Weightless.”

I smile. “Me too.” I had my Monday appointment with Doug

yesterday and I feel even lighter than after our meeting at the café.

I wonder how much lighter I’ll feel down the road after more

therapy.

“There’s still so much stuff to deal with, though,” she adds,

turning her head so she can look up at me. “And I worry what

Caleb will do when he finds out I told.”

My muscles vine into blistering knots. “He’ll never hurt you. I

won’t let him.”

“I know you won’t,” she says, surprising me by how much she

trusts me. She nuzzles her face against my shoulder and her warm

breath seeps through my coat. “I think… I think we should try and

find your brother.”

“Dylan?” I tilt my chin down to look at her. “Why?”

She angles her face up and her lips are close enough for me

to kiss and the feel of her breath is comforting. “Because, I think

it’ll help you with your father… when you decide to press charges.”