I went down to the dining room where Bates was clearing away breakfast and thought I would like to have her. — When I once have my rutting fury on I can think of nothing but cunt, and even when for the time used up by copulation, — Cunt, — Cunt, — is all I think of. — Every woman I pass in the street, I wonder what sort of a cunt she has, large or small, brown haired or black, much hair or little. — Has it been fucked or is it virgin. — I am mad about cunt — and this lasts usually two or three days till I am completely fucked out. — The abstinence from women for ten days, and the excitement of the last two days, had put me into this state; so directly I saw Bates alone, I thought of her cunt — and how to get into it.

“It's a long time since I gave you a kiss,” said I — Her demure face broke into a smile and she looked all round the room. — “Mrs. Fitzgerald will hear you,” said she (it was my cousin's name), I gave her rosy lips a kiss, and pinched her bum, making some impudent remark. She scuffled but I got her to kiss me, and for a few minutes, this game was carried on. — The bum pinching upset her most. — “Oh, law, don't. You'll make me lose my place, if any one's come in. Oh, if she be coming down, — oh, don't you hurt.” “I'll pinch it in front then.” Whereon she opened the door wide. I walked into the garden smoking a cigar, for I fancied I heard Hannah coming; but I saw plainly that I might have much fun, if not fucking, with Bates demure as she looked, and even tho she was going to be married.

Bates had been a long time in my aunt's service. When I had seen her before, I kissed her — but was not encouraged to proceed further; and two years had elapsed since then. My aunt had remarked that she was engaged to be married, — that and her demure look, and the difficulties in the way, made me dismiss all idea of getting into her — and had I not had my rutting fever on, dare say should never have attempted it. Now I was in my reckless mood and, having kissed and bum pinched, saw she was not annoyed but only timid. In the dining room I whispered, as she laid luncheon cloth, that I meant to sleep with her. — “I mean to see what color it is,” said I, — at which she looked funny but very serious, and eyed me a long time without making any reply.

At every opportunity — and I made many during the day, Hannah being so much with her mother, — I at-tacked her. When she opened the door I kissed her. — She was sent to me to a summer house (oh those summer houses, how often I have tailed women in them of which I shall have to tell more) — to say my aunt would be glad to see me. There I told Bates I had hurt my fingers against her bum, and was sure she was softer in front, and made fucking signs with my fingers. — Whilst Hannah, with her dark haired cunt, was opposite to me at dinner, I was wondering what sort of quim the maid had and was taken with a furious letch for the wench— and saw that every thing tended to giving me a chance with her.

Hannah refused to let me into her room that night and I had to content myself with a grope. I went out in the afternoon — and came back to dinner. We dined later than usual and it was dark. There was a carriage drive up to the house — tho no lodge. I had rung the bell, and was waiting under the porch to be let in, when I thought I saw a paper on a garden bed, and stepped back to pick it up. Bates opened the door and not seeing anyone, stepped into the porch to look, and the wind slammed the hall door to just as she saw it was me. — “I'll go round to the kitchen entrance,” said she, “and get it open for you, sir.” I saw my opportunity — caught her — kissed her — talked baudiness, and edging her up against the porch whilst kissing her, got my hand on to her cunt. 'Your cunt's nice — let me fuck it and I'll give you a lovely new dress.” — She struggled but fear made her speak in a whisper. “For God sake, don't — you'll make me lose my place and my character — oh if the ladies know I'm here. Oh, do let me go — what will they think in the kitchen? — I'll scream.” — But she did not. — “Oh, I will meet you on Sunday night as you asked me, if you leave off.” “I will indeed.” “Leave off then, you shan't.” “And let me fuck you?” I asked. “Oh no — no,” said she answering in her worry. I let her go, she ran round to the servants' gate, got in that way and coming to the hall door again, let me in. I put my fingers to my nose and said, “How lovely it smells, Becky.” — I was fond of saying that to women whom I had felt.

She waited at dinner, but instead of looking bashful, looked defiant and stolid, pinched her lips together, and kept staring at me. Several times when she was standing at the back of Hannah's chair, I put my finger to my nose in a careless manner, and then she coloured up, and I saw was on the point of smiling. Thought I — I'll shew you my prick at the first opportunity.

— Dinner over, Hannah said she must sit all the evening with her mother, — I went out to * * * and played billiards. When I came back, Bates opened the door.

— “Where is Mrs. Fitzgerald?” “Up with mistress,” she replied. Out I pulled my prick which had stiffened before the door was opened. — “I'll put it into you on Sunday night,” said I in a whisper. “You're a beast,” said she. — Never had I made more progress with a woman of her class in so short time. — Nothing but my heat would have made me so reckless — for tho I now see that extreme impudence in these matters tells the best, I have been often unable to act on that belief at first — and was even astonished now at myself.

Hannah came to say good night. — She had scarcely slept for two nights, and would not let me into her room again, — no, never — she was in mortal fear and looked ill, but before she retired I pushed her against the door and fucked her. — Her great fear was of being in the family way, — “and oh if that Bates should have heard us.” If she fancied any thing she would tell her mother, who had such confidence in her, she having been in her service since a girl.

Aunt did not get better. Hannah the next day would not let me have her, but let me pull up her clothes, and see and kiss her lovely thighs at breakfast and lunch-eon. This got her lust up — for she promised if I would never ask her again, to let me into her room provided I left “directly you have done it.” — “I've had horrid dreams and a persentiment that we shall be caught.” — I promised of course — but made baudy signs to the maid whenever I got the chance. A new dress and bon-net were hers — I said — if she would let me, she knew what. — “No she didn't,” she replied. How wonder-fully like one adventure with a woman is to another, yet every one at the time, seem to me so fresh.

I began to care more about having Bates than Hannah, because of the difficulty of getting her I suppose — “Let me fuck you.” “You're a beast,” was said several times in the day. — When I came in at night, I caught hold of her clothes just outside her cunt, and repeated all in a whisper, “Will you meet me on Sun-day night?” “Yes at seven o'clock if you won't annoy me any more.” — I had some grog, — Hannah came down from aunt's room. — Bates brought in hot water and sugar, and she looked as modest as the Virgin prayers — but both women had heard the word fuck, a few minutes before, and I doubt not both cunts were reeking with the lewedness I had evoked.

Hannah implored me not to go to her room. — “Here then against the door,” because if any one came in we could have hidden our doings — but she would not, and at night the house was too quiet to force her. — “I'm sure something will happen,” said she, “and if I'm found out I'll kill myself.” I laughed at that, having heard it before — and said that even in her room and some one came to it, I could easily get under the bed, — and I told her of one of my escapes — and what she should do, and what I would do in that case, little thinking what was to follow.