“I know you’re right, but my bug holds sentimental value. Does it have air-conditioned seats? Of course not, but I helped build it,” she says with a pout. A tiny smile creeps up as she leans into me. “Adam thinks we should give it to Abbie. It’s the perfect car for a college girl, don’t you think?”

I gasp, then cover my mouth and look behind me to be sure no one is listening. I’d hate to ruin the surprise. “Sara, she’s going to be thrilled! That’s so generous of you.”

“Honestly, it’s the only thing that makes giving up my car feel right. My life is so blessed, and I want to give a little good fortune to Abbie. She’s overcome so much in her life, and she works so hard. For once, I want her to feel a little spoiled.”

Happy tears build, and I laugh. My emotions are all over the place these days, so it’s no surprise when I become a blubbering mess. At least they are tears of joy. Today, I consider that fact a win.

“You have to get a picture of her face when you tell her. It’s going to be epic.” I reach over and squeeze Sara’s hands excitedly.

“Oh no. What did you do to her, Sara? I wonder if the child’s eyes have an off switch,” Caroline says with a laugh as she bounds into the room and throws a stack of papers on top of the desk.

“Oh hush, Caroline, I’m fine. You’re exaggerating.”

Caroline raises an eyebrow.

Sara rises from the chair and gives both Caroline and me a quick hug. “Gotta run. I’m picking up Lily and Gage from school today. I’ll keep you posted, Celia,” she says with a wink.

Caroline doesn’t miss a beat, flittering around the office, stuffing art supplies in her bag. I grab the giant paper stack she deposited on the desk and move it to the side. She giggles as she watches me.

“I’ll be out of your hair shortly, Oh Organized One. I have my monthly art therapy session in Pineville tonight, so I’d like to go home and catch a nap before. Once I leave, you can continue this exercise of futility without interruption from me.”

Pineville? Did she just say Pineville?

The folder in my hand freezes in midair, and my breath catches in my throat. That’s Lucas’s hospital.

“You run a therapy session at the Pineville hospital?” I whisper, watching her reaction closely.

“Mm-hm,” she says, avoiding my eyes.

She turns her back to me and continues pulling supplies from the cabinets.

“How long have you been going there? Why didn’t I know?”

She drops her bag on the floor and stands up straight, but doesn’t turn around.

“For years. And it wasn’t important.”

Years … years. When she leaves her supplies in a heap on the floor and takes a seat in the chair beside me, there’s no denying the truth.

“You know,” I croak, my previous happy tears turning into something entirely different.

She reaches out and grabs my hand, giving it a tight squeeze. “Tread lightly, Celia. What I know isn’t up for discussion. My work and my personal life are very separate. I’m not allowed to carry knowledge from one part of my life into the other. You know this better than anyone. But I love you like a daughter. Over the last few years, I’ve watched you grow as a therapist, all the while struggling with your personal life. I’m here for you, if there are ever things you need to get off your chest.”

I’m not sure what it is about this day. Is it Caroline’s gentle eyes, Lucas’s refusal to see me, or my frustration and grief over losing Cain? Whatever it is, I no longer feel the need to keep the Landrys’ secret. Why in the world should I? There is no shame in Lucas’s struggle. The only shameful act I see is Gene and Cindy Landry trying to hide their son’s illness to the detriment of him. That’s the true sin in all of this, and I’m tired of playing by their rules.

I’m done with the lies.

“You see, Caroline, it all started with a secret…”

“That’s quite a story, my dear,” Caroline says as she leans back and crosses her arms. “I’ve always wondered why you never confided in me. I feel close to you in many ways, but you have always fiercely guarded that part of your life. I was beginning to think no one would ever break down your defenses … until Cain.”

Delight flickers in her eyes, and I wish I could feel the same. Is it freeing to say the words out loud—to confess my sins, lay all my regret on the line? Of course it is, but the facts remain the same.

I’m still completely alone.

“I didn’t intend to shut you or anyone else out, but I felt as if it wasn’t my secret to tell. My past actions caused a great deal of pain for Lucas’s family, and, because of that, I respected their wishes regarding him. But I feel differently now. As far as I’m concerned, it’s no longer my secret to keep, and if I can help Lucas by bringing things to light, I’ll tell anyone who’ll listen. I hate how badly I’ve screwed things up.”

“Now, what in the world makes you think all of this falls on your shoulders?” Caroline huffs, exasperated by my comment.

“Are you kidding? I think his suicide attempts and six-year stint in a mental hospital would be explanation enough.” I let out a humorless laugh. “Or should I touch on how I doomed Cain’s and my relationship from the start by building it on a half truth? Had I not been vague from the beginning, maybe we would have had a chance. That lie permanently stained any future he and I could have.”

“When will you get it? Love isn’t about a perfect start or a flawless journey. The stains are the good part—they make everything you’re fighting for real and unique. The key to finding love and keeping it is embracing the stains … the scars … the fuck ups,” she says, matter-of-factly.

“Is that so?”

“Yes, it is, and I’ll tell you something else. The origin of your relationship with Cain isn’t the problem. The crux of it all lies in the fact that you’ve given your life away. You let one mistake lead you down the wrong path. It’s time to belong to yourself again, dear girl, instead of everyone else,” Caroline says, giving me a knowing smile. “And I’m happy you seem to have finally caught up. Feeling a bit more free today?”

“Yes, I do,” I whisper, trying my best to hold back the grin pulling at my lips.

“Then I’d say it’s time to go get your boy.”

I sigh. “It’s not that easy, Caroline. I need to get things right with Lucas before I can move forward with my life, not that any of that matters. Cain is with Kimberly now. Just because I finally woke the hell up doesn’t mean anything changes for Cain. He did what I asked him to do. He moved on with his life, and I have to respect that.”

“Girl, what am I going to do with you? Stop worrying about the order of things and listen to that beautiful heart beating in your chest. There are times when life isn’t about doing the right thing at the right time. Sometimes you have to do what you feel and find a way to make it right,” she scolds as she pokes me in the chest. “Go make stains, Celia. Spray indelible ink all over the place. Make a messy life, and love every minute of it. That’s what I want for you.”

Her words spark a fire in me. I know what I want—there isn’t a single doubt in my mind. I want morning whispers across the pillows, bathed in the warmth of the morning sun. I want that with Cain. If I close my eyes, I still feel his lips gently resting on mine, his breath dancing across my flushed cheeks. I want to lay my head over his heart and fall asleep to the gentle rise and fall of his chest soothing me. I want to gaze upon his face and feel completely at peace and in love.

It’s possible Cain will laugh in my face or slam the door before I even get a word out. Hell, Kimberly may open the door and scratch my eyes out with her pointy red nails. I shudder to think of getting beat down by her humongous boobs. Whatever the outcome, I have to try. I have to fight. Cain means too much to me.