“Of course you can.” She laughs.

“The house in Ohio sold!”

“It what?”

He nods. “The retailer called your work phone. The lady who answered called her, and she telled me. So we get to live here by the ocean, Mommy.”

“Realtor,” I smile and tears fall.

“Yep, that. It’s okay. We can get a new one … with security.”

His words bring me to a new level of realization. He sees all of my insecurities, all of my flaws, and not only does he see them, but he recognizes them. I am so ashamed to think of the damage I have unknowingly caused him.

“I’m not sad, Noah. I’m happy.”

“Good. Me, too.”

After they leave, the nurse comes in. “We are going to wait until tomorrow to set your leg. We want to make sure all the swelling has gone down, and again, I am offering pain medicine.”

“No thank you,” I say, earning a harsh look. “I would like my phone.” I point to the outlet. “I can’t get to it.”

“And you should eat something,” she mutters, but I ignore her.

“And if you could tell me how River is?”

“He’s out of surgery,” she says, shaking her head. “Your friend is a pain in the ass.”

“Is that your professional opinion?” I smile.

She laughs, shaking her head. “Both personal and professional.”

***

I wake to his voice. “You Mommy’s friend from the picture?”

“You’re Noah.” It’s Finn’s voice.

“You know my name?”

“She talks about you all the time.”

“You was here yesterday?”

“I was. So were you, right?”

I sit up and lean toward the door, straining to hear what else is said.

Noah walks in, holding Finn’s hand, and Finn looks at me, his knit cap pulled low. He has on jeans and a gray sweater over a white T-shirt, and he has trimmed his beard.

“I found your friend,” Noah says, dropping Finn’s hand and climbing up on the bed. “He was here yesterday but never came in. I think he should know you’re fine.”

“Are you fine, Sonya?” Finn asks.

I nod, wrapping my arm around Noah, who is now perched at my side. I kiss his head and ask, “Yes. Did you have a good night?” I am talking to Noah, but I am still looking at Finn.

Finn shakes his head while Noah nods, and I can’t help smiling.

Taelyn walks in and looks at Noah. “Hey, you, did you forget something?”

He laughs. “I found Mom’s friend.” He turns and looks at me. “Be back.” He jumps down and looks up at Finn. “You stay with her?”

“Yeah, little man, I will.”

As soon as they leave, Finn walks over and sits in the chair next to the bed.

We’re silent for a few minutes before he says, “You should take something for the pain.”

“Finn …” I begin.

“No. It’s my kid, too, and well, fuck, Sonya. Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He clenches his fists. “I don’t want you to hurt because you’re afraid—”

“I think that’s why Noah has so many issues, and I don’t want this baby to have the struggles he has. And I don’t even know if it’s a viable pregnancy. I don’t even know how the hell it happened. I’m on the pill, Finn. I take it at the same time every day. I set an alarm as a reminder when I don’t even need a reminder.” I bat away my tears and continue, “I don’t know how it happened.”

He leans forward and reaches up, swiping his thumb across my face. “I don’t, either, but I can assure you it wasn’t on the plane.”

I cover my mouth and laugh as I cry.

He stands up and sits on the side of the bed. “What do you mean by not viable?”

“I mean I am spotting and it’s so early. I mean anything can happen, so if that’s why you’re trying to be nice when you don’t like me—”

“I may not like what happened or how shit went down, Sonya. I may be pissed, but that doesn’t change shit. Hasn’t changed since that night. You didn’t kill me, but you sure fucked me six ways to Sunday.” He looks at me and shakes his head. “You’re afraid of me. It took me all of ten minutes to realize why. I’m a little pissed right now, but that doesn’t make me a fucking sociopath. I would never hurt you. Never like he did.”

“You can’t take my child away from me. If everything is okay,” I squeak and hold my hand over my belly, “you can’t take the baby away from me.”

He shakes his head. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I don’t like being away from Noah. I won’t like it any more if you decide to be part of this baby’s life and—”

“I wouldn’t take a child away from a mother like you. The kid would hate me, I would hate me.” I can’t help feeling relieved. “I hate me for staying away from you, but I don’t know how to deal with you knowing about her and all that shit, Yaya.”

“Yaya.” I smile.

“You frustrate the hell out of me, scare me shitless. You have so much power over me and are so incredibly strong. I knew it from the minute I looked at you. And when I told you I love you, I meant it, too.”

“It can’t be because you think I’m pregnant.” I don’t want him to feel trapped by the situation.

“Jesus, woman, are you listening to me? I have been in that hallway since the accident. I left to shower early this morning because I couldn’t stand the smell of me, and I sure as hell didn’t want to come in here and gross you out. Before that I had been trying to avoid you, but bathing in my memories of you this entire time … I can’t turn it off, and I don’t want to.”

“It can’t be because you feel guilty about the accident,” I say, feeling like I don’t deserve him, not after everything.

“Then let it be about the truth. You sent my father, and the Whites, tickets to the show. No one has ever done something like that, something because they knew it would mean a lot to me. Hell no one, including me would have even known I needed that. Just you. You love me. I see it; I feel it. I love you, and you see and feel the same thing. Let it be about the truth.”

“I want to believe it.”

“You’ve know about her the entire time, and you’ve tried to tell me. You wanted me despite it. Until the accident, until I thought I could lose you forever, I didn’t let that set in. I let that insecurity, that lie, almost cost me the only woman who ever loved me the way I love her—a true kind of love.”

His sincerity is unmistakable and genuine. I can see it and feel it.

“I want that with you.”

“Then you’ll have it, and I will, too.” He brings my hand to his mouth and kisses it. “God, I’ve missed you.”

Noah and Taelyn walk in with a huge basket of flowers.

“For you, Mom.”

“Thank you so much,” I say, pulling my hand back from Finn’s lips.

Noah looks at Finn and then at the bed.

“Am I in your spot, little man?”

Noah shrugs and lifts his arms to Finn. “I can sit on your lap.”

“Sounds good.” Finn grabs him under his arms and helps him up. “This okay with you?”

Noah grins and nods. “Yes.”

After her leg is set, she finally agrees to take some pain pills. I leave her and Noah alone when it kicks in.

I walk down the hall, hearing River’s fucking voice. It’s like listening to a fourth grader playing an electric guitar.

“Get the fuck out of here! I’m fucking done! Did you hear the fucking surgeon, man? I’m fucked, totally fucked. I can’t feel my goddamned hand! Just get the fuck out!”

I see Billy and Memphis coming out of his room, then hear metal hit the wood, and a bedpan flies out behind them.

“Piss off, fuckers! I fucking quit!”

They both look exasperated and exhausted, their heads hung low. They both look up, though, when they see me approaching.

“Man, don’t go in there,” Memphis warns. “He’s wrecked.”

I nod. “Didn’t plan on it.”

“I fucking hear you, Beckett! Stop being a bitch and face me like a man!” River screams.

“Changed my mind,” I say as I walk into his room. Face him, I will, and here is as good a place as any ’cause, if I fuck him up, they can put his sorry ass together again.