Then I staggered to the sofa, half stupefied. In a few minutes came to, my hands still sticky, and I lay feeling my fingers with eyes closed, and thinking of the voluptuous delights. There was movement, sighs, a sob of pleasure. Opening my eyes, there was Sappho on the top of Raffaella again. — They were cunt rubbing hard, sucking each other's tongues, backsides agitating, they moaned, kissed, sobbed, then shrieked, their thighs and buttocks moved so fast together, that the spring mattress heaved them up, they were almost glued together. Then all was silent.
Sappho rolled off her backside towards the looking glass. Raffaella's cunt had every hair of it soddened, Sappho's was the same — I opened Raff's thighs, she still panting. Sappho opened her eyes. — “Have we done well, vieux cochon.”
Sappho's head dress which she had begged me at first to take care of during our frolics was now in dis- order, gold sequins had tumbled off. Raffaella's hair lay loose about her neck. — Both mechanically put a hand under their cunts as they got off the bed. Both took up the champagne bottle. — It was empty — I'll order another. — “My God! if I have more, there will be a row” — said Raff. — “Never mind I have you both for the night.” — “Are you going to stay? — do — sleep between us naked.”
I was done up — my long journey — the heat, excitement, and spends had finished me; had a violent pain in my head, my eye sight seemed to be going — it was exhaustion. — But I could not bear to leave the naked women, sat feeling my prick without desire, yet in a state of baudy pleasure looking at them. — Sappho went out to wash and came back. — “Let's see your cunt again Raffaella before you wash.” — “Look at him feeling his old prick.” — Saying that she put one of her feet upon my knees, and pulled open her cunt lips. — “Tchec,” said she with her tongue. — “Is not he a baudy one?”
Both then sucked my cock, and got it stiff again — but throbbings in my temple warned me, just as I was about to put my prick into the thicket of Raff, so I left. Ten years ago, I would have fucked each of them twice.
I am paying penalty to day. Writing this, whilst fresh in my memory, how unfit I feel, and almost hate cunt. [Next day I left the city.]
Chapter XIII
H*l*n again. • Financial arrangements. • Mutual erotic tastes. • Hers for gamahuche. • Her sexual strength. • Baudy books in bed. • Varied amorosities there. My smooth skin. • Animalism cum ideal-ism. • Needless repetitions in this narrative. • On a metropolitan railway. • Female costermonger in wrong class. • A stern guard. • My aid and recompense. • At the terminus. • In the half formed road. • Against a wooden fence. • The voice in the dark. • Rapid flight. • Voluptuous sensations in a lusting quim. • White stockings in a fog. • “Ain't you got cheek.” • Favours in the mews. • Fucking con amore solamente. • We separate as strangers.
Returning to England, H*l*n M. seemed much pleased to see me. After visiting her a few times, she agreed to accept what I could afford, and I became a regular friend tho I did not see her frequently. — What with presents, and years after assistance when she was in difficulties, the cost of her charms increased rather than diminished, but I was content and saw her when-ever the troubles of life made me miserable, and then her intense beauty, and most exquisite sexual inter-course relieved me. By degrees it was that we got to confidences. She left gay life two years after, and gradually each understanding the erotic tastes of the other, our sensuous temperaments being similar, we gave way to all our devices, and she did with me and others, and saw done with me and others, acts which when regularly gay — she had never seen or done. — The incidents as written would have disclosed this gradually, but this preface is now necessary, so much manuscript having to be burnt.
As said, — since my lingual amusements on Miss E*w***s pudenda — gamahuching had become a greater pleasure to me. — Formerly at the sight of a lovely woman, my first thought was of her cunt, and my first desire to fuck her; now quite as frequently, my first desire is to give her cuntal pleasure with my tongue, — what the special attraction in a woman is, which makes me desire to gamahuche instead of fuck her, I can't say, have often tried to solve that problem without success, but certain it is, that this gamahuching is not generated in me by every woman.
This letch was roused in my be H, the first time I had her. On subsequent visits she refused it, and anxious to please her, satisfied by the exquisite pleasure she gave me, I contented myself with fucking her only. But as she learnt a little of my secret life and told me hers, gradually disclosed her erotic tastes and letches which all gay ladies have — for lust increases with the knowledge of what lust can do — I found she liked it. Towards the end of this year, one afternoon being in bed together and I ready to mount her, she said looking at me voluptuously, “Put your little head down first.” — For the moment I didn't understand, but in a minute my tongue was on her clitoris, she spent under its delicate irritation, and I was delighted. Subsequently we nearly always commenced our active pleasures with lingual play, and I found out in time her extreme sexual force. She could spend two or three times under the gamahuche, and then enjoy my prick three times, as well as if she'd had no spend before. — Generally she did all this amorous work without a sign of fatigue. I never knew a woman of such sexual strength.
We used at times to lay in bed reading baudy books. Then I would gamahuche her, and she liked the lingual exercise continued almost directly after her spend. A few minutes' repose only and I'd fuck her, then we'd go on reading. Sometimes she'd read until suddenly she'd frig herself, laying back, grasping my prick hard with one hand, even hurting it sometimes, with eyes closed, more frequently looking me full in the face eyes wide open, with a wonderful voluptuous expression, till her breath shortened, her lovely thighs and belly quivered, then her eye lids drooped till her body was quite tranquil. — Then with the remark, — “We are beasts,” — our reading was resumed. So we went on for hours, fucking, gamahuching, and she frigging herself at intervals — both drinking champagne from time to time — for I always at last took that exhilarating, kidney stimulating liquor to her. H*l*n was made for fucking.
The feminine softness of my skin was always ad-mired by gay women, whose lust often times seemed stimulated by feeling it. Many a one has desired a second poke on account of its nice feel. Now in my maturer years it has the same effect on women, which I should not have expected. The narratives of several incidents shewing this have been destroyed, but enough preserved to prove it. H*l*n by feeling it, found it increased her liking for me — mere lust that perhaps — but what voluptuousness is added to fucking, when a man and woman like feeling each other's bodies. If only mere animalism this, why speak slightingly about that, why not accept it philosophically. Our brains work with our bodies sympathetically in the physical junction of cock and cunt, and for the time the couple love each other, love till the ecstatic crisis is over. Man and woman can both intensify their physical pleasure by thought, can fancy any one or anything, when fucking. — When the carnal exercise is finished, the libation given — all is over.
As I read this later manuscript now, I come upon opinions and scraps of conversation on sexual matters, which altho apropos of the event, seem to me to have been said before on many similar occasions, on exactly the same subjects. — If so it is needless repetition, but it's now impossible to refer back — Better perhaps repetition than total omission.