I know why she feels that way and God I wish I didn’t have to be the one to make my Sweet Girl hurt, but that’s the point. I am poison and I will do nothing but hurt her, destroy her. I love her enough to let her go; to give her what she would never ask of me. If hurting her makes her move on then I have to do it, even if it kills me in the process.

“Ember, I’m only going to say this once. I am not the boy you used to know. You need to turn around and walk right back out of that door. Turn around, walk back to your car and go home. Don’t come back here. I know you don’t understand that and I’m sorry, but I promise it is what’s best for you. Forget about me and move on with your life. I know life has dealt you a shitty hand, but you need to move forward and be happy. I made a mistake showing up at the club and a bigger one showing my face at the recital. That’s what it was, a mistake.” I see the hurt on her face. It’s cruel, but if it’s the only way to get her to leave then so be it.

“How can you do this to me?” She screams, picking up an old tool and throwing it at me. “How could you stand there and say those things to me after I mourned you? I have lived the past three years in a constant state of heartache mourning you. And you tell me to forget about you? To move on? Are you fucking insane, Hale Jarreau!? You’ve lost your fucking mind! They told me you were DEAD, Hale! DEAD. I wept on your casket before they lowered you into the ground. How are you standing here?”

I see another tool flying towards me so I duck, the pliers barely missing my forehead.

“Stop it, Ember Ann. Stop it right now! Fuck! Stop! This is the way that it’s going to be and you best accept it, do you hear me? I’m not fucking playing, Ember. Do you want to know what I’VE been through?” I yell at her, hitting my chest. “Do you think it was a walk in the park? My entire squad was killed. I watched them blown to pieces in front of me while I was gagged and forced to my knees to watch! MY brothers! The only family I’ve ever known! You don’t know what the fuck I have been through! You were the only thing that kept me alive Ember. The only thing that kept me breathing in breath after breath, but you know what? You buried your love in that coffin and that’s where he’s going to stay. I’m not that man anymore and I hope you realize it. The shit I’ve seen, the shit I’ve been through, it changed me. I’m sorry it hurts you, I truly am, but I am not the man that you knew. I’m sorry.” I whisper the last words, trying to get my breathing under control. She sinks to the floor in front of me, her body shaking with sobs.

“I can’t believe you’re here. God, Hale I love you! I love you so fucking much. How can you say this to me? It feels like I’m losing you all over again. Why are you torturing me this way? What did I do to deserve this heartbreak over and over?” Her chest heaves with every word. I’m worried if she keeps on she’s going to be sick.

“Ember, pick the phone up and call Blayr. Tell her you need her and go home. I want you to take these pieces I have already left behind and put them back together. I want you to go to school, finish your dancing and find a man to make you happy. I am not that man, Ember. I am not him. I’m sorry. Things have changed and you have to understand that. I will destroy you. I will be like poison in your veins. I’m fucked up. My heart is black and cold. I’m sorry.”

Wiping her nose and face on the back of her hand, she looks at me. “You know what, Hale? You can tell me your heart is black and cold, but I know that’s a lie. I have loved you my entire life. From the moment I laid eyes on you, I loved you with a love so deep and fierce that it consumed me. It consumes me every day. I’m listening to all that you’re telling me, but I don’t believe a word coming out of your fucking mouth. I don’t know how you can sit here and tell me that you don’t love me anymore. It’s bullshit. I have loved you through it all, even DEATH! I am still here, fighting for you. I will always fight for you. I’ll take on the entire world if it means it’ll save you. I’ll even take on you. I won’t let you do this to yourself. So you sit here, you work on your cars, and I’ll go back to my house. But don’t you think for a fucking second that I’ll forget you and move on. I love you. I loved you when I was six years old, I loved you when I thought you were buried in the ground, and I’ll love you even if you won’t love me back. I’ll love you even when you don’t love yourself. Push me away all you want, but I’ll fight for you till MY last breath. Until I am dead in that ground.”

With those last words my black heart crumbles into pieces. I thought there was nothing left inside me but revenge, hate and vengeance, but there she is. In the deepest, darkest part of my heart, refusing to let go.

Standing up from the floor she turns on her heel and walks toward the door, grabbing the handle. She stands there, pausing briefly and turns around. “I’m going to walk away right now, Hale, but I won’t give up on you. This isn’t the end. I’ve survived the last three years without you, I’ll survive this. I’m so disappointed and heartbroken right now. It may be true that you aren’t the same person you used to be, but you will always be the man that I love. The man that held me when I fell out of a tree and broke my arm; the man that wiped my tears and kissed all my hurt away when my life was falling apart around me. I can’t forget that Hale. I can’t forget those moments and it’s cruel for you to ask me to try.” Opening the door, she slams it shut behind her, and she’s gone.

With that, I sink to the floor, my head in my hands, and for the first time in my life I cry.

Ember

Walking back to the car my entire body hurts with the pain I just received. My body feels like it took physical blows. Hale is alive. I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that he is alive, standing 100 feet from me. My heart aches for the things he has been through. My sweet, brave man has been through more in his life than any soul should ever have to endure. He’s pushing me away to protect me. I know him better than he knows himself. Whatever he is going through, he wants to shield me from. He’s spent our entire childhood trying to protect and defend me. It’s time someone did it for him.

I make it to my car and climb inside. Resting my forehead on the steering wheel, I take some deep breaths. I have to get home before I let these tears out. I can’t sit in Nan’s driveway and cry all night. Starting the car, I back out of the driveway and pull onto the highway. There are so many thoughts running through my head. Why would he hide from me? How can he even be alive? I’m mourning the man I’ve lost, the man that has been tortured and almost killed. I’m mourning for the pain that he has had to endure. I’m mourning for the innocent love that was so unfairly stolen from us.

I have been a lot of things and I have been through a lot in my life, but now is the time to be strong. It’s time to gather enough strength for both of us, and it’s time to get back the man that I desperately love. Nothing in life worth having comes easy. I told him I would fight for him, and I’ll fight till my last breath.

Part Three:

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soulmate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life."

-- Elizabeth Gilbert