After a little time she began asking me if I had not forgotten Sarah, — did I love her as much? — did I long to have her again? — di dshe (Louisa) not give me as much pleasure as Sarah? I had then got over my desolation a little, and only thought of Sarah and her exquisite form with a sigh, was annoyed that she had not written to me, and I began to confess to my-self, that for fucking, Sarah was not to be compared with Louisa. Then I began to wonder at my having been so infatuated, and let it out to Louisa one night. She said she wished I would keep her, three pounds a week, and she would make it do, and so on; and I began to think seriously about the matter, for the expenses at the baudy house were nearly that amount; and although my delicate senses had began to revolt at the strong smell of Louisa, yet her voluptuousness was enticing, and was making me actually constant to her. I had quite left off my Mulatto, Brighton Bessie, and one or two others of my queens.
Louisa was again taken ill, — the consequence of her miscarriage, and of the measures taken to bring that on I was told. She got worse and worse, and was in great danger; she never wrote to me, but often to Hannah, and her letters which I saw always referred to me affectionately; above all she wanted to know what ladies I had at J...s Street. Hannah winking at me used to say, “I'd like to know where you put it away now, — it's put somewhere.” I had taken no women to that house; but laughing said I was chaste. Hannah did not believe that, so I said I frigged my-self. “You don't spill it about in that way”, said she, “let me feel it”, — and she put her hand outside my clothes on to my tool. “Oho !—oho !—oho !” said she, for I stiffened. Then she brought me her accounts to cast up, and when it was done, “I shall take a nap”, said she, “you go now, for I expect Mrs and a strange lady” (I had looked in casually that morning), —and getting on to the bed she laid down showing her legs liberally, and looking at me all the time. “Good bye”, I said, and left; but have thought since that Hannah wanted me to have her. She never before or since looked at me in that way, nor behaved with such freedom when we were alone.
Her bed was as I have I think already told, in the front-parlour in J...s Street, and in an alcove, as many beds are in French hotels and houses; and when the curtains were drawn across it, the bed was entirely hidden.
And then when without a woman at my command, and with a frequent need for one, another piece of luck befell me. The way had been paved for it before Louisa was so ill.
Chapter XVI
A friend's maid-servant. • Jenny. • Initial familiarity. • A bum pinched. • Jenny communicative. • Her young man. • An attempt, a failure, a faint, a look, and a sniff. • Restoratives.
I knew an elderly couple who were childless, and lived in a nice little house in the suburbs with, a long garden in front, and one at the back as well; they were in comfortable but moderate circumstances, and kept two servants only. Every year they went to the seaside, taking one servant with them, and leaving the other at home to look after the house; and usually some one to take charge of it with her. This year they asked if I would when I passed the house (as I frequently did) call in, and see if all was going properly, for the housemaid left in charge was young, and her sister, a married woman, usually only stopped the night with her, leaving early each morning for work in which she was daily engaged. She was an upholstress.
I knew the servant whose name was Jane. She had been with the family some months. I often dined at the house; and once or twice when she had opened the garden-gate (always locked at nightfall), to let me out, I had kissed her, and tipped her shillings. She was a shortish, fat-bummed wench. Not long before this time I gave her bum such a hard pinch one night, that she cried out. A day or two afterwards I said, “Was it not black and blue ?” “I don't know.” “Let me see.” “It's like your impertance”, she replied.
After that I used to ask her when I got the chance, to let me see if the finger-marks were there, at which she would blush a little, and turn away her head, but nothing further had come of the liberty.
When I called at the house I had no intention about the girl, as far as I can recollect. She opened the door, and heard my errand and questions. Yes all was right. Did her sister come and sleep there? Yes. Was she there now? No, she would not be there till nearly dark. I stepped inside, for then I thought of larking with her. “I am tired, and will rest a little”, and stepped into the parlour, sat down on a sofa, began questioning her about a lot of trifles, and in doing so thought of the pinch I had given her bum, and my cock began to tingle. Then I thought she was alone in the house. “Oh ! if she would let me fuck her!—has she been broached? — she is nice and plump.” Curiosity increased my lust, and unpremeditatingly I began the approaches for the attack, though I only meant a little amatory chaffing.
“Is it black and blue yet Jenny?” She did not for the instant seem to recollect, for she asked me innocently enough, “What sir?” “Your bum where I pinched it.” She laughed, checked herself, coloured up, and said, “Oh ! don't begin that nonsense sir.” I went on chaffing. “How I should like to have pinched it under your clothes, — but no I would sooner kiss it than pinch it.” “Oh ! if you're a going on like that I'll go to the kitchen.” I stood before the door, and stopped her going out. “Now give me a kiss.” I caught and kissed her, then gave a lot, and got a return from her. “I won't — Lor there then, — what a one you are”, —and so on. “Well Jenny one kiss, and you may after-wards kiss whenever you want you know.” And so she seemed to think, for I got her to sit down on the sofa, and we gossiped and kissed at intervals, till my cock got unruly. “What a fat burn you have”, said I. Then she attempted to rise, I pulled her back, we went on gossiping, and kissing at intervals. She got quite interested in my talk as I sat with one arm round her waist, and another on her thigh, outside her clothes of course.
So for a while; but I was approaching another stage, was getting randy, and reckless. “Lord how I'd like to be in bed with you, to feel that fat bum of yours, to feel your c — u—n — t”, spelling it, “to f — u—c — k it I'd give a five-pound note”, said I all in a burst, and stooping, got my hand up her clothes on to her thigh. She gave a howl. “Oh! I say now, — what a shame !—oh ! you beast.” I shoved her back on the sofa upsetting her, got my lips on her thighs, and kissed them. Then she escaped me, and breathing hard, stood up looking at me after her struggle. “Oh! I wouldn't have believed it”, said she panting with the exertion. What a lot of women I have heard say, they would not have believed it, when I first made a snatch at their privates. I suppose they say what they mean.
Begging her pardon, “I could not help it”, I said, “you are so pretty and nice, — I'd give ten pounds to be in bed with you an hour.” “Well I'm sure.” “Think what it is not to have a woman you like.” “Well I'm sure sir, you are a married man, — you've got a partner, and ought to know better, — Missus would not have asked you to call if she'd a know'd you, — she thinks there's no gent like you, — what would she say if I tell her?” “But you won't my dear.” “She thinks you a perfect gentleman, and most unlucky”, the girl went on to say, “and she is sorry for you too.”
“Oh I she does not know all, but you've heard, have you Jenny?” I tried to make her sit on the sofa again, and promising that I would not forget myself any more she did so. We kissed and made it up, and talking I soon relapsed into baudiness.
The quarrelsome life I led with the oldish woman at home was I knew well understood by the old couple. “I lead a miserable life”, said I. “Oh ! yes I know all about it”, said the girl “Master and Missus often talk about you, — but you're very gay, ain't you?” Then I told this girl a lot. “Think my dear what it is not even to sleep with a woman for two months, — for two months we have never slept together, — I've never seen her undressed, — never touched her flesh, — you know what people marry for,—I want a woman, you know what I mean don't you, — every night what am I to do? — I love laying belly to belly naked with a nice woman, and taking my pleasure with her, — so of course I can't keep from having other women at times, — you don't know what an awful thing it is to have a stiff prick, and not a nice woman to relieve it.” She gave me a push, got up, and made for the door at the word prick. Again I stopped her. She had sat staring at me with her mouth wide open, without saying a word, all the time I had been telling the baudy narrative of domestic trouble, as if she were quite stupefied by my plain language until she suddenly jumped up, and made for the door without saving a word.