“When I first made it to the top of the passage, I couldn’t tell if it was good luck or bad. I would spend hours looking out into Heaven, envying all of the good people who had made it here, and dreaming of the day when my time in Hell would finally be up and I could join them. But I didn’t dare pass through. Not at first.”

“But eventually you did.”

Jessie wiped a tear from her eye. “Eventually I did. I couldn’t stand it anymore. It was so hard, and I had so long to wait. Finally, in the middle of the night, I did it. I stole through the passageway and into Heaven. And here I’ve been, ever since.”

“And no one seemed surprised by the arrival of a new angel in Heaven?”

“No one,” she replied, her voice still quavering. “I created a whole new identity for myself as the angel Jessie, and no one here even batted an eyelid. But that’s the way it is in Heaven. People don’t question you. They respect you for who you are. Except for Sally. She was the only one who was suspicious, until you came along.”

Jessie paused for a moment and took a deep breath. “So, now you’ve discovered my secret. I guess this is the end for me.” As she finished, she hid her head in her hands. Her whole body was wracked with sobs.

“Just a minute,” I said. “What makes you think this is the end for you?”

Jessie raised her head and looked at me. Her eyes glowed like porcelain marbles in the darkness. “Isn’t that what your case was about? To find me and send me back to Hell? Are you working for God, or just for Sally?”

“What sort of detective do you think I am, Angel?”

She blinked in surprise. “Please don’t call me Angel.”

“Why shouldn’t I call you Angel?”

“You know why. Because I’m not—”

“But I like calling you Angel.” She didn’t answer. I figured she liked me calling her Angel too.

“Now listen to me,” I said. “First of all, I never told you that I actually was on a case.”

“But you said—”

“No I didn’t. I said that maybe I was here for a particular reason, but I never told you what that reason was. Secondly, even if I was working on a case, that doesn’t mean it has anything to do with you. And thirdly, even if that case did involve you, I have no intention of having you shipped back to the fiery pit. Now you’ve told me your secret, and that’s fine with me. I was holding out my hat for some honesty. What you threw in was a lot heavier than I expected, but my neck is pretty strong. When I put my hat back on my head, nothing is going to fall out. What’s in there stays there.”

“Do you mean that?” said Jessie. “You won’t tell anyone.”

I grinned at her—a big toothy grin, so she could see it. “You’ve been honest with me, so I guess I should return the favour. As it happens, I am working on a case. I can’t disclose the exact nature of this case, but I can assure you it has nothing to do with investigating imposter angels. And I’m definitely not working for Sally. My instructions come directly from God Himself, though as far as I’m concerned, I see no need to report back to Him details that I do not deem relevant to the case.”

Jessie slid across the bed and nestled against me. She placed her head down on the pillow and lay, breathing softly. After a while, she spoke.

“The last time I saw you, I offered you my assistance. I’d like to now quadruple that offer.”

“Quite frankly, Angel, I think the best thing you can do is stay well away. But I’ve still got a couple of questions to ask you. Firstly, I don’t get Heaven. There’s barely anything to do, the food is mediocre, and, with the exception of a certain house upon the hill, the accommodation is nothing to write home about. I just don’t see why this place is so special.”

“It is special,” said Jessie, “but maybe you can’t understand why until you’ve seen the alternative.”

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s time I saw the alternative.”

Jessie jerked upright like a supercoiled spring. “I don’t want you going down there.”

“But Angel, I have to.”

“Can’t you just stay here with me?”

“I’ve still got a job to do. I have to find out about the man I saw at Sally’s.”

“Please don’t go,” she begged. “You don’t know what it’s like down there. You have no idea how truly frightful it is.”

“Which is why I need to find out. Look, I’m a big boy. I can take care of myself.”

“And afterwards you’ll come back up? Back to me?”

“I promise.” The words had escaped from my mouth before my brain had even started processing her request. Now that they were out, there was no chance I could take them back. Even in the darkness, I could see the dreamy look on her face as she lay back on the pillow. The damage was done. I would just have to deal with the consequences when I got back. If I got back.

“One more thing,” I said. “The glowing trick. If you’re not really an angel, how do you do that?”

“Pick up my robe and see.”

I reached down and picked up the robe. Straight away, I realised why it felt so heavy. The insides were lined with a network of tiny wires and globes. Jessie reached over and flicked a switch inside the sleeve, and suddenly the room was bathed in light.

I placed the robe back on the floor and began to laugh. She joined me, and for ages we lay on the bed, howling like a couple of demented chimps. Finally, she rolled over, into my arms, and there she spent the rest of the night.

She was no angel. I was glad.

Chapter 9

EARLY IN THE MORNING, while Jessie slept, I quietly dressed and stole out of the building. I wanted to take a look at Raphael’s place in the still of morning, before the crowds began to gather.

Even by Heaven’s standards, Raphael’s cottage was small. It looked less like a real dwelling and more like a child’s dollhouse, blown up to almost but not quite full size. Out front, a rickety-looking barrier had been inexpertly set up, with a sign saying Crime Scene – Do Not Enter. I tapped on the barrier, and it promptly collapsed at my feet. With any impediment to my progress effectively dismantled, I walked down the little path, opened the door, and entered Raphael’s home.

The place was a shambles. If the nature of Phil’s disappearance remained frustratingly opaque, there could be no doubting that Raphael had been taken against his will. Tables and chairs had been overturned. Pieces of paper and bits of broken ornaments were strewn all over the floor. I was impressed. It looked like the little guy had put up quite a struggle.

I took a closer look to see if anything lying around the place could shed any light on the identity of the intruders. The papers on the floor weren’t much help. They seemed to be either donation forms for the various charitable organisations Raphael ran, or sheet music specially annotated for a harp orchestra. As for the shattered pieces of ornaments, those were the remnants of commemorative plates and porcelain sculptures that only the finest mail order firms would have the gall to perpetrate on the public. They revealed plenty about the victim of this crime but very little about those who had committed it, except that perhaps they possessed a modicum of taste.

I checked out the other rooms and quickly discovered that the struggle had been confined to the front room. The rest of the house seemed to be completely untouched. However, it was what greeted me in the bathroom that really caught my eye.

A series of large green mounds were stacked against the wall—garbage bags, all filled to the brim. I untied the tag of the nearest one and took a look inside. It was packed solid with rubbish of all descriptions: food wrappers, advertising flyers, old newspapers, and electrical junk. I checked a couple of the other bags and found that they too were tightly crammed with waste materials. I counted the number of bags in the room. There were fifteen in all, each one heaving and bulging with refuse. It was no wonder Heaven was so clean. Raphael was a one-man waste disposal system.