I sort through them, accepting and denying each one. Two months ago, I would have accepted all of them. Today, I don’t have time, but I have to make time. It’s money, a way to get back on track.

“Hey, you’re up early,” Tally says as she walks up to me.

“Yeah, just figured I’d get caught up on some personal stuff before starting the day.”

“Personal stuff?” She sits and looks at me. “Oh.” Her hand covers her mouth. “Never mind, I should never have asked a personal—”

“I have a son, Tally.” Saying it out loud feels so good, like a weight lifted off my heart. Even after last night’s set back, the new desire to finally move forward and step outside the literal gates feels good.

“A what?”

I look up when I hear Memphis, who sits down.

“A son,” I say, allowing the truth to shine as brightly as Noah’s smile does when he looks at me. “He’s four and beautiful. He is my reason for—” I stop when I see Memphis look over me, and I glance back to see he is looking at River.

“How old were you when you had him?” River asks.

I clear my throat. “Almost seventeen.”

“Well, shit.” He plops down.

Finn walks around the table then and sits directly across from me. I can’t see his eyes, so I don’t know if he’s all right with my confession. I don’t know why I care, but I do.

“He live with his dad or your mom or—”

“What’s with the twenty questions?” Finn asks, lifting his chin at River. “She has a kid. Big deal.”

“Just asking, man. My mom left when I was, like, two. Joined the circus as the fat lady and—”

“Shut the hell up, really?” Billy asks, sitting next to River.

“Hell no, she was too young to raise me. Probably should have aborted me.” He laughs and looks around. No one else laughs. “A joke, man.”

“Stupid fucking joke,” Finn grumbles, sitting back in his chair.

I look around, finding all eyes are on me, seeking an explanation, I assume.

“He’s at our house. My aunt lives with us. She’s caring for him while I’m away.”

“No need to explain, Sonya,” Finn says before taking a sip of his coffee.

I shrug. “I don’t want it to be a secret.”

“Shouldn’t be. You’re doing what you have to do to raise your kid. That’s something to be proud of,” he says and stands up. “I need a smoke.”

“I’m coming, too,” River says, following him.

Nick, Taelyn, and Xavier join us. I can feel my cheeks flush, embarrassed by what I overheard last night. Porn sex? I wonder if they make videos, and if so, why? Certainly not for the money.

“Today, Steel Total Destruction has a photo shoot,” Taelyn announces. “We have a full color page ad with Rolling Stone magazine. Look fresh.” She looks at Tally and me. “And we are going to meet with Tainted Knights’ manager, Emmie, while they rehearse on stage.” She looks at me. “Photo op for us?”

“Of course.” I smile.

Taelyn is amazing. She seems to understand and value the work I do. She also seems willing to entertain ideas about promotion that others, like Finn, want to balk at.

I shove everything in my bag and go to stand as Xavier says, “Sit down. Breakfast is on its way.”

***

Emmie Armstrong and Tainted Knights arrive at Toyota Stadium at one o’clock to begin set up. Taelyn and Emma stand at the side of the stage and start talking while Tally and I set out to take as many pictures as we can.

“I don’t remember who is who.” She laughs.

“Jace, vocals; Grey, founder of the band, guitarist, and vocals; Kale is on drums; Tate, or Sin, is bass; and Cash, bass, keys, and vocals,” I tell her as I snap pictures.

“I don’t know how you remember all of them.” She shakes her head.

“It’s my job.” I smile, snapping more photos.

When I feel we have enough, Tally and I sit and download them. I then save them in a cloud we can both access.

“You start at the top; I’ll start at the bottom. Use the photo app to add the overlay with the concert information, and then we will come up with a posting plan.”

“Sounds good.” She nods. “Sonya?”

“Yeah?” I ask, looking up from my laptop.

“Do you have a nickname besides None-ya?”

“No.” I laugh.

“Well, they call me Tales sometimes. You need a nickname,” she whispers the last part, and it makes me smile.

At four o’clock, we finally have all of our picture files set and ready to roll when Memphis comes in and sneaks behind Tally, kissing her neck.

“Hello, hot stuff.”

“Well, hi there, hotter stuff.” She giggles.

He walks in front of her and scowls. “Not even close.”

She scowls back in a joking manner. “I’d rather look at you any day than at a mirror, so tails, I win.”

I feel him, smell him; I know he’s close. I look up, and Finn is looking down over his sunglasses. His gaze hits my eyes first then my lips, and they immediately go dry, so I lick them. His jaw muscles pop, his nostrils flare a bit, and then he pulls out a cigarette.

“Going for a smoke. Wanna come with me?” he asks River.

“Just put one out, man,” he says, looking at him oddly.

Finn walks away as he lights up.

I see the security guards walk up to him. “No smoking in here.”

“I’m heading out,” he says as he walks past.

One of them taps his shoulder, but he stops and doesn’t turn around.

“No smoking on the property at all,” the guard calls out.

When Finn turns around, it’s apparent he is angry.

“How about you keep your hands off me?”

“Rules are rules,” the younger one says.

His voice goes deep as hell as he walks toward the exit, saying, “Understood.”

I look at River, then Memphis and Billy. “Should one of you go with him?”

“He’s cool.” Memphis laughs.

***

I avoid being alone with him, and he knows it. The embarrassment of what I may have said in the early restless morning hours horrifies me. It has happened before. During nights when I was forced to remember my attack, nights when a memory flooded my mind, I had horrible dreams, ones that woke me in the middle of the night to find myself crying, screaming, begging for my life. Then there were the mornings when I opened my eyes and was sure it was really happening again.

That’s what happened last night. That’s what the man who doesn’t want to live in the past was witness to. That is something I fear will never go away. It’s something I will live with forever. But I don’t want anyone else to.

I swallow down the moment of self-pity and focus forward.

I stand backstage, watching Tainted Knights tear it up. They are good, and I overhear Xavier and Taelyn’s conversation about wishing they had found them before they were already signed.

“We’re fans.” Taelyn smiles.

“Yeah,” Xavier says, continuing to watch them. “Emma, she’s gonna keep them straight, right?”

“She’s good, Xavier.” She nudges him. “She’ll keep them straight.”

“Good, ’cause we’ve got our hands full.” He chuckles, running his hands through his hair. “Full of ass-kicking talent and testosterone.”

“Memphis and Billy are settled in nicely,” she says as he wraps his arm around her waist.

“Yeah, but Finn went off the fucking rails.” He sighs.

I feel like I’m eavesdropping when I’m really not trying. Then again, they aren’t being all that quiet, and they are right next to me.

I see Taelyn look over at me then look back at him. “I think he’ll be fine.”

I act like I don’t see her.

“Sonya needs a nickname.” I hear Tally laughing from behind me.

I look back and smile at the entire band walking toward me.

“She’s Yah-Yah.” Finn smirks.

I notice immediately his eyes are a little mucky before I look away, trying to focus on my phone, but I can’t ignore the weight of his eyes or the way that weight affects me.

Tainted Knights finishes their last song and the crowd roars. They love them.