“What in God’s name is this supposed to be?” I gasped.

“You don’t like cereal?”

“I didn’t realise ‘cereal’ was the word for toxic slime here in Hell.”

“That mediocre food up in Heaven isn’t looking quite so bad now, is it.”

“Come on,” I protested, “you can’t tell me there isn’t good food in Hell. I’ve seen some of the restaurants down here.”

“There’s plenty of good food in Hell,” Jessie agreed. “It’s just practically impossible to eat any of it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, first of all, you’ve got to be able to afford it. And secondly, even if by some chance you do manage to get enough money, you’ll probably find they’ve run out of the ingredients for the dish you want to order, or the chef has taken the day off, or they just don’t feel like cooking it.” Jessie paused and looked at me with a strange, cock-eyed grin. “But I shouldn’t have to tell you any of this. You’ve been in Hell for a while now. So, how are you enjoying it?”

I put the spoon down and pushed the bowl away. “When I first got here, I thought it was great. Here I was expecting fire and torment, but what did I find instead? Streets full of people. Bars and nightclubs playing music till the early hours.”

“But did you actually get into one of those nightclubs to hear some of the music?”

“No I didn’t. Well, I got into a club, but the band left the stage straight away.”

“Exactly,” said Jessie. “The band always takes a break whenever you go into a club. And they always come back just as you’re leaving. You never actually get to hear them play.”

“But what about all the people who were in the club when I arrived? They would have heard them play.”

“That’s right, the other people would have. Good stuff only ever happens to other people in Hell. When you go to the movies in Hell, the ticket office always sells out just as you reach the front of the queue. When you go into a bar, you always leave by yourself, even though everyone else seems to be leaving in pairs.”

“Come on,” I said. “I’ve had a bad night, but you still can’t convince me Hell is so terrible. With the attitude you’ve got at the moment, I’ll bet the Garden of Eden would look like a cesspit. By the way, I don’t suppose you’ve got a cigarette? Suddenly I’ve got a real craving.”

“It wouldn’t help if I did. The cigarettes in Hell don’t satisfy the craving. They only make it worse. But tell me something, Jimmy. Did you have that craving while you were up in Heaven?”

Of all the things that Jessie had said, this was the one that really floored me. She was absolutely right. Even when I’d thought about cadging a cigarette from God, it hadn’t been a pressing need. I hadn’t even been that upset when I’d found out He’d given them up.

Jessie must have noticed the sudden glint of madness in my eyes, because she gave me a knowing smirk. “It’s starting to hit home, isn’t it. You’re starting to see how Hell really is. Everything here goes wrong. Absolutely everything.”

“Hang on a minute,” I interjected. “Not everything went wrong. I not only succeeded in making an ally out of my old enemy Bully Malone, but I actually got a lot of information from him about . . . damn!”

“What’s the matter?”

“I wanted to get information about Sally and her connections here, but I completely forgot to ask.”

“No,” said Jessie with unexpected fierceness. “You didn’t forget. It’s just the way it works down here. As long as you’re in Hell, you’ll never be able to get what you want. Hell is constant craving and constant disappointment. In Hell, you can never be satisfied, no matter how hard you try. There’s never any time for rest or peace. You’re forever rushing around, desperately searching for the one thing you think will bring fulfillment. But even if you find it, it’s never enough. It never fills that burning, gaping hole inside your soul. That’s what it’s like here in Hell.”

As Jessie finished her diatribe, she pounded her fist on the table. The force of the blow sent the bowl flying into the air, raining thick brown sludge all over her.

I grabbed what looked like an old piece of cloth that was lying on another chair and tried to wipe her down. Immediately, she screamed and reached out to grab the cloth from my hand.

“Keep still, Angel,” I said. “I’m trying to clean you up.”

“Stop it,” she cried, still clawing blindly for the cloth.

I stepped back. “Take it easy. Even in Hell, I don’t think a face full of toxic slime is a good look.”

“You don’t understand. I have to wear that.”

“This?” I held up the cloth. Underneath the grunge that had been smeared all over it, it appeared to be some sort of body stocking. “Why do you have to wear this?”

“I told you before I had a penance to serve.”

“Wearing this is your punishment for sneaking into Heaven?”

“It’s worse than that,” Jessie sighed. “I have to go out into the street looking like this. I have to do a mime performance.”

“A mime performance here? Out on the streets of Hell?”

Jessie nodded sadly.

“Ouch,” I groaned. “That’s cruel and unusual punishment.” I shut my eyes, trying to hold back an image of Jessie in her filthy bodystocking, walking against the wind out on the busy streets of Hell. It wasn’t working. Suddenly, this room was starting to get awfully claustrophobic. I had to get out.

“I’d love to stay and watch your performance,” I said, “but I’ve got to get going. There’s still plenty of work for me to do here.”

“You’ll come back though, won’t you?” said Jessie, her eyes big and round beneath the layers of caked-on cereal. “I’ll be here, waiting for you.”

“I’ll do what I can, Angel. This case is starting to get awfully complicated. And if what you’ve said is right, I’ve got to watch my back. But whatever happens, just remember I’ll be thinking about you.”

“I’ll be thinking about you too, Jimmy.”

I walked through the door, trying my best not to think about her. Of course, I banged my head on the way out.

It was daytime in Hell, but there wasn’t a lot of sunshine creeping through the clouds. A light drizzle was falling as I made my way through the gloom of another side alley, back towards the main street.

In the cold light of day, the main street of Hell didn’t scrub up so well. What had seemed bright and exciting at night now seemed faded and tired. The music that still thumped from the bars sounded atonal and jarring, while the neon signs glowed feebly, barely illuminating the dimness all around.

There was less foot traffic than the previous night, but it was still pretty busy. I walked slowly through the crowd, quietly observing the faces that suddenly didn’t seem to be quite so becoming. There were the women whose lipstick and powder couldn’t disguise their thin mouths and dry, lined skin. There were the young stallions with their clinking jewellery, thrusting out their chests and shoulders but impressing no one but themselves. There were the old drunks in faded dinner jackets, dancing to the music of parties that had long since ended. In all of their eyes, I could see a look that I might once have taken for purpose and determination, but which now looked a lot more like futile desperation.

I trudged along the street, stepping in every puddle along the way, until I arrived back at the Devil’s castle. Even that didn’t seem to be quite so imposing. It was neither as black nor as solidly threatening as I’d remembered it from the night before.

I stood for a moment, examining the gruesome door buzzer. The business I had today was a little too private for me to be ringing the front doorbell. I looked around. On either side of the door, a series of open windows gaped darkly like a row of demons’ jaws hungry for food. It seemed that security here was more than a little lax, though I could understand why. Who could possibly be foolhardy enough to consider breaking into the Prince of Darkness’s stronghold? Only one person I could think of.