“You don’t have to,” he said, straightening the tie in the mirror. “Hopefully it’ll just be an in and out type of thing.” He smirked at me as I dropped my towel. “Kind of like I’d like to be in and out of you right now.”

I laughed, shaking my head. “No. You have to go, and you’re all cleaned up and handsome. Plus, what if I want to go with you?” I stepped into a pair of panties and hooked my bra.

“You’d do that . . . for me?”

I looked up at him. He sounded so . . . insecure. “Yes, Johnny. Aren’t you here, on tour, for me? Isn’t this part of being ‘more?’”

He smiled. He did it so rarely that it took my breath away every time he did. “I guess it is. Okay, come with me. You can meet my parents while we’re there.”

The breath whooshed from my lungs. Meet his parents? “You want me to meet your parents?”

Johnny shrugged. “Well, they’re going to be there. So, yeah. I want them to meet my girl.”

My girl.

He was quiet on the way to the courthouse. I’d never been to Denver before, so looking out the windows as we drove intrigued me. His fingers were wrapped with mine, but he didn’t speak. I wanted to ask him why he’d been in prison but realized it wasn’t the time or place with a cab driver in the front seat. Plus, I’d figure it out soon enough. I was honored that he trusted me enough not only to let me in on something major from his past, but also that he was ready for me to meet his family.

He helped me out of the car when it stopped at the curb. I craned my neck back to look at the large building, it’s massive stone structure looking intimidating. As we walked hand-in-hand to the doors, Johnny stopped just before we walked in.

“Are you okay?”

He pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug. It wasn’t often that we touched like this, but I liked his hard body pressed against mine in a non-sexual way. “Thank you for being here with me.”

I kissed him lightly, feeling the energy coming off of him in waves. He was petrified. I’d never seen him like this, and it was unnerving. “Why are you worried? What happens if they say no today?”

“I’m not worried,” he said, shrugging. “But I just want this part of my life over with. I want to move on and not always look over my shoulder.”

Look over his shoulder about what? What part of his life? I had way more questions than I had answers, but now wasn’t the time. “Come on,” I said. “I’m right here with you. Let’s make this courthouse our bitch.”

He smiled again, and I figured it was a win.

I sat behind Johnny on the hard bench, watching as he whispered to his attorney. The last time I’d been in a courtroom, it had been when I’d been kicked out of yet another foster home and the judge was reviewing my case. He’d lectured me about being ‘adoptable’ and straightening up. I’d decided right then and there that I didn’t want a new family and that the only person I could ever rely upon was myself.

The door opened, and I turned to see a striking man and woman that must be Johnny’s parents walking into the room. They were both dressed to the nine’s, and I could tell right away that he resembled his dad. Their mouths were firm as they approached him. He turned and caught my eye, his intense gaze making me squirm.

His parents must’ve noticed him looking at me because I felt their gaze on me next.

“John, Aileen, this is Bexley. She’s the lead singer of Jaded Regret.”

I noticed he didn’t call me his girlfriend, his hook-up, or his ‘more.’ It didn’t bother me, but I noticed it. If they were shocked to see that the lead singer of a band was there for their son at a hearing to expunge his record, they didn’t show it.

“Nice to meet you,” his mom said first, offering her hand. I took it, wondering if she was judging my piercing or my appearance the way moms did. Well, the way I thought moms did.

“You too,” I said back.

His dad nodded at me and shook my hand briefly before turning to Johnny and the attorney. His mom slid in next to me, and I jiggled my leg nervously at the proximity of her. Not only didn’t I have any idea how to be a girlfriend/partner/whatever we were, but also I had no idea how to relate to someone’s mom. I’d never been around anyone for any significant amount of time that resembled a parental figure. My foster homes sure as shit didn’t count.

Just when I thought I might burst with nervous energy, the judge appeared in the room. Everyone stood. As we took our seats, Johnny looked back at me again and winked.

His attorney got up and spewed a bunch of legal jargon I didn’t understand. But when I heard the words “drugs”, “drug ring” and “trafficking”, I sat up straight. My heart pounded and the room spun. No. Johnny hadn’t been a drug dealer. I knew he was saying something else, but I couldn’t process anything else.

Johnny had been in prison for drugs. He’d trafficked drugs and gotten caught. He’d somehow gotten out of prison and now wanted his record wiped clean. How was that even possible? Did his parents have so much clout that they got him out of paying his dues?

How many lives had he ruined? How many little boys or girls had lost their parents because he supplied them with drugs? How many lives had he taken at the hands of a deal gone bad?

Spots appeared in front of my eyes. I had to get out of here. I’d been fucking this guy who was probably a lifelong criminal and murderer, just like my dad. He probably didn’t care how many people he’d killed or ruined as long as he got his money.

Just. Like. My. Dad.

The man that was supposed to protect me but had thrown my life away for drugs. He hadn’t fed me because doing drugs and selling them had been more important. He’d gotten himself locked up because his lifestyle was more important than me.

I was the most fucking stupid person on this planet. No wonder he hadn’t told me all of his past. I stood, causing his mother to look up at me. I somehow forced a smile on my face. “Bathroom.” She nodded and moved her legs so I could pass. I felt Johnny turn to look at me, but I couldn’t look back at him.

I had no idea how I made it out of the room, but I took off running once the doors shut behind me. He was a fucking monster. Don’t think about all that you told him. Don’t think about the ways he got to you. Don’t think, Bex. Run. Just run away and remember. Never do this again.

I saw a bathroom at the end of the hallway and burst through the door, barely making it into the stall before I lost everything I’d eaten in the last day. My hands shook as I held my hair back, throwing up and gagging way beyond there being anything left in my stomach.

Tears leaked from my eyes. I told myself it was from throwing up but I knew that was a lie. I’d felt something for him without even knowing who he really was. I’d been duped. Betrayed.

“Get a fucking grip,” I said, wiping the evidence from my eyes. “The hell if you’ll let someone else have power over your feelings. Grow the fuck up, Bex. This isn’t your first rodeo.”

I flung the stall door open so hard it slammed back loudly. I washed my hands and rinsed out my mouth. Looking at myself in the mirror, I set my jaw at my reflection. “Let this be a lesson,” I said to myself. “This is what happens when you get involved, Bex. You learned a long time ago not to let anyone close to you. You’ll never have a life like everyone else. Now stop being a pussy and walk out of here with your head held high. Forget that you ever met a fucker named Johnny who turned out to be a drug dealer.”

Satisfied, I slid on my sunglasses and walked out of the courthouse, shoving Johnny in the box in my head along with my dad, the fucker that had raped me, and the pain from losing Gibson. I had to fucking lose that key so I stopped adding more shit to it.