The grate wasn’t difficult to lever off. It was something of a squeeze to get into the hole in the wall, but eventually I managed to drag myself through. I reached back through the opening and picked up the grate, taking one last look at Heaven before I returned it into position. Then, barely a second after I’d wedged it into place, I pushed it out again to take another look.

The final item in my anti-Heaven diatribe had been incorrect. The street outside was not clear of litter. It wasn’t filthy, but it wasn’t spotlessly clean either. Even in the dim light, I could make out a number of small pieces of paper and plastic flapping in the wind. One flew past and became stuck in the grate. I pulled it off and tossed it away. Then I slammed the grate firmly into place. A few extra pieces of rubbish weren’t going to make me dislike Heaven any less. It was time to go.

I turned away from the grate to be faced by total darkness. I pulled out my lighter, and with the aid of its dim flame, I managed to make out what looked like either a very small storeroom or a very large closet. Just beside my feet, in the middle of the floor, a large hole gaped. I crouched down and peered into its depths, but the feeble beam from the lighter faded out well before it reached whatever was at the bottom. I moved the light around the top of the pit and a spark of metal caught my eye. Then I lowered the flame slightly until I detected another glint of metal, and another one below that. Here was the ladder Jessie had described to me. It was nothing more than a series of brass rungs wedged into the sides of the hole, descending in a helical pattern into the blackness.

They say two negatives cancel each other out, but as I stared down into that hole, my fear of heights wasn’t doing anything to cancel out my fear of darkness. Eventually, I took a deep breath and lowered myself in, reaching out with my feet until I found the first rung of the ladder. Then, slowly and carefully, I began to climb down.

For what seemed like hours, I continued my journey. The darkness enveloped me, like a giant bat enclosing me within its wings. With every step, I gripped the rungs above while my foot searched for the next rung below, not daring to breathe until it was firmly planted. My mind turned off to everything except the rhythm of my movements—right foot down, left hand down, left foot down, right hand down. My face was freezing. My hands had less feeling than a bank manager. Still, I continued. Right foot down, left hand down, left foot down, right hand down.

Finally, after I couldn’t tell how long, my hands had no more strength to grip the rungs. My fingers slowly unclasped and, too exhausted to even scream, I plummeted away from the wall and into the blackness.

I didn’t fall for long. Almost immediately, I landed on something soft. As it turned out, I had practically reached the bottom before I’d let go. I lay for about five minutes, recovering my strength and enjoying the marvellous fact that the ground at the bottom of the hole happened to be spongy and bouncy. Then I remembered Jessie telling me that she’d placed a mattress here to break her fall in case of such an accident. She said she’d never had to use it herself. I’m sure she’d be glad to know that it worked.

I stood up, shivering slightly. I’d dressed light, figuring I’d be dealing with extreme heat down here. I wasn’t expecting it to be more than a bit on the chilly side. I looked around. In the darkness, I could see little. But with the aid of a thin shaft of light coming through a crack in the far wall, I could just make out that I was in some sort of abandoned warehouse. As I walked towards that sliver of light, I became aware of a noise coming from somewhere beyond the room—an indistinct, dull humming. I couldn’t tell what was making the sound, but it seemed strangely familiar.

I reached the crack in the wall and discovered that it marked the outline of a door. I pushed the door open easily enough, walked through, and immediately it hit me.

It was the hum I’d heard in the room, only magnified five hundred times. At this volume, I was able to make out exactly what it was. It was people shouting and music blasting. It was engines roaring and car horns blaring. It was all the sounds I had grown to know and love, but which I’d almost forgotten about during my time in Heaven. If I hadn’t already been sure, it was the final confirmation that I’d made it into Hell.

I surveyed my surroundings. I was standing at the end of a short, narrow alley. It was nighttime, but although there were no stars visible, the sky glowed with a pinkish hue. The buildings on either side of the alley were derelict. The door through which I had come was almost hidden behind the grunge that decorated the walls all around. Unless you were looking for it, you’d have had no idea it was there.

I walked to the end of the alley, bypassing several large mounds of rubbish. And then I got my first glimpse of the true spectacle that was Hell.

What a spectacle it was. If Heaven had been closing down for the night when I left, Hell was just starting up. The street in front of me was jammed with people, all moving at a speed that suggested a bomb threat had just been broadcast. Neon flared from the buildings all around, while the strains of loud music came floating out from open doors. On the roadway beyond, cars hurtled past. All in all, it was one of the most magnificent sights I had ever seen.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to stand and savour these delights to the senses. I had work to do. I needed to speak to the man in charge, and I knew exactly who that was going to be. Only problem was, I had no idea where to find him.

I emerged from the alley and regarded the passing parade. I felt like I was standing on the bank of a flooding stream, and that if I took one more step forward I would be swept away. I singled out one of the faces on the edge of the stream and waved my arms to try and get his attention.

“Excuse me, can you tell me where I can find the Devil?”

For a moment, the man looked like he was going to stop. For barely a second, his eyes met mine. Then he was rushing past and on his way.

Obviously he was in too much of a hurry to stop. I chose another face, this time a good-looking blonde in a too-tight skirt, and I spoke much louder.

“Can you tell me where I can find the Devil?”

Again, I received the same response. I’d swear that she heard me. I saw the slight pause in her movement before she too hurried away.

The third time I tried, I was practically screaming, but it still didn’t seem to make any difference to the sharply-dressed young man who was racing past.

I decided to try a different strategy. Instead of trying to attract somebody’s attention, I placed myself directly in their path. This time, they wouldn’t have a choice except to stop.

I was wrong. The heavyset gentleman only seemed to recognise my existence after he had careered into me and we’d both been sent flying to the ground. He stood up first and dusted himself off. Then he grabbed me by the collar and dragged me to my feet.

“What’s the idea, punk?”

“No idea,” I replied quickly. “I just wanted to ask you a question.”

“Well I’ve got an answer for you. Stay out of my way.” And he threw me to the ground again.

With a tear welling in my eye, I watched him hurry away. At last, I felt like I was home again.

I discovered that as a result of this bruising encounter, I’d been propelled through the crowd to the edge of the road. Right beside my face, cars were zooming past with drivers whose feet seemed to be permanently welded to the gas pedal. I couldn’t help noticing that a large proportion of these were taxis. If the residents of Hell were so reluctant to tell me how to get to the Devil, I could always catch a cab there instead.

I stood up and flagged down the first taxi I saw. Straightaway, it veered towards me. But as it stopped and I opened the door, someone else ran from behind and jumped into the passenger seat, slamming the door in my face as the taxi raced off. I tried flagging down another one, but again I was too slow climbing in. After the third time, I gave up. If these people wanted taxis so much, they could have them. I would find the Devil, even if I had to walk all night.