“There was a fire?”

Annoyance crept into his tone. “Yes, there was a fire. I would suggest you come by and….”

I hung up and tossed my cell phone aside. My feet hit the floor in a mad rush to change into clothes that wouldn’t cause frostbite. Tugging on a sweatshirt, I grabbed my keys and wallet off the dresser. Without a car, I had no other option than to wake up Andrew. I took the stairs two at a time and barged into his room.

“There was a fire at my apartment building. Will you drive me?” I asked frantically.

Andrew immediately sprung into action. He rolled out of bed, slipped into jeans and a t-shirt within a five second time frame. If I weren’t overrun with panic, it would have been impressive. We were out the door moments later.

Andrew sprinted ahead of me. “Did the management company say how bad it was?”

“No. I hung up before he got to that part but I’m guessing it’s not good.”

“True.”

We climbed into his car and roared off into the early morning dawn. My body felt like a coiled spring, ready to snap at a moment’s notice. I glanced at the speedometer, which straddled the line between seventy-five and eighty miles per hour. Andrew white knuckled the steering wheel.

“Why does the universe hate me?” I said more to myself than to him. “I got good grades in high school, helped old ladies cross the street, and am an overall a kind person.”

“The universe doesn’t hate you,” Andrew soothed. “Shit happens.”

“I’m sick of shit happening. I was subjected to a childhood of neglect, found my mother dead, my only other family member stole from me, a drug dealer wants my head on a platter and now everything I own might be in a pile of ashes.” Anger bubbled to the surface and I smacked my palm against the dashboard. The same palm still wrapped in three layers of gauze. A hot white pain snacked up my arm. “FUCK!”

Andrew didn’t flinch. He acted as always the calm in the middle of a hurricane and smartly chose to remain silent. Reaching across the gearshift, he showed me his support by resting his hand on top of my thigh. Somehow, the tranquil energy he exuded seeped into my pores. Until I saw the plume of smoke rising high in the sky.

“Please tell me that is a figment of my imagination,” I said.

His voice was grave as he spoke. “I’m afraid it’s not.”

Trepidation churned in my stomach, as we got closer to the scene of the fire. Once the car turned the corner on Rose Avenue, chaos spilled from the sidewalks. People lined up behind a police barrier, gross fascination written on their faces. Fire trucks were parked haphazardly in the street; their hoses lay limp and used. Men dressed in forty-five pounds of gear helped occupants of my apartment building to ambulances, while some were already laid out on stretchers, oxygen masks strapped to their mouths. I yanked open the door before the car came to a resting stop. I heard Andrew scream my name but my legs kept running. Ducking underneath the police barrier, smoke curled into my lungs. The building that stood for the independence I’d sought for and won was a shell of itself. Broken windows, charred black brick and a singed awning was all that was left.

“Excuse me,” I waved my arms to catch the attention of a fireman.

He glanced over at me with soot smudged over his left eyebrow.

“When can I go back inside my apartment?”

He barked out a harsh laugh. “Honey, the building is about to fall down any minute. Nobody is allowed in there unless they have a death wish.”

“But everything I own is in there….”

“Yeah? Join the club.”

Tears pressed against my eyelids. Growing up, I had very little but what I did have was cherished like the ratty teddy bear my mom had given me for my third birthday, the deck of cards Monica had stolen from the corner liquor store, the stack of magazines in my closet, and the ruby ring from Sumiko’s dad the day I became his stepdaughter. Heart wrenching didn’t describe how I felt about never seeing any of it again.

The fireman’s radio crackled. He listened and then beckoned me to step back. “I need you to go behind the barrier.”

“Wait!” My cracked voice mirrored how my insides were. “What happened? How did this fire start?”

“There will be a investigation, but until then I can’t tell you anything.”

An investigation meant foul play. Would Big Ted be crazy enough to set an apartment building on fire and risk hundreds of lives just to hammer his message home further? The answer to that question terrified me.

The fireman nudged my feet toward the barrier. “Please Ma’am, I really need you to clear this area.”

I resisted, my head spinning. “But….”

“Come on Haven….” Andrew materialized behind me and clasped his hands around my upper arms. “Let’s go.”

I struggled against his hold. This couldn’t be real. My eyes fluttered closed and then re-opened. The nightmare remained and hysteria clawed its way up my throat. I needed to get my stuff out of my apartment. It was illogical and plain crazy but that was the sole thought running through my head. Big Ted had taken away my mother, my sister, and now the home I had built for myself. I couldn’t let him win. A burst of adrenaline freed me of my restraints. The fireman yelled and rushed toward me, as the building grew closer. Hot air burned my eyes as the sour smell of gasoline wafted underneath my nose. I dodged a citizen in a hero’s disguise. I was so close I could touch the stairs leading to the front door. The ground reached up—falling—falling. My head smacked against the cement. Stars burst in front of my eyes. Blood coated my tongue and I spit out the metallic taste. Ruby red stained the ground. The fight left my body as Andrew scooped me into his arms and carried me to safety.

“I just wanted my stuff,” I explained against his t-shirt.

“I know.”

“But everything is gone.” The tears that were contained spilled down my cheeks. “Everything. Why?” I moan. “Why?”

Andrew tightened his hold as my misery soaked into his clothes. A fireman removed the barrier and we stepped into the crowd. A load rumble shook the earth and without looking, I knew the building had collapsed, taking with it the ugly and beautiful reminders of my past.

I am reborn. I am nothing.

Climbing into Andrew’s bed, I pulled the duvet over my body. I wanted to disappear into a dreamless sleep and wake up to an alternate reality. In the dim light, Andrew removed his shirt and slipped in next to me.

“Come here,” he opened his arms. “You’re shaking like a leaf.”

Like two puzzle pieces, our torsos molded together. I sighed as his warmth seeped into my bones. Andrew stroked my back in lazy circles and I cuddled up to him closer.

“You can stay here as long as you like,” he said. “My house is yours.”

His house wasn’t mine. My house had a bipolar stove while his was top of the notch, I had laundry in the basement, and he had laundry in the hall closet. The differences were endless. Nonetheless, I appreciated the sentiment but as soon as my debt was paid off, I would find a new place to live. I wasn’t my mother.

My mouth stretched into a yawn. “Thanks, but no thanks.”

“Why?”

“Because I like having a home to call my own.”

“Didn’t you have that when you were younger?” Andrew asked.

“Kind of, but those houses I lived in were exactly that, houses. They weren’t my home. There were never any family photos hanging on the wall, knick-knacks thrown into drawers, or discarded shoes by the entryway. They were empty and sad like my mother.”

“How ‘bout when you moved in with Sumiko and her father?”

“Same thing, except I then had Sumiko, my partner in crime.” A ghost of a smile lifted my lips. “Once, we wanted to add color to the house because we thought it was too white. With our savings, we bought cans of brightly colored paint. When her father got home that night, our bedroom was painted fuchsia pink while the bathroom was orange.”