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“Later. After the election. Meanwhile I must get that uniform. “ By the time I had stripped off the beard yet another time-it was getting a bit ratty after this treatment-and pulled on the knee breeches and other servile clothing, the tourists had arrived. I could hear them chattering like demented squirrels as I slipped into the ranks of the servants. The staff had been told of the plan-and they all proved to be exceedingly well-trained. Not one eye turned in my direction as we plodded in silence after the bare-kneed, loudly dressed, camerabearing tourist brigade.

“... trebonegan eksemplon de la pentroj de la ekskrementepoko de pasinta jarcento...” the guide rattled on, pointing out the badly painted and worse hung portraits that littered the walls. The tourists looked at the paintings and I looked at them, closing in on my kill. Most of the ofiworlders came in octogenarian pairs and these I ignored. There were some single women trudging along but I passed these by as well, not being up to an instant sex change. Then I spotted my prey. Alone, male, almost my size, wearing purple shorts, a gold lace shirt, and a bored scowl. He had a camera around his neck and a straw bag on his arm bearing the printed message I BEEN TO PUERTO AZUL AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS CRUMMY BAG. He would do-oh yes he would! I walked close behind him and when the crowd turned to look at yet one more bad painting I tapped him lightly on the shoulder. He wheeled about, scowl deepening. I bent to whisper in his ear.

“Please don’t tell the others, but there is a free bottle of ron for you. Gift of the duke. One per tourist party. You are the chosen one today. Please follow me.” And he did. Being very careful that the others did not notice him go. Oh, avarice, what crimes are committed in thy name.

“In here, sir.” I opened the study door, and there was the butler holding a silver tray complete with rum bottle. The tourist yakked enthusiastically and extended his arm. I hit it with a slaphypo, then closed the door as he crumpled to the carpet. The duke looked on happily, no doubt seeing this minor triumph as the harbinger of a better age. Who knows, perhaps it was.

I mixed with the crowd, unnoticed in the rush for seats on the bus. A bored policeman counted heads as we streamed from the castle, made a check mark in his book and signaled the driver. The bus doors closed, the air conditioner came on at the same time as the canned music, and we rolled down the road.

The woman in the seat next to me glared at me suspiciously. “I ain’t never seen you before,” she said.

Chapter 18

Had I been discovered already? If I silenced her the unconscious body would surely draw attention to me. What could I do? While all these consideiations rushed around in my skull I fought a little rearguard action to gain some time.

“Well I ain’t never seen you before either!” was my snappy rejoinder.

“Now ain’t that something,” she simpered, and I realized that what I had thought was suspicion was really passionand that I was in the process of being picked up. “My name’s Joyella and I come from Phigerinadon II...” The sentence ended in an interogative silence and I seized the clue.

“Isn’t that a coincidence. My name is Wurble and I come from Blodgett.” “What’s a coincidence about that?” “Both planets are in the same galaxy.” She greeted this limp sally with a whinny of delight and I knew that I had made a friend. Joyella’s only problem was that she was getting a little long in the tooth and was lonely. A bit of understanding on my part went a long way and I nodded and tssked through the rest of the journey, as I heard all about life in the accounting department of Lushflush, the robot lavatory attendant factory where she worked. It was late afternoon when we rolled back into the tourist haven of Puerto Azul. Since leaving the duke it had been an alcoholfree day so we nipped into the bar for a couple of tall cold ones. We had had a good day and I slipped out of Joyella’s life, ignoring the tremble of her lower lip, before things got too complicated. I shouldered my repellent tourist bag, now well Blled with my own equipment, waved goodby, and vanished into the twilight. Next step; getting out of this place. Jorge would know a way.

Except that Jorge appeared to be in a little trouble himself.

100 I suspected this when I saw the black car drawn up before the doorway of his apartment building. The man slumped behind the wheel wore dark glasses. There were lots of other tenants in the apartment building, it could be any one of them. Then why were the hairs on the nape of my neck trying to rise up out of my shirt collar? My hunches had been right too often in the past to ignore one this time. It would not hurt to take a few precautions. I palmed a slaphypo as I took a map out of my bag. I strolled over to the car and leaned in the window.

“Excuse me old buddy, but I’m looking for this here place. I hear they got good booze and really nifty girls there...” “No parolas, me, Esperanto...” “Can’t understand a word, old buddy. But just look at the map. “ I opened it under his nose and he pushed it away-then slumped in slumber as the needle went home. I leaned his head back in the corner as though he were resting. With my flank secured I turned to the apartment building. Just as two of the Ultimados emerged dragging a much-battered Jorge between them. I stepped forward and halted in front of them. “Say, that man looks sick!” I said.

“Out of the way, fool,” the big one said, reaching out to push me aside.

“You’re attacking a helpless tourist!” I shouted, chopping him hard on the side of the neck, then stepping back so his unconscious body could hit the pavement with a satisfactory thud.

The other Ultimado was trying to pull his gun, but Jorge was making this difficult by hanging onto his arm. I settled this little difficulty by chopping the nerve in the man’s arm so the gun dropped from his limp fingers. Since this must have hurt I had mercy and rendered him unconscious with a quick uppercut.

“I am very happy to see you,” Jorge said, trying not to sway too much. He reached into his bloodied mouth and pulled out a tooth, which he stared at gloomily before throwing it away. Then he kicked the unconscious thug hard in the ribs. “Let’s get out of here,” I said. “We’ll take the car.” “Where are we going?” “You tell me.” I opened the rear door of the police car and stuffed the two unconscious men onto the floor. “Get in with thc~mm “ T nri}f*rf*f\ Fin u~ htWM hiinkine ranirllv and did nnf” really seem to be with it. I closed the door behind him, pushed the dozing driver over, then accelerated away. “Any particular direction we should go?” There was only silence from the rear seat. I looked back to see that Jorge was just as unconscious as the others. They must have given him quite a going over.

“Which leaves everything up to you, James. Again,” I told myself, which observation didn’t do much good. I was tired and depressed and had been running from the police for far too long now. There was no point in bringing this crew back into town, so I turned onto the coast highway and rolled along in the gathering dusk. Before it got too dark I pulled off onto the shoulder, then bound and gagged the Ultimados with their own clothing. A few cars whirred by, but none of them stopped. I was dragging the last body into the shrubbery when Jorge stirred and groaned. I rooted around in the bag until I found the medkit which I set for a combination stimulant and pain-killer. I gave him a shot, and it looked so good I gave myself one too.

“Do you feel any better?” I asked as he sat up and stretched. “I do. I must thank you, for everything.” “Do you have any idea of what we should do next to get out of here?” He looked around. “Where is here?” “Coast road. A few Ks south of Puerto Azul.” “Can you fly a jet copter?” “I can fly anything. Why do you ask-do you have one in your pocket?” “No, but there is a small private airfield a short distance down the coast. There are craft of all sizes there. Of course it is guarded and there are alarms...” My snort was not one of anger, but rather more like that of a warhorse about to go into battle. My fatigue was gone, I was flying from the uppers, and looking forward to one last quick round of breaking and entering and mugging before taking off for home. It had really been a busy couple of days.