I try to contain my breathing as I think about actually going

through with it. What if he gets mad? What if nothing happens and

he hunts me down and hurts me? What if he kills me? The idea of

death isn’t very settling anymore, which confounds me. “I’m not

sure if I can.”

She inhales and a sigh escapes her lips as she releases a

breath. “Yes, you can… I know you can.”

I’m uncertain if she should be so confident about my

confidence. “And what if I don’t? Will you…” I trail off, clenching my hands and then flexing my fingers, and then I shake out my hand.

“Will you still love me?”

She lowers her head back onto my chest and rotates onto

her back. “I’ll always love you.”

I breathe in the sound of the words and her voice and I have

to stop the tears that appear from the overpowering feeling it

sends through my body. I wish I could say it back to her. I even get

my lips to part, but no sound will come out. “I want to say it,” I say quietly.

She shakes her head. “Don’t. Only say it when you really

mean it.” She slides her hand down my chest and interlaces our

fingers on top of my stomach.

We breathe through the chilled air, underneath the stars,

listening to the sounds of laughter and music from the party.

Minutes later, the sky lights up with an explosion of colors. Every

year, this town puts on a huge firework show over the lake. When I

was a kid, I used to watch it, wondering what the hell the big deal

was. Fire in the sky. Okay. I didn’t get it. But now, lying here with her in my arms, it’s starting to make sense. Freedom. Things are

starting to make sense.

“Happy New Year,” I whisper to the air as sparks rain down

on the lake.

Callie

I’m having a moment. I’ve been having a lot of them lately.

The kind where everything connects: pieces puzzling together,

stars shining in sync, hearts beating rhythmically. Everything is

perfect and although I in no way believe that it will last, I’m going to cherish the moment forever.

“Happy New Year,” Kayden whispers underneath his breath

as fireworks boom and drift to the water in front of us.

“Happy New Year,” I reply, even though I am pretty sure he’s

just thinking aloud. I prop my chin up on his chest as fireworks

boom. “What’s your New Year’s resolution?”

He makes an outline around my lips as he contemplates my

question. One of his lean arms is tucked behind his head and his

hand is in mine. “To not think about the past.”

“That’s a great one,” I say with a smile. “Can I make it mine

too?”

A grin forms on his lips and he shifts his arm, moving his

hand out from behind his head. He holds out a fist in front of him.

“Pound on it.”

I contain a giggle as I remove my hand from his and move to

bump fists, but he pulls his hand back at the very last second and I

frown. “What’s wrong?”

He bites on his lip as he sits up and my head slides to his lap.

His eyes mirror the colorful fireworks as he lifts me up off his chest and then pushes on my shoulder until I’m lying on my back,

against the windshield. The frost nips against a spot of my skin on

my lower back where my shirt has ridden up but I don’t move as

he leans over me, propping an arm on each side of me. Lowering

his mouth toward mine, I wait in anticipation for him to kiss me,

but right as he’s there, right as our lips are about to make contact, he pauses.

“This is nice, right?” he asks and I nod, resisting the urge to

grab the collar of his shirt and jerk him down to me. “We should

make it a tradition for next year.”

My stomach flutters with a thousand enthusiastic butterflies

as I think about being with him for an entire year. “Okay.” I cross

my ankles over each other, trying to contain the nervous energy

created by the flush of our bodies.

“So we’re on for next year?” he checks, and I nod without any

contemplation. I know what I want and I’m not afraid to say it. No

more living in fear.

“Good,” he says and then leans in to kiss me, whispering,

“Thank you for saving me.”

“Thank you for saving me too,” I say, and seconds later his

lips engulf mine.

The fireworks explode and boom above our heads, vivid and

colorful against the dark sky, but I think about nothing but him.

Chapter 19

#11 Say good-bye and move on

Callie

The next two weeks are pretty uneventful. Between the road

trip, the recovery, and the confessions, Kayden and I are drained

and we spend the rest of our winter break avoiding our houses,

and hanging out in the hotel room, diner, or café as much as

possible. Seth and Luke hang out with us a lot too. It’s been

snowing quite a bit, but the air feels warm. My mom calls me every

morning and every night. At first I wouldn’t tell her where I was

staying, because I didn’t want her tracking me down, but then I

finally fessed up that I was staying with Kayden and Seth in a hotel

room.

She isn’t very happy about this, but I’m almost nineteen

years old, which is what I tell her.

“Callie Lawrence,” she says after I finally tell her. I’m sitting on

the hotel room’s bed in shorts and a T-shirt and Kayden is lying

behind me, making shapes on my lower back with his fingers.

Every once and a while, he hits a ticklish spot and I giggle.

“This isn’t funny,” my mom says, sounding irate.

I cover my mouth with my hand to stifle the uncontrollable

laughter. Once I settle down, I lower my hand to my lap. “I know,

Mom.”

“You need to come home… We need to talk about what

happened.” She sighs. “Callie, the police said they can’t do

anything about it and even if they could Caleb… he… No one

knows where he is still. Jackson thinks he might have taken off.”

“I already knew the police couldn’t do anything,” I tell her,

lying down on the bed beside Kayden. He has his boxers on with

no shirt and when he snuggles against me the warmth and

sturdiness of his chest soothes me. “And I’m not surprised about

Caleb.”

“But…” She’s frustrated and I hear something crash to the

ground. “Shit,” she curses—she’s been cursing a lot lately. “I broke

a damn cup.”

“I’m sorry,” I say, arching my back as Kayden draws hearts on

my spine, his hand drifting up my shirt to the area between my

shoulder blades.

“You don’t need to be sorry, sweetie,” she says and then

sighs. “It’s just a cup.”