He’d seen me and thought I was her. He’d forgotten his wife had died and he’d wrapped his arm around me like I was her. He held me for just a moment like he held the woman he loved. I was cracking on the outside. He could see it. He watched as I started to fall apart, but whatever he could see on the outside was only a small fraction of the destruction going on within me.

   A part of me had wondered what his hands felt like. For years. Ever since the day we’d met. Now I knew. Now I knew they were incredible.

   “I have to go,” I said quickly, turning and reaching for my purse on the table. “It’s two parts flour to three parts water.”

   “What?” he asked, confused.

   “The papier-mâché for Ruby’s mummy. Two parts flour to three parts water. Just dip the newspaper strips in the goop and cover the mummy. I have to go.” I fled the kitchen like a murderer escaping from the scene of a crime. I absolutely could not think about anything besides Devon’s hand covering my womb.

   I’d made it half way down the front porch steps when I heard his voice call out my name.

   “Evelyn, wait!”

   My feet stopped moving like the traitors they were. I stopped, but I did not turn around, could not see his face as he processed that he’d touched the wrong woman. The heat coming from his body alerted me that he was just inches away, this time on purpose.

   “Evie,” he whispered. I waited a beat, giving him a second to get his thoughts together, but when no more words came from him, I spoke.

   “It’s okay,” I said, my voice sounding so much stronger than I actually was. Inside I was crumbling.

   “No, it’s not. Please, don’t leave like this.”

   “It’s not a big deal.”

   “It is a big deal.”

   “It was a mistake. An accident.” It was true, but it didn’t make me feel any better.

   “The first time I kiss you shouldn’t be a mistake.” His voice was so quiet, the whisper barely even audible, but I heard it and I tucked it deep inside of me, hoping it was buried deep enough that it would never surface again.

   I made my feet press forward, made each foot step in front of the other until I made it to my car. Then I got in and I drove away.

   It was hours before I made it home. I’d spent the late evening driving as far from my town as I could get, trying to escape the feeling of my spirit being crushed, but after driving for two hours, I realized the feeling wasn’t attached to the town; it was attached to me. I turned around, stopped for gas, and pulled into my driveway around midnight.

   When I finally made it to bed, I couldn’t sleep. I lay there all night wondering what in the hell I was going to do, how I was going to proceed. I could pretend as if nothing had happened, but it had. I could pretend as though it meant nothing to me, but it meant everything. I could laugh about it, pretend like it was amusing, when actually it was devastating. The only thing clear after a night of tossing and turning was I would be doing a lot of pretending.

   However, that wasn’t something new for me.

Chapter Five

The Next Day - College

   “Why are you moving so quickly?” Liv groaned from her bed, the first intelligible words I’d heard from her all morning. Up until then, all I’d heard were groans and possible swear words. In the middle of the night, I’d woken her up enough to give her the water and the pain pills, but she seemed to be coming around now.

   “I’m meeting Elliot for breakfast in twenty minutes.”

   “What time is it?” She was speaking, but she wasn’t moving.

   “Nearly ten.”

   Another loud groan came from her bed.

   “Just go back to sleep. I’ll be back later.” I sat down on my bed, pulling on my ankle boots.

   “How’d I get back here anyway?”

   “Devon carried you,” I said, my snarky tone implying I didn’t approve of the method, still remembering the way his biceps were twitching by the time we got to our dorm. The way his arms were wrapped around her.

   “He carried me?”

   “Yeah, you were passed out.” I stood up and walked to the large mirror, which hung on the inside of my armoire. It wasn’t full-length, but it did a good enough job. I turned from one side to another, trying to inspect my outfit from all possible angles. I was wearing a cotton skirt that flowed down to my knees with a tank top. I pulled on my worn-soft jean jacket, knowing it wouldn’t be too warm outside yet. I flipped my blonde hair from the collar as I turned back to Liv. “Go back to sleep, Liv. You’re still drunk.”

   “You’re probably right,” she said from under her covers.

   “I’ll be back eventually. Then we seriously need to pack if we’re going to be ready to leave tomorrow morning.” Her groan was all the response I needed. I grabbed my purse and headed down the stairs to wait for Elliot. I’d been sitting on the bench in front of my dorm for what seemed like forever, about ready to call it quits and go back upstairs, when a big red pickup truck parked in front of the lawn. I watched as the window rolled down, Elliot’s face appearing from inside the cab, smile shining brightly.

   I couldn’t help the way my lips tipped up at his smile, and I didn’t try to stop it. It felt natural. As I walked toward his truck, I saw him come around the bed, looking just as cute as I remembered him.

   “Hey,” he said easily as he opened the passenger door for me. I looked up hesitantly, and then looked down at my skirt.

   “I didn’t dress for mountain climbing.” His truck was big.

   “Just step on the rail there and you should be fine.”

   “Oh,” I said, just noticing the little step seemingly made for situations just like the one I was in. “How convenient.”

   “If you’re gonna drive a truck this big, gotta make it skirt friendly,” he said with a wink. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes, laughing all the while. He shut my door then climbed up into the driver’s seat, started the truck, and pulled out onto the street.

   “How’s your roommate this morning?” he asked once we’d made it back onto the main road.

   “She’s as well as can be expected. Devon carried her the entire way home last night and she didn’t wake up once.”

   “That’s rough. Should we bring her back some greasy food?” He turned to look at me, waiting for my response, his expression soft and expectant. I felt the tiniest flutter of wings in my belly at his thoughtful gesture.

   “I’m sure she’d be really grateful,” I managed.

   We made small talk about classes and finals until he pulled into the parking lot of what looked like it might have been an abandoned building.

   “It doesn’t look like much, but this place has the best food in town. No one talks about it though because we don’t want the secret to get out.” His words were tumbling out of his mouth, right past the beautiful smile he’d been wearing since he picked me up and my cheeks heated with a blush as I thought about how good looking he was. He wasn’t rugged and he wasn’t tall or dark, but he was the typical All American, Boy Next Door, cute. I watched as he walked around the front of the truck, opened my door, then gasped a little as his hands grasped my waist, gently lifting me from the truck and depositing me safely on the ground.

   “Thank you,” I managed to whisper.

   “I’ll help you out of my truck any day, Evelyn.” I thought I’d reached the pinnacle of my blushing’s capabilities, but when his hand reached down and wrapped around mine, my face heated even more. Something about the way he was upfront with his feelings for me was undeniably attractive. He was so easy with me, so open. It was just as refreshing as it was unusual. I was used to guys playing cool and not paying me too much attention, which was frustrating. Elliot seemed to be transparent, which I couldn’t deny was attractive.