inevitable?” He pauses, staring at the fence and the sharp barbed
wire. Then finally he cranks the wheel to the side and flips a U-turn, the tires spinning as he floors the pedal and drives down the road.
I’m not sure what to do with what he said or if there’s
anything to do, but I have to wonder if I’ll end up just like my dad, just like he ended up like his. I wonder if Dylan thinks the same
thing. I wonder if he prefers physical pain over feeling emotions. I
wonder if my dad does. I wonder a lot of things at the moment
and it starts to pile up on my chest. Everything I’ve worked so hard
to get rid of over the last few months is returning, the silent storm stirring.
But then I wonder if my dad could have changed his life,
knowing the outcome. He could have made himself feel things and
be a better person, just like I can. I don’t know why I choose that
moment to do it. It’s probably a little fucked up and twisted, but
the need to get it out of me is more overpowering than anything
else. Instead of reaching for a sharp object, I reach for my phone. I dial Callie’s number and when I hear her voice the storm in my
chest calms.
“Are you having fun?” she asks with hope in her tone,
wanting me to be happy.
I take a deep breath and say it with all the emotion I have in
me. “I love you.”
She’s quiet for a moment and I can hear her breathing, in
and out. “I love you too.”
For a moment, everything makes sense in the world. For a
moment, the darkness in my life lights up. For a moment,
everything is perfect and still.
Callie
I have a silly grin on my face when I return back to the
benches. I just got off the phone with Kayden and he told me he
loved me. I wasn’t too sure about him going out alone to Virginia. I
was worried about him meeting another family member who
would let him down and hurt him. But it has to be going well.
Because he said he loves me. Loves me. I’m practically skipping.
Greyson, Seth, Luke, and I are at a basketball game. The
crowd is really loud, and whistling and shouting fill up the stadium, along with the sounds of sneakers scuffing along the court. The air
smells like peanuts, popcorn, and sweat.
“Where are Greyson and Luke?” I ask when I sit down in my
seat next to Seth.
Seth points down at the bottom of our section where Luke
and Greyson are standing near the railing, chatting about
something. Greyson keeps waving his arms animatedly and Luke
keeps shaking his head in disagreement.
Seth’s brown eyes scan my face as he reaches into his
popcorn bucket. “What’s with the silly grin, my darling Callie?”
My smile grows as I grab a handful of popcorn. “Kayden just
told me he loves me.”
He almost throws the popcorn bucket onto the floor as he
reaches to wrap his arms around me. “I’m so happy for you,” he
says, hugging me.
I embrace him back, laughing as we squish the popcorn
bucket between our bodies. “I’m really happy for me too.”
He pulls away with a grin on his face as he sweeps the spilled
popcorn off his lap. “I know you are, which is good. I really didn’t
want to kick Kayden’s ass.”
I laugh softly at the idea of it. “I’m sure Kayden’s grateful
too.”
A large man behind us starts yelling at Luke and Greyson to
“sit the fuck down!”
“Shut the hell up,” Seth chimes in, giving him a dirty look
over his shoulder as Luke flips him the middle finger.
I hold my breath until the tension clears and then Luke and
Greyson start talking again. Luke’s been hanging out with the three
of us for the last few days and always seems comfortable, never
out of place.
“Sometimes… I wonder if Luke…” I lean in to Seth and lower
my voice. “If Luke… likes… guys.”
Seth sits there for a moment, crunching on popcorn as he
chews noisily. Then he starts laughing so loudly it nearly drowns
out the crowd. Then he stops and says in a low voice, “Luke’s not
gay, Callie.”
“Are you sure? Maybe he’s just afraid to come out, like
Braiden was.”
“Yeah, I’m sure.” Seth’s shoulders slump with his sigh and he
shakes his head. “You want to know what I think?”
I nod and grab a handful of popcorn. “Yes, please share your
all-knowing thoughts.”
He offers me a smile as he leans into me and whispers, “I
think that Luke’s been through something that makes him more
understanding and accepting than the average person. And I think
that sometimes people misinterpret understanding and
acceptance and make it into something that it isn’t.”
He’s completely right and I feel terrible. “You’re right and I’m
sorry. I should never try to guess things about people.”
“You don’t need to apologize,” he says, jabbing me playfully
in the side with his elbow. “Besides, you’re one of those people.”
“What? Understanding and accepting?” I shove a handful of
popcorn into my mouth.
His smile lights up his whole face. “The kind of person who
can see things in a different light, who’s been to hell and back. The kind who has had and gave redemption.”
I return his smile with equal happiness as the crowd goes
wild around us, shouting and clapping and jumping up from their
seats over a three-pointer. Seth starts clapping and I move my
hands together, but then my phone rings from inside my pocket.
“Cumbersome,” by Seven Mary Three.
“It’s my brother!” I shout over the noise of the crowd as I get
to my feet. “I’ll be right back. He’s been trying to call me all night.”
I hurry down the stairs, making sure to move to the other
side when a group of guys comes walking up. Even through all of
the recovery, crowds and unfamiliar guys make me nervous. But
the important part is I’m here and not hiding.
I quickly answer it as enter the food area and the screaming
of the crowd fades out. “Hey,” I say.
“Hey.” He doesn’t sound happy, but he usually doesn’t. I’ve
actually noticed that my brother has a very grumpy tone, but that
it’s just him and shouldn’t be taken personally.
“Sorry I didn’t pick up earlier.” I head to one of the empty
metal tables in the middle of the room, sink down on a bench, and
rest my arm on top of the table. “I’m at a game and it’s loud.”
“It’s all right.” He gets quiet and then he sighs. “Callie, I don’t
know how to tell you this—and mom thinks I shouldn’t—but