With that, she throws her door open and gets out of the car.

She’s hailing a cab by lifting her shirt. It works well enough, but the woman is fucking insane.

When she gets in the cab, she doesn’t get in the back, but the front seat. At least I know she’s getting home safe as I pull back into my lane and drive off. I just wished I’d spared myself the glance in the mirror, seeing her head dipping below the dashboard.

A few weeks ago, I would have told you that Wrigley was the perfect woman for me: no worries about monogamy, a little crazy, insatiable. Now, though. I don’t know.

There’s got to be something more to it than that.

I can’t believe that I’ve actually grown bored of a woman with a sex drive higher than mine.

I know I’m paying by the mile, but I drive around the city for a while. Most of the time, it’s stoplight after stoplight, waiting for that shade of green that means I can drive free for the next couple hundred feet before I have to stop again.

Every once in a while, though, I hit a few green lights in a row, and I start to let things go. I start to forget all the nonsense.

It never lasts.

I couldn’t tell you what brought me here now, but as I’m pulling into the parking lot of l’Iris for the very first time in a car driven under my own power, I know where I’m going. For the first time in a long time, I know where I’m going.

I’m through the back door and standing outside Jim’s office before anyone sees me.

That’s going to work to my benefit.

I knock.

“Come in.”

I open the door.

“Dane,” Jim says. “You’re not on tonight, are you? I thought Cannon was running the kitchen.”

“Yeah, I’m sure he’s running it through a wood chipper,” I tell him, “but that’s not why I’m here.”

“Okay,” he says and leans back in his chair. “Why are you here then?”

“Jim, I get that you’ve got to cut some spending, but you’ve kept me on this long. I know you don’t want to let me go.”

“Yeah, I told you that—”

“Just let me finish,” I say.

This is probably the most respectful I’ve ever been to my boss.

“Okay.”

“Jim, I don’t mean to sound like a clingy girlfriend or something, but I need to know where this is going. If you’re going to fire me, fire me now. I’m not just going to sit around and wait for it to happen. If you’re not going to fire me, well, I have a few ideas.”

He puts his hands together, interlocking his fingers.

“I’m listening,” he says.

“First,” I tell him, “we dump Cannon. I’m sorry Jim, but he’s just nowhere near good enough. Even when I am there pissing down his neck, he’s only ever half on, and you know that’s not anywhere near cutting it.”

“Dane, I don’t think firing Cannon is going to—”

“Next,” I interrupt, “we promote Wilks to executive chef and demote me—with pay decrease—to sous chef. He’s going to need me for guidance over the first couple of weeks, but he’s really one of the most talented guys I’ve ever worked with in this business. When he came in here, he didn’t know the difference between crème brûlée and a ramekin full of baked spunk, but within a week, he was up to speed. He doesn’t know everything we do just yet, but I know he can learn and he’s got some fresh ideas that I think will really bring the customers in and get them talking.”

“I get that you’re trying to save your own job, but putting one of your underlings up as executive chef isn’t going to get me to let him go instead of—”

“You won’t want to let him go,” I tell Jim. “You hire him on as executive chef and cut the pay of the position by twenty percent. It’s still going to be about double what he’s making, so I really don’t see him complaining.”

“I can’t have a sous chef making more than my executive,” Jim says, “that’s a steaming vat of resentment I’d prefer to keep out of my restaurant.”

“I know, Jim,” I tell him. “That’s why you keep my below what you give to Wilks. With Cannon gone and your head and sous chefs cut back on pay, you’re going to be saving a lot of money and I’m not out enough cash to screw things for me, either.”

“What’s the catch?” Jim asks, leaning forward. “You’ve never once said anything positive about Wilks. Why is he suddenly the golden boy? I don’t see what you get out of this.”

“I never told you about Wilks because, well, honestly, I didn’t want you to figure out that he’s better than I am and do exactly what I’m telling you to do now.”

“Why are you doing this?” Jim asks again.

“I want to keep my job,” I tell him. “I was getting a blowjob from this freak I’ve been nailing a few weeks in the parking lot of Yankee stadium—”

“Oh for fuck’s sake…”

“Just listen,” I tell him. “I started to realize that I’ve spent all my life trying to get that quick release, that instant gratification and it wasn’t until tonight that I realized that’s not really what I want. It’s never really been what I want, but that’s because I’m a coward. It’s just easier to take advantage of people than to put the best person forward and try to make things work with them.”

Jim laughs. “That must have been one terrible blowjob.”

“Actually it was fantastic. She does this thing with her tongue—pierced, by the way—where she’ll—”

“I got it, I got it,” Jim interrupts. “You’d actually be willing to do all this just to keep your job?”

“Yeah,” I tell him, “but it’s not just about that. With me as executive, you’ll have the regulars and you’ll get solid reviews, but with Wilks, you’ll get something more. You’ll get an innovator and I’m willing to bet you $10,000 that if you give him enough room to do what he wants to do, this place is going to be packed every night from here until you retire a wealthy, wealthy man.”

“You’ll be down something like $60,000 a year,” Jim says. “Are you sure you’re okay with that? I mean, why not just go somewhere else and do the executive thing there?”

“Because I’d rather stick with something that I love,” I tell him.

“I can’t just fire Cannon, though,” Jim says. “He’s been here as long as you have.”

“Yeah, but he’s worthless. I’m actually good at what I do and you were ready to let me go.”

Jim chuckles. “Is he really that bad?”

“He’s terrible,” I answer. “You wouldn’t believe how many times I have to have him redo a dish before it’s anywhere near good enough to send out.”

“And why is it that you didn’t tell me about that before tonight?”

“I figured that if you were going to try and replace me with someone, it’d be the sous chef. As long as that’s Cannon, I never really felt like I had anything to worry about. He’s never been a threat.”

“So, I’m just supposed to believe that all this is genuine and you’ve suddenly turned benevolent because a blowjob in a parking lot made you realize that there was more to life than screwing people over?”

I laugh. “Well, when you put it that way, anything’s going to come across suspect.”

“And you’re not yanking my chain about taking a massive pay cut?”

“If it’ll help get things turned around, then that’s what we need to do. When Wilks starts bringing in the hordes, you can always give me a raise.”

Jim scoffs.

“That must have been one life-changing blowjob,” he says. “All right, we’ll do it. I’ll let Cannon know at the end of his shift, and we’ll get Wilks started tomorrow.”

“Okay,” I tell him and walk to the door. “You might want to make sure you tell Cannon outside the restaurant. He’s one of those predators that plays victim until someone really calls him on his shit. That’s when he explodes like a toddler’s diaper and all the shit starts oozing out.”

“Thanks for the visual, Dane,” Jim says, smiling. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

For the first time since I can remember, I leave the restaurant in a good mood. I don’t mean to screw over Cannon, but the guy is pretty fucking useless on pretty much every level imaginable.