My head jerks back at her words and the force behind them. “I only wanted to take back the pain I inflicted, the irrevocable damage I caused to you . . . us. Everything keeps coming at me. I close my eyes at night and see your lifeless face, your limp body. I haven’t been able to sleep in my bed because just the smell of you on my sheets takes me right back to that night. And knowing what I did to you . . .” I take a deep breath, trying to quell the burn that threatens to engulf me. “It’s been hard to fucking breathe, let alone continue to go on every day knowing I can’t have you.”
Her eyes soften and she immediately drops to her knees beside me, cupping my face her in her hands. “You are the one who said goodbye. You are the one who walked away. You didn’t just take that last part of you away, you took back every other piece you’d given me.” Her voice hitches and it hits me hard that the damage wasn’t done that night—it was done during the hours afterward when I couldn’t face her. I may have been struggling with the consequences of my actions but the way I handled it hurt Luce more than my hands ever could. “I love you, Callum. But you can’t take everything that is you away from me because I won’t let you. I’m holding on and never letting go.”
I reach out and wrap my arms around her waist, burying my face in her neck as my body shakes with the realization that forgiveness is automatic with her—she didn’t even have to think about it because in her mind, my only fault was not staying by her side.
When her arms slip around my shoulders and pull me in tight, I know deep in my soul that I’d do anything and everything for this woman.
Placing a gentle kiss at the hollow of her throat, I lift my head and kiss her chin, then the hinge of her jaw before stopping my mouth just below her ear. “I’ll live every day for the rest of my life knowing I will never again deserve you, but I’ll fight to the death to have you anyway,” I vow, and I don’t miss the sob that escapes as her body shudders against mine.
I lift a knee and rise up, taking her with me as I lower us down onto the sofa beside us, my body resting to the side of hers but soon pulled up and over so my full weight is against her.
She runs her thumb across my bottom lip, her wet eyes glued to my mouth as she slowly glides back and forth. I instinctively grind my hips against hers, the gratifying whimper touching me so deeply I have to cover her mouth with mine as if she’s the very air I need to breathe.
With all the time in the world, it’s as if the two of us want to rediscover each other. We spend seconds, minutes, hours, tentatively at first and slowly growing bolder, more desperate and more fevered. I set about worshiping her. My sole focus is on pouring all of my remorse, regret, love and heartfelt devotion into every touch, apologizing with my body over and over with the hope she’ll feel it in the depths of her soul that I mean every word I say.
The moment I let my guard down, she had all of me and every day since then, she has cherished the gift with the knowledge that she’s the only one to ever have that.
Hours later, with a sleeping Lucia in my arms, my mind relives the morning. I find what brings me the most peace is the knowledge that the craving I once let decide my actions—the thing I most gravely feared—no longer controls me.
That mask of mine—the well-fitted armor that has seen me through the highest of highs and the lowest of lows—now lies shattered on my living room floor. I’m no longer shackled by the self-protection mechanism I relied upon for so long.
The freedom is exhilarating, the relief liberating, and just like her forgiveness, it is the most selfless gift Lucia could’ve ever given me.
![Crave _31.jpg](https://litlife.club/books/267865/read/images/_31.jpg)
“You left me no choice,” Grant says, not even trying to hide his smug grin. “And going by that rare, and I’d thought almost extinct smile on your face, I’d say that all is well in the Alexander-Harding household.”
“You could say that,” I mutter, as I lift my coffee cup to my mouth.
“By the way, have you heard from Graves? He left the office at lunchtime yesterday, and I haven’t seen him since,” he says.
“No? Should I have?” I ask in confusion.
“You had that meeting with him yesterday afternoon, remember? The one you rescheduled when your day got unexpectedly brighter?”
“I asked Annie to talk to him. I’ve had to cancel a few times on him now, and I did actually want to look at his plans.”
“They’re good. He’s quite talented. He’s still green but with time and the right mentorship, he could end up being a real asset to the firm.”
“And personality-wise?”
“Well, he seems loyal and has a willingness to put in the hours when needed. Out of all the interns this year, he would be the one I wouldn’t mind keeping on. He’s well-versed in your designs, he’s confident enough to make suggestions for improvement, and he’s a hard worker. I think we should snap him up before anybody else can.”
“Any concerns?”
“Other than the fact he’d rather work with you than me?” he responds with a laugh. “Bad taste aside, I think we should offer him the chance to continue working for the firm once he graduates.”
I nod in agreement. “I’ll have a look at his plans and we can look at making him a formal offer after that. Agreed?”
“Sounds good to me,” Grant says, standing up from his seat. “Now I have a lunch date with a hot blonde. I may be late.” He winks at me and waggles his eyebrows suggestively. Rolling my eyes, I lift my hand and shoo him off. “Some of us have work to do, Richardson. Maybe I can give you shit for having a ‘just laid’ smile.”
“One can only hope, Alexander.”
Then he’s gone, and I’m back to catching up on paperwork and going through the messages from yesterday.
Now that Lucia and I have reunited, the weight that has been burdening me feels lighter and definitely more manageable. I left her asleep this morning, lying in my bed wearing nothing but a well-sated smile. She’s a sight I want to wake up to every morning, a vision I want to fall asleep to every night, and the woman I want to keep close for the rest of my life.
If she can forgive me, accept me, and still love me despite everything that has happened between us, there is no one and nothing else I will ever need. Never will I stop working hard to prove that I’m deserving of her.
“Callum . . .” I look up to see Carmen fucking Dallas leaning against my office door with a saccharine-sweet smile on her face.
“Ms. Dallas,” I say through gritted teeth, standing up and walking around my desk to greet her. “For what do I owe this pleasure and how did you get past my piranha receptionist?” I hold out my arm and direct her toward the chair opposite my desk.
“Your darling receptionist was otherwise engaged, so I took the opportunity while her back was turned and here I am,” she says, her voice filled with a calculating undertone.
“How fortunate,” I mutter under my breath as I return to my office chair and face her.
“Indeed. You’re a difficult man to get hold of.”
“I’m a busy man who has other more pressing matters to deal with than a reporter with an axe to grind and a bee in her bonnet.”
“Callum, you wound me.” She feigns offense before crossing her legs and pinning me with a knowing stare.
“I thought you would’ve gotten that message when I didn’t return any of your . . .” I flick through the notes on my desk, “ . . . ten calls?”
“The public deserves to know the truth about their favorite son.”
“I never asked for that role, Ms. Dallas. In fact, it was you who gave me many if not all of my titles. I’m an architect. I design buildings. I am not a man who has ever strived to be the playboy bachelor gracing the gossips pages of the Tribune.”