“Evie,” he said, his voice so low and so sad. “You can’t keep doing this.”

   “Doing what?”

   “Giving things up for us. Rearranging your life for us. It’s not fair to you.” His back was to me and I was facing away from him, but the tension in the room was zipping between us like lightening.

   “It’s really not a big deal,” I said as I turned my attention back to the lunches I was preparing. Just like every other time since I’d met him, his rejection hurt me in a way I didn’t like to acknowledge. I knew Devon cared about me, knew from the moment we met I was important to him, but I felt differently for him and I always had.

   “Are you sure?” he asked, even though his tone made it clear he wasn’t.

   “What other choice do we have?” My work was very much fluid and I was my own boss. I had no one to answer to besides my clients. Devon worked for a corporate conglomerate and the chances of him coming home early were slim. He’d taken a lot of time off when Liv had been sick, and then again when she had died, and even though his job was understanding to a point, he’d used up all the time allotted to him for the death of his wife and had none to spare. There was a long pause, and the silence was filled with so much angst and emotion. Perhaps, and most likely, I was the only one feeling everything between us. After all, that was usually the way it worked. I watched from afar with a veil over my real emotions, only letting the outside see what I wanted to show, while on the inside I was waging a war I never wanted to fight. What other option did we have? I’d had a thousand options. But I gave them all up when I decided to bury my emotions.

   “All right,” he finally sighed. “But this is the last time, Evelyn.”

   Something dangerous rolled through my body when he used my full name. Just another feeling to bury.

   I turned my head just enough to meet his eyes over my shoulder. I smiled at him. He didn’t return it, just stared at me over his cup of coffee. Before either of us looked away, two small children came bounding into the kitchen, running directly to their father.

   “Dad, Jax didn’t change his underwear,” Ruby tattled as she wrapped her arms around her father’s middle. I smiled at the image and then turned again to the lunches.

   “Jax, did you put on clean underwear?” Devon’s fatherly tone indicated he already knew the answer to his question.

   “I looked in my drawer and there was none.”

   “Shit,” Devon murmured. “I forgot to do the laundry again.”

   “Jaxy, I think I put a load in the dryer yesterday afternoon. Why don’t you go check?” I held my breath, knowing Devon would view this as me doing too much. I couldn’t help it. He needed my help. I listened as Ruby told her father about the tigers she was learning about in school, and as she jabbered, he inserted the appropriate responses.

   I turned to watch Jax run through the kitchen on his way back upstairs as he yelled, “Found some!” and waved his clean underwear over his head.

   Breakfast was served, lunches were packed, and as Ruby, Jax, and I sat at the table laughing at something Jax had said, Devon walked through the kitchen, stopping to kiss both of his children on the head as he passed.

   “Ruby, be good for Aunt Evie this afternoon, and Jax, I’ll pick you up from preschool on my way home.”

   “Bye, Daddy,” Ruby said with a smile.

   “Can we have pizza for dinner, Daddy?” Jax asked.

   With a laugh, Devon responded. “Yeah, buddy. We can have pizza. Love you both.”

   “Love you too. Bye, Dad,” Jax said, mouth full of pancake.

   “Thanks again, Evie. I’ll see you this evening.” His voice was back to being friendly, but his words were still a little cold. That made me feel guilty. I was trying to help him, but he wasn’t comfortable taking it from me.

   “Have a good day.” My voice was quiet and I didn’t bother looking at him. I knew what I’d see – a man who missed his wife.

Chapter Three

Last Day of Freshman Year

   “I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much alcohol in one place.” My eyes swept over the counter in the kitchen of the Beta house, which had been transformed into a temporary bar. At least fifty bottles of liquor were all lined up, and a few of the freshman Betas were manning them.

   “Betas take end of the school year extremely seriously,” Liv said, her voice already a little deep, her words slurred, the alcohol having its desired effect.

   “Ladies, welcome to our little get together.” My head turned toward the voice, and I smiled when I saw Elliot walking toward us. Since Liv and Devon had started seeing each other, we’d spent a lot of time at his house and I’d gotten to know quite a few of the brothers. I knew I was only accepted because I came with Liv, and without her, I would have been painfully out of place. However, a few of the guys genuinely seemed to like me, Elliot being one of them.

   “Hey,” I said, my smile brightening at his familiar face. “How’d finals go?”

   “Well,” he laughed, “I probably could have done better. My statistics class kicked my ass.”

   “But everything else went well?”

   “I think so.”

   “Elliot, what exactly are you going to do with a sociology degree?” Liv’s words were a little sharp, but he didn’t seem to pick up on her tone.

   He shrugged. “I’m not sure yet. I’ve still got another year to figure it out.” He gave her a wink with his answer, which made me smile, but didn’t amuse her.

   “See, that’s why I like Devon. He already has a plan. Business major then on to his master’s in business. His track is all laid out for him. None of this uncertainty you seem to thrive on.”

   It had become obvious to me as I watched Liv fall for Devon, that his ambition and direction in life was something she latched on to, something she admired. His strong current down the river of his life pulled her right along with him. They balanced each other out in that way. She had been a free bird. She did what she wanted, when she wanted – not to mention whom she wanted. Now, she was his free bird and she followed him around. As long as she was with him, she felt like she had direction.

   “I’ll figure it out eventually,” Elliot said, not unkindly. In fact, he’d never taken an annoyed or angry tone with Liv. Not even when she’d been completely out of line. That was one thing I really liked about him. “How about you, Evie?” His eyes found mine, his smile still friendly. “How did your finals go?”

   I opened my mouth to answer, but Liv’s voice rang out before I had a chance.

   “Evie’s finals were a piece of cake because she was taking mostly art courses where all the answers are subjective. How do you feel about this painting? What did this sculpture make you feel?” Her voice was exaggerated and haughty, making a show out of impersonating my professors. She wasn’t far from the mark, I had found my finals kind of easy, but they were intro classes and hadn’t been too difficult to begin with.

   I laughed but then answered when she was finished.

   “I think I did all right.”

   “Well then, let’s get you a congratulatory drink.” He held his hand out to me and offered me his ridiculously cute smile and I found myself putting my hand in his before I gave it a second thought. He immediately palmed my hand and then twined our fingers together as he pulled me through the crowd gathered in front of the bar. As we got closer to the liquor, the crowd grew thicker, and I pulled myself closer to him, my front pressed up against his arm. It felt nice to have my body pressed up against a man.

   He made it right up to the counter and I saw his brothers nod at him in recognition. “Just get me a beer,” he said, and then turned back to me. “What’ll it be?” he asked, his lips moving closer to my ear. The movement of his breath on my skin sent prickles down my spine and I couldn’t ignore how much I liked the feeling of them.