[In one or two Negresses since had, I have seen some resemblance, but they had longer and much more hair on their cunts, than this woman.]

I asked her for a comb, and when she had fetched one, I combed, with the finely toothed part, the hair on her mons. Immediately it had passed thro the comb, it curled up and laid flat as before. The Negress laughed her funny laugh, loud and long — never had a man combed it before, she said. When she fetched the comb she thought I wanted it for my own hair.

Then I put her on the side of the bed, and stood holding her thighs. My prick was not stiff, but with some difficulty I made it so. — She wanted to suck it up, but I would not let her. At length it was up her, and I began the to and fro movement, looking at her handsome breasts as she lay now naked. — But not much fancying her, my prick began shrinking. To stimulate it I relinquished holding one of her legs, which she herself then kept well up in the air without my assistance, and with my free fingers distended her cunt lips at the top, and watched my prick moving in and out of her dark orifice. All was useless, a nervous feeling that I could not fuck her came over me and out my prick came as big only as a walnut. It is always so directly I have such a fear.

It was useless rubbing it against her curly wigged slit. Nothing stiffened it. Saying I was fatigued, I laid on the bed by the side of her. She, cleverer, and I imagine in thinking over the affair, not unaccustomed to such masculine failures, said I had over excited my-self, should be all right soon, and so on, and fondling my cock, and lending herself to all my fanciful investigations with my fingers and eyes. In about ten minutes (I suppose) I was stiff again — “Now,” said she gaily, and anticipating what I would do, put herself quickly in the same position as before, on the bed side.

Up went my prick again, stiffer now. Shove, shove, shove. A slight thrill of pleasure beginning at my prick tip, running to my bum hole, and from those two centres of lust, right thro my body, passed through me — “A — her — ha — ha — ha,” — sighed she, jerking her buttocks, as if about to die with sexual delight, and sob out her life under my thrusts.

But as she sighed, her eye balls turned up, the pupils were nearly hidden by the lids, and I saw that the balls looked quite yellow, instead of white. At once all lust left me, the nascent pleasure in my prick stopped short, quickly as the blood could leave the veins, my prick shrunk, and shrunk, till out of her cunt it came. I had not the power, or the wish, to move or thrust, or to try to keep it up her. Her yellow eye balls had annihilated desire in me, lust had fled — “I can't kiss you,” I said, and sat down on a chair feeling my prick, and looking at her naked body with her legs dangling down.

Jumping up “Mais oui, you can, you must — lay down, I will make it stiff again,” yielding I laid on the bed, wishing to have a black woman much, and ashamed of my impotency, feeling for the minute that fucking a black was almost as unnatural as fucking a monkey, yet with a strong will to do it, tho without the sexual desire to do it — What was the cause of my prick slinking so I wondered.

Without a word, without a request from me, for I had never thought about it, she pulled off her white stockings, mounted the bed, and naked, laid herself on the top of me. Then as if thinking of it, got up and pulled off my socks (I had only my shirt and socks on) and replaced herself on the top of me — “Regardez — look up,” said she.

I did, saw in the top glass my white flesh legs between hers, my prick just showing beneath her black buttocks. “Put your legs outside mine,” obeying her as mistress in the craft of salacity, I did. Then I went back to the former position, then I mounted her. Then she laid by the side of me, pulled up my shirt to my neck almost, and placed her body and legs on mine in various ways. At each change of pose she said, “Look at the dark and white, together, oh, the white men are nice.” — “Do you like white men!” — “Yes, I love the white man,” she cried, and so we moved about. I got excited by the contrast of the colors, and my lust came on.

But my prick didn't stiffen, spite of the sight, and her fondling it. Off the bed she got, with a wet towel wiped my prick top, carefully wiped her own cunt, threw the towel on the floor, and mounting, straddled across me, and bending down, took my prick in her mouth. Her buttocks and cunt being within a few inches of my face. The play of her tongue on the gland, the feel of her smooth black bum, the sight of the cunt (tho I did not admire it, still it was a cunt), stiffened me. Impatient to consummate, and fearing limpness again, I turned her on to her back, laid on her, and fucked. I did not look at her face for fear of seeing the yellow eye balls, and after a while, fucking far longer than usual, my pleasure came on and I spent on her.

She retired and came back with purified genitals. Curiously and dispassionately, I looked her over from head to foot, from bum hole to navel, bestowing most of my attention on her cunt, its intensely curly hair, and the funny little clitoris like a nut. The inspection gave me no desire to have her again, and after a conversation about black men's cocks, which I had heard were very long and big, and which interested me immensely, I left.

Tho I thought over her much, and was interested in what she told me about Negresses and Negroes it left me with no desire to have her again, nor did I. Since then I have had desire for another black woman, but have not gratified it. [I since have.]

Then I sped towards the centre of the continent, till a special messenger overtook me and brought me news. — I had missed letters at the poste restante. — Death had done its work. Hurrah! I was free at last. I travelled home night and day, hurriedly arranged affairs, gave carte blanche to solicitors, and agents, and with lighter heart than I had had for years, went abroad again.

Chapter X

My social conditions. • Dainty whoremongering. • Difficulties in selection of women. • Eccentric fucking attitudes. • Writing my narrative. • The uniformity of fucking. • A peep over folding doors. • Amorous Americans. • The swain's lecture. • An obstructive table. • The lady's legs. • The swain's prick. • An inquisitive look. • I hear but see not. • Sobs and tears. • Momentary nudity. • Next day's repetition. • Conjectures. • A semi-eastern harem. • Beautiful courtezans. • A beauty selected. • “I've no hair there.” • Other beautifuls. • A noisy neighbour. • Male inspection of male erection. • England again. • Many expensive mercenaries.

Under changed social conditions I now travelled, I was free from care, had plenty of money (tho getting rid of it fast), and altogether it was a happy time. I raced about Europe for two or three months, and had constant change of scene. When I got to a town, I sought the best brothels, and with my physique in first rate condition, revelled in female charms. After perhaps a week abstinence, that time spent in comfortable travel, how instantaneous my selection of the woman, with what burning lust I clutched my woman when I got her, how rapid my thrusts, how maddening in its ecstasy, as my prick throbbed, and the hot thick sperm gushed up her cunt copiously as ever. Indeed, some-times I think more copiously than it ever did, but that is improbable.

Yet I gratified my sense of beauty largely. Some-times when I had fucked a woman, chosen in hot haste, I could scarcely tell why, I again had the women of the house exhibited to me, and selected another for the second libation of my prick. More frequently tho, the first one had my second emission. Then cooled, I left; and waited till the next day, before I had further sexual enjoyment.

Then I had at times woman after woman to look at, dressed, half-dressed, or naked to my eyes, so that I might judge fully of their charms before selecting one for my sexual homage. Then I began to have two at a time, and sometimes three even, in the chamber with me. There, at my leisure, and without observation but that of my Paphian divinities, I could place them in every attitude, and see every perfection, before I chose the one to fuck. I had modes of payment of my own, would give half fees to those whose cunts I had only looked at or felt, and full fee to her whom I spermatized, and so on. At some places they would not agree to this, at some they would.