“Close your eyes,” he whispers as we sit at the bar. I do as he asks, waiting patiently as he places something around my neck. “Okay. Open.”

He’s replaced my ‘12 Gage’ necklace. We never did find the original one. This one’s a little different, though—it has my name on it, too. It should make me happy, shouldn’t it? As I rub the pendant between my fingers, I feel…nothing. Exactly the way I’ve been feeling for God knows how long.

“Thank you.”

I leave my stool and lumber back to the bedroom, straight to my artist’s table. For weeks, I’ve been seeing the same image in my nightmares. It becomes clearer each time, and I’m hoping the identity of the masked figure will be revealed soon. I draw that image over and over each day, trying not to forget any details. By the time Gage comes to get me for dinner, my fingers have begun to cramp.

“Babe, sit with me for a little.”

I sit next to him on the edge of the bed and stare at him expectantly. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a rectangular box before turning to face me.

“I was going to give this to you tomorrow, but I want you to have it now.”

I take it from his fingers and flip the lid. There’s a silver charm bracelet sitting inside. He picks it up and I give him my hand so he can clasp it around my wrist.

“This,” he begins, fingering the first charm – a tiny barbecue grill, “is for the barbecue where we met.” He moves to the next one, a miniature motorcycle. “I gave you a ride home that day. You’re the first and only woman to sit on my bike.”

The next one is a monkey, so I raise a curious brow. He chuckles in amusement.

“Monkey bread. That was the night you agreed to be mine.”

The next one is a blue bead. That one I can figure out. There’s also an artist’s palette, and a treble clef – my favorite color, my art, and love of music.

“We can add more when you want, or I can get you different ones. I just thought –”

“I love it,” I cut him off. And I do. It’s probably the most thoughtful gift he’s ever given me, but somehow this feeling of emptiness overpowers my every emotion. I hug him, wrap my arms around him tightly, not just in thanks but to hide my joy-free face from him. His fingers dig into my back from how close he’s holding me. I stare at the wall, unaffected, uncaring, and unwilling to be any different.

“I’m not letting you go, Raven. We’re gonna fill up a hell of a lot more bracelets with all the memories we’re going to make.”

Memories. That’s the problem. I don’t know if I want to remember or forget. How can I make new ones when I’m stuck in limbo? How is it fair to Gage to keep him there with me? It’s not. I won’t do it anymore.

I need to set him free.

***Gage***

It’s Christmas Day. Everyone around me is enjoying themselves. There’s good food, liquor, friends, family, music, gifts…everything you could ask for on a day like this. My woman is snuggled under my arm. I have all I need, yet I’m not happy. I can’t be, not when Raven isn’t. She barely ate and hasn’t spoken much to anyone, except for Mikey when she played with him for a while. She’s sitting here fiddling with the charms on her bracelet. I thought it would have made her happy. Women like that kind of shit, don’t they? I have one more gift for her and if that doesn’t even get a smile out of her, I don’t know what else to do. I catch Motor’s attention and give him the signal to get ready.

“Raven.”

“Hmm?”

“I have something to show you.”

Sitting up, she observes me, biting into her bottom lip. She slips her hand into mine and we make our way toward the exit. I stop just long enough to get her into a jacket, then take her outside.

“Where are we going?” she inquires.

“Just out here. Close your eyes.”

She throws me a cautious glance then obeys. I move behind her, covering her eyes with my hand until Motor brings her gift to the front. When everything is in place, I remove my hand.

“Okay. You can open them.”

She doesn’t speak or move. I step to the side to make sure her eyes are open, and she’s staring at her gift the same way she’s looked at everything the last few weeks – as if she’s looking right through it.

“Do you like it?” I ask.

“It’s…it’s a car.”

“It’s your car.” I take her hand and pull her closer to it. “Come on.”

I’ve had the guys working on it for a while now. She’s always loved the Mustang so I got her one identical to mine, customized for her. Of course, it’s blue. On the hood, there’s a decal of a Raven perched on a skull. Okay, so there’s a piece of me in that. She’s my woman, after all. It’s also fitted with blue neon underbody and wheel lights. I left the interior intact because I figured she’d want to set that up her way.

“Well? What do you think?”

“It’s pretty.”

“Pretty? No, baby doll. It’s badass, just like you.” She still makes no move toward it, so I grab the key from Motor and hand it to her. “Let’s take it for a ride.”

I open her door and she climbs in slowly. It takes her a while, but she finally gets the car moving. She’s driving like a Driver’s Ed student, but I keep my thoughts to myself. The streets are deserted, so at least we don’t have to deal with impatient assholes. The car accelerates and I think she’s finally getting into enjoying it, but she just keeps speeding up. The road’s a little icy, so I’m getting concerned.

“Raven?”

She doesn’t answer. She’s staring straight ahead, and I watch as the needle on the speedometer climbs until it passes one-twenty.

“Raven!”

***Raven***

I hear Gage calling my name. Vaguely. All I can think is that I can’t do this anymore. I need it to end. I unbuckle my seatbelt and press down on the accelerator, watching as the vehicle eats up the road. Gage’s voice comes to me as if in a dream, asking what I’m doing. It has to be a dream because he’s not here. Once I do this, he’ll be free to move on, to be with someone who doesn’t have the emotional baggage I do. Yes, this is what I need to do. We’ll both be free. I close my eyes and release the steering wheel, embracing my fate. Yes. This is it.

I feel a weight on my chest and get ready for the pain I know is coming. Instead, the tires screech and the car swerves then slides to a stop. All the time, the weight on my chest is unwavering. I open my eyes and see it’s a hand. A hand keeping me pinned to my seat. I turn my head to the right and Gage is sitting there, breathing like a dragon.

“What the fuck was that?” he demands. “Get out!”

I scramble out of the car. He climbs over into the driver’s seat and shuts it off. In an instant, he’s out of the car and forcing me against it. The realization of what I was about to do hits me and I break down in a panic. This is the second time I could have killed him. How could I forget he was in the car with me?

“What the fuck, Raven? You could have gotten us killed!”

He’s angry. He has every right to be. I deserve more than his anger, more than the shouting. I cringe, closing in on myself as he goes off on me.

“I’ve tried. I’ve tried so hard but no matter what I do, it’s not enough. Is that what you want, huh? To die? You want to leave –?”

He reels in whatever he was going to say, fisting his hands at his sides. The icy eyes are back and this time, they’re directed at me. I might as well be dead because I can’t bear for him to look at me like that.

“Get the fuck in the car. Now.”

***Gage***

The way I’m gripping the steering wheel, I’m surprised it hasn’t snapped in two. That stunt she just pulled has me wanting to go on a rampage and kill everyone in sight. Fuck me. When did she get to this stage? Being sad is one thing, but suicidal? Her fucking therapist is about to get reamed a new asshole. Fucking bitch could have said something. Shit.