I step into the satin black dress that has hung in the back of my closet for months. My heart hurts at the fact that it's now that this dress has to be worn. I reach behind me to secure the zipper and curse when I’m not able to pull it all the way up.

"Dammit. Can't anything go right?" I mutter to myself.

"Want me to zip it for you?" Hale's voice breaks through my thoughts. He's leaning against the door frame wearing his dress blues, his brown eyes are shining bright. He's freshly showered and smells delicious.

"Yeah, I can't get the zipper all the way up," I whisper. I'm overwhelmed and dreading today. I wish it wasn't another heartache that brought Hale truly back into my life.

Walking up behind me, his fingers clasp the zipper at the base of my back and my body responds immediately. The shivers course through my body as his fingers trail up my spine. Pulling the zipper to the top, he wraps his arms around my body, and pulls me towards him. His body fits perfectly with mine, like we're perfectly in sync with the other. I feel his lips trail up my neck, to the sensitive spot behind my ear.

"It'll be okay, Em. Let's be strong for Nan," he whispers against my ear.

Pulling up to the funeral home, my nerves are shot. Seeing the tall, looming building spread out before me broke the dam that I had been trying so hard to keep closed. I cover my mouth as the sobs rack my body, my chest feeling tight and constricted. Great, the start of a panic attack. I hadn't had these since I thought Hale was dead. I feel his hand capture mine. He threads his fingers through mine, tightening his grip. Reassuring himself or me? Bringing my hand to his lips, he sweeps them across in the gentlest caress I've ever felt from Hale. His touch alone puts my body at ease. Closing my eyes and leaning my head back against the headrest, I take deep breaths, gathering myself before saying, "We have to go in. I don't want to, but we have to. It's just so final... Knowing that when we walk out of there it's over. I miss her so much Hale. I miss being able to tell her all my problems and I miss her advice. I don't know what I'm going to do. I feel like it’s just the beginning." Leaning over the armrest he pulls me into his arms. I bury my face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent. Some things never change.

Hale

I wish more than anything in the world I could take this pain away from her, fuck. I wish I could carry it all for her and she would never have to feel it again. As we sit here on these pews, her tucked against my side and her sobs ringing out to the church, my heart aches. If there was ever anyone that could bring me to my knees, it’s her. The preacher walks to the podium and you can practically feel the sadness as it settles over the room. The only sounds to be heard are soft sobs coming from the people scattered across the room. Clutching Ember tighter, I kiss the top of her head and whisper how much I love her. Sometimes it feels like the world is against us, but we’re fucking determined to make it through. The pastor preaches about life and death, about life after death, and about how blessed we are to live the life we do. He’s right, we are blessed to be alive, but you shouldn’t have to fight so hard for happiness. My sweet girl shouldn’t have to fight to feel happiness in her life. All that surrounds us is heartache and tragedy. From this day forward I’ll give my last breath to bring that happiness back into her life.

Ember

Sitting in Nan’s living room after the funeral, I greet everyone who has come to pay their respects and bring sympathy food. That’s what you do in a small town: everyone will make a dish and bring it over, offering their condolences and homemade pie like it’s the answer to all your prayers. I’m exhausted and my body is close to shutting down, but B has been an angel sent from above for helping me with everything. She has organized all the casseroles and pies that have been brought, entertained the guests and been the best host. I literally don’t know what I would’ve done without her. The saying is true; blood isn’t always thicker than water. That girl has been my best friend since we were babies and she has never once betrayed me, and never once talked about me while my back was turned. Sure, we have our fights, but it’s over as soon as it starts. I can count on her to be there in any situation at any time. Those are the friends you want.

Hale hasn’t left my side since we left the house this morning. I could tell being in the church made him antsy. His body was tense and he was constantly glancing at the exits. The thought alone brings tears to my eyes. My beautiful man has been through so much. I think of my problems and compare them to his and there isn’t even anything to compare. I know he’s battling things I can’t even imagine and I know Nan’s death was hard on him too, she practically raised him.

“Ember, honey I am so sorry about your Nan. She was a great woman. Now, you let us know if there is anything that we can do!” I look up to see Mrs. Martha, the town librarian, standing in front of me. Her pink two piece suit stands out in a sea of black and momentarily, a smile graces my face. Leave it to Mrs. Martha to stand out.

“Thank you very much Mrs. Martha. Nan would appreciate you being here,” I recite for the hundredth time. She reaches down to hug me, and like a robot I respond. It feels like I’m going through the motions. It’s not that I don’t appreciate everyone’s kindness; I would just prefer to mourn alone right now. I lean back against the couch and rub my temples, trying to massage the ache that has formed.

“You need some Advil, baby?” Hale wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me to him, placing a kiss to the spot I was just rubbing. It’s feel like we can pick right back up where we left off and not feel a hint of awkwardness. I shake my head and lean into him. His dress blues feel stiff against my face, but my body relaxes against him.

“I think I just need to go lie down. I’m exhausted Hale. I need a moment to be alone and rest.”

I kiss his cheek and rise, making my way around the room to thank everyone and offer goodbyes. Walking up to B, I find her locked in conversation with Nashville, both speaking in hushed tones, but obviously in an argument. Tiptoeing forward I say, “Sorry to interrupt guys, I just wanted to tell you I’m going to lie down. I have a really bad headache.” B looks at me sympathetically, “No problem babe, go lay down I have everything handled. I love you.” She pulls me into a hug and I tuck my face into her neck, wrapping my arms around her small frame. “I love you too B. Thank you for all your help.” I mean it more than anything. Today would have been a disaster without her and Hale here to help.

I pull away from her and turn to give Nash a quick hug too. I’m not sure what these two have going on, but I sure hope that they fix it. I think they’re good for each other. B’s head is always in the clouds and she needs someone to help keep her grounded. That’s why I’m the conservative one in our friendship. After making my rounds I finally head up the worn, creaky stairs to my old room. I look around and nothing has changed. Nan said she could never take any of it down because this would always be my home no matter how old I was. I sit on the twin bed and look around at the walls of all the memories that sit in front of me. Pictures of high school dances, birthday parties, awards from school, and of course hundreds of pictures of Hale and I. Just seeing him back in town, living in his old house and knowing why he’s here right now causes pain in my heart. Even though I have wished and prayed for so long for God to bring him back to me, even when things seemed hopeless, I can’t help but question if his heart is truly in it. He’s gone from hot to cold and I just can’t keep up. I don’t expect him to act like he was never gone, and I don’t expect him to open like a book for me. I know it’ll be hard, but I know it’ll be worth it. I truly believe our love could survive anything. Reaching down I remove the black six inch heels that B insisted I wear with this dress. Not only is my head pounding, but my feet are sore and aching. Tossing the shoes aside I see the overnight bag B packed for me on the old cherry oak dresser. I rise from the bed and gingerly walk over to it, wincing with each step. I hate heels; I swear I’m not meant to be a female.