The doorbell rang and I ambled to the front door to let Shelby in. She waltzed into the living room and set a bag of Czech pastries filled with sausage on the table along with two large cups of coffee, and plopped onto the couch.

“Okay, you have to tell me what happened with Brett last night.” Shelby stared at me.

I could feel myself wither under her gaze. “What?”

“What do you mean what?” Shelby insisted.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Sophie, I’m sorry. I should never have let you be alone with him. God, I am the worst friend! I will never forgive myself. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m a little hungover, but I’m okay. Why? What do you mean?”

“Sophie, Brett is, well, how should I say this? Brett is, he is, well, he plays in a different league, and I should have warned you about that.”

My heart sank. “What do you mean he plays in a different league? You don’t think I’m good enough for him? I told you I was too old for those stupid boys, Shelby!”

Shelby stifled a chuckle. “No, Sophie, it’s not that! In fact, Brett likes older women. It’s just that he likes lots of women. He has a lot of experience with a lot of older women. I just don’t think it’s your scene, honey.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think you really have to trust me on this. He’s just a guy who’s fun to hang out and have a drink with, but you don’t want to get mixed up with him. The stuff he’s into, it’s kinda seedy. That’s all.”

“What do you know about it?”

“Truly I don’t know much. Why? What happened between you two?”

“Nothing,” I lied. “But he asked me if I wanted to go to a BDSM club with him sometime. Do you know what that is?”

“Oh Lord, Sophie, that’s some of that kinky stuff, like bondage, whips, and chains. S & M and junk like that. Like, he might parade you in there on all fours, wearing nothing but a collar and a leash or something crazy like that. What did you say?” Shelby’s eyes looked like they might bulge out of her head.

“I told him no, of course.”

“Yeah, that would go over real big at your divorce hearing.”

“I hadn’t thought of that!”

“Well, I’ve been through it twice so I thought of it. I’d better give you the name of my divorce lawyer. You know my mother got me the best one in Tarrant County.”

I nodded. “I’m not sure if I really want a divorce…”

Shelby shot me a look.

“Okay, I do. It just seems so final.”

Shelby patted my hand and looked me in the eye. “I know, honey, I do. But that’s the point.”

As soon as Shelby left, I took my laptop into the bedroom, piled up on the bed with Felix, and began to research BDSM.

I hadn’t intended to cheat on my husband, but I had gotten swept up in the moment, and I had mixed feelings about my encounter with Brett.

On one hand, I told myself that I hadn’t had sex with Brett so I didn’t have anything to be ashamed of. On the other, that felt as dishonest as when politicians say they smoked but didn’t inhale. What I’d done was certainly sexual, even if it wasn’t intercourse.

Whatever sort of sex it was, the dynamics of it made me feel ashamed. But it was that very shamefulness that made it so hot and made me want to replay the incident over and over again in my mind.

How did he know how wet I would be? How was he so confident that my body would respond in that way? That confidence he showed made me quiver under his touch. Made me swoon.

When he ordered me to place my hands on the car in a public parking lot so he could strip me down and have his way with me… Why had I gone along with his wishes? It had to be more than the alcohol coursing through my bloodstream, because what followed had been one of the most erotic experiences of my entire life. Completely surrendering like that for him to pleasure me, to control me, had been an amazing experience unlike anything else.

Brett’s words rang in my ears. I’m going to take care of you. I know what you need.

He played my body perfectly and made me climax like my husband of six years never had, though I had only known him for a couple of hours. The memory left me breathless. At the same time, it was confusing. Brett didn’t know me as a person, it was only sex. Not a relationship. And that was the part I didn’t like. It made me uncomfortable to be that vulnerable with someone I didn’t have a bond with.

My stuffy Protestant upbringing and religious beliefs had me feeling guilty about what I’d done. But then I remembered all the times Spencer came home smelling of another woman’s perfume, and my guilt morphed back into defiance and anger. Why the hell wasn’t I entitled to an orgasm? The notion that I now had my own secret to keep from Spencer made me feel better. Like, I too could play that little game of adultery.

Then, interrupting my self-analysis, I found a seriously kinky website and clicked “enter.”

This was a site where people were into things that were wilder than I’d ever dreamed of. My eyeballs were glued to the screen as I clicked and scrolled through it, experiencing illicit thrills as I read some of the passages on the site. Some of it sickened me, but some of it turned out to be downright arousing. And after looking around for a while, I realized I was intrigued by the idea of being submissive to a man.

Though my husband Spencer required a variety of partners, his taste in sex was relatively tame. He occasionally switched positions in bed, but other than that he was fairly straightforward in his lovemaking. I had never had a partner dominate me the way the people on the website described. The closest I’d come to that was the way Brett treated me. In my daily life, I tried to be an assertive woman, though I had to admit I could probably do a better job standing up to Spencer. I’d been brought up to believe that women were equal to men. I even had friends who had taken the “obey” portion out of their wedding vows.

So it confused me to be aroused by a man dominating me. Regardless, I became addicted to the website. I spent the entire weekend reading it and making “friends.” I joined the forums and checked the discussion boards several times a day to read other people’s thoughts. I relished hearing about others’ experiences with the Dominant/submissive lifestyle. I didn’t dare comment myself. Instead, I lurked along the sidelines, living vicariously through the other group members’ experiences.

Until I saw his post.

CHAPTER FIVE

It was a post from a Dominant talking about using hot wax with one of his subs. The way he talked about it caught my attention. He sounded mature, intelligent, and there was a sensual ring to his words that impressed me beyond what I’d read by most Doms.

Intrigued, I visited his personal page, where he mentioned that, for potential submissives who were interested, he was available for cyber-training. I clicked on the CYBER-TRAINING link at the top of the page.

I believe cyber to be an effective training tool. It centers on the submissive, and is tailored to what she needs to grow and explore her submissiveness. I can provide many games, tasks, and challenges if you have a craving to expand your journey and find the true freedom that comes from submitting. Share with me your needs, wants, and desires, and I will send you a variety of games or tasks to gauge if cyber-training is something you want to explore.

The moment I read this, butterflies took flight in my stomach, even though I had no idea what the hell cyber-training exactly entailed. Online training? That sounded long distance. I would never have to meet the person. Something I could do without breaking my marriage vows, technically. Okay, maybe that was pushing it, but it wouldn’t be the same as sleeping with someone in real life. His post gave me a lot to think about.