I began chaffing her. “You've made my cock stiff.” “Oh fie.” — “Look at it,” and out it came. “Oh fie. — I'll tell my husband.” “Married?” “Yes,” — her husband was a potman at a public close by, and not good for much. — “He fucks you?” “Yes he does it at times.” “Don't tell Mrs. H****s you've seen my prick.” “Oh lud no. I shouldn't be here long if I did — now don't you wait, it's no good — I wouldn't if I were you — you'd better not. We are going to see our mother my dear. Don't you see we've got new bonnets to go in?” all said in a jocular manner, “We've had enough of it for the present — we'll have a rest.” — “Ah,” said I, “she's got a lover she is going away with.” “Perhaps she has, perhaps she ain't.” “She won't go without some one to fuck her.” “She's had enough of fucking,” said the little maid. “Now what are you waiting for — it's no good, she won't see you if she comes in.”

This went on for an hour or so — I thought the little woman was light headed, or half screwed, and tired of waiting, left at last. — “Don't call again it's no use,” were her parting words, but I did at about nine that night. — “She's not in,” said the maid, but I pushed her aside and rushed up stairs into the bedroom, and there was N*ll*e. — She was angry — she was engaged. She would see me tomorrow. But the next morning I was off to L*v**p**I. — Then she was taciturn, no she could not, she expected some one she said, all the time scarcely looking at me, but at the wall and lights. — Then I swore I would not go till I had her, and thinking more money was wanted I offered her more. Then with her clothes on she mounted the bed and I fucked her twice. She laid in a dreamy way looking at the walls, scarcely a word could I get out of her between the operations, and I don't think she spent with me. She remarked once that she would dismiss her maid for letting me pass up stairs.

Next day I went to L*v**p**l and the morning after, found I had the clap. I know it must have been from N**l*e, for I had been keeping myself chaste with the hopes of having her. — Her strange manner came to my mind, her maid's funny manner as well, and I felt certain later on that the maid had tried to prevent my seeing her mistress, knowing that she had some ailment. I wrote N**l*e directly telling her frankly, and I came back to London, not savage, but feeling wounded, hurt, but with the kindest feelings towards her. I can't think how I was so foolish, but I flattered myself she did not know that she had the ailment and that I was doing her a service in telling her. — The little maid opened the door. — “Oh-la, here we are again,” said she in her jocular manner. “Not at home — we are not at home. — We've gone to see our mother. — Call again in a month.” — She looked at me enquiringly, but I made no disclosure and went away. — My clap was a bad one. I called when well at the end of four weeks or so, saw N**l*e and told her I was not angry, and that such things would happen. — But she denied most indignantly that she had caused it, she had never had an ailment in her life, some beast of a woman must have given it me, but not she.

I longed to see her lovely form and exquisite cunt, and tho wisely I could not have her, I asked. — No I was a beast with that ailment and she would not. “Don't be foolish — I can't hurt you. — Let me.” The more she refused the more I longed, — longed so that I got furious and scarcely knew what I did. I put all the money I had on the table, my lustful infatuation was so great. The money conquered. She laid at the edge of the bed, I kissed her cunt and thighs, I groaned to have her, but my prick stood with a violent pain in it, and the doctor that morning had told me not to ex-cite myself; that altho I could do no harm to a woman if I fucked her, I might do much harm to myself. — But my lust was irresistible. Almost involuntarily I pulled out my prick and with two or three frigs spent in a spasm of pain and pleasure, whilst holding one of her white thighs with my left hand, and I buried my tongue in her cunt, and sucked and licked it in lustful fury. — With a sudden effort she freed herself. “You beast you've frigged yourself,” said she. I confessed it. — “You shall never have me again then.” — “Why did you not have me if you are well enough, when I allowed you?” Then we quarrelled.

I drove home. The irritation of my prick was great and it pained me much, but I was mad with lust and frigged myself again, moaning as I spent. — Then I took medicine, the clap returned with virulence, I had the worst and most painful features, sleepless nights, and more than a month passed before I was well. — When I called on Mrs. H* * * *s she had left, and gone no one knew where, and years elapsed before I set eyes on her again, and as there is so little more to tell, I may as well complete at once the narrative of so much as I know about her.

In the month of * * * four years later, I went to a public ball. Public tho select, the tickets for ladies if not well known, being obtained with great difficulty. It was a splendid affair, the toilettes were superb, the men mostly in uniform. — A friend nudged me. “There is a lovely woman just by you.” I turned round and saw N**l*e H****s — superb in jewels and lace, and more beautiful than ever. — “Do you know her,” said he. — “Know her? why she gave me one of the worst claps I ever had.” “Hush!” said he, “she is the wife of Captain W**t****ny.” She knew me again I am sure. — We danced in the same quadrille, and I even touched her hand in it, but of course we made no signs of recognition. Her manners were composed as usual, and I don't think she even coloured up when she saw me. I thought the whole evening about her, and my cock stood repeatedly.

(Three or four years after I fancied I saw her in an elegant close carriage in the park, but thought I must have made a mistake. — Talking full ten years after-wards with a friend at * * * * he introduced me to R* * * *s. — “That lucky fellow,” said my friend, “inherited R**s fortune. Don't you recollect he married that lovely little N*l*e H****s. Both she and Lord R are dead, and he then came into the property.”)

Sweet N**l*e — I have often thought of your cunt when my prick has been in another woman's, and of my infatuation which soon would have become desperate love, had it not been for that clap which was perhaps not so bad a thing for me after all.

Chapter IX

Five days' amusement at B***f**d. • The big chamber-maid. • A sovereign promised. • A pego produced. • The superintendent on the watch. • The corridor out of her sight. • The lamp closet. • The water closet. • An uprighter. • Fucking in fear. • The servants' staircase. • A baudy house sought. • At 5 o'clock a.m. • An hour's felicity with her. • Three hours' delight in a brothel. • The chamber-maid's antecedents. • I leave the town.

On my way back from my uncle in the North (this should have been told earlier), I stopped at B***f**d at the new hotel, and called on a schoolfellow who was now a very wealthy merchant in that town. He wished me to take up my quarters with him, but intending only to stop a day or two, I preferred remaining at the hotel, where also I had taken a strong fancy to a very big, fine, chamber maid, who attended to my bedroom.

I had not seen her when I arrived late, but ringing for hot water in the morning, and having omitted to bolt my door, I heard a knock, then the door opened, and in came with the water a woman five feet ten high, and big in proportion, yet evidently quite a young woman, with a fresh complexion, dark staring eyes, dark hair and a handsome, yet with a rather bold look on her face. Slowly she placed the water on the wash- stand not noticing me, then turning round she fixed her eyes on me, as if struck with me (I don't say she was) and walked to the door looking at me all the way.

“Stop Mary,” said I, “put my boots out side, I for-got them, and ring for the boots, will you?” — I said it to keep her in the room to look at her. “Yes, sir,” said she, approaching the bell pull which was close to the bed where I lay. — She pulled it, then took up my boots, put them outside and closed the door. Her big back-side jutted out as she stooped. Belly, bum, cunt, and all her secret parts rushed to my mind's eye instantly, and a desire for her made my prick tingle. How strange that the mere look at a woman has that effect at times.