![Crave _30.jpg](https://litlife.club/books/267865/read/images/_30.jpg)
I slowly make my way over to her table and my heart stops when she gifts me a beaming smile.
“You came,” she says softly.
“Grant . . .”
“I didn’t know if you would.” She gestures beside her. “Sit down, Cal. You’re kind of more conspicuous if you stay standing.”
“Good point,” I reply and take a seat. We sit there in silence, more awkward than comfortable. My mind races at all the things I’ve been wanting to say to her for days. “How are you?”
“I’m good. I have a check-up in a few weeks and I’ve been advised to . . . curtail . . . that type of activity in future, but I’m feeling normal.” She seems wary, completely unlike the usually confident and often brazen woman I love.
For the past few days I’ve been biding my time, building up the courage to take that first step. My father’s words have been all I’ve been able to think about over the weekend. How strong Luce is, how committed she was to me, taking everything that came hand in hand with me without question. Not once did she doubt what we had because of it.
Instead it was me who continually doubted everything, not trusting what we had enough to show her that final part of me. Now, if I’m going to fight for her, I need to be completely honest, lay it all out and hope she can forgive me.
She deserves nothing less than everything I can give her.
“Cal?” she asks quietly, dragging me away from my thoughts. I can’t seem to drag my eyes away from the black wool scarf covering her neck.
I reach out and touch her forearm, gently running my fingers down along her skin and entwining them with hers. She doesn’t pull away; in fact, she seems to welcome it.
“I have so much I want to say . . .”
“Just don’t say sorry again. I couldn’t bear it.” Her eyes are wet with unshed tears as they pin me with her silent plea. “I don’t blame you, but you still shut me out. I need you to not shut me out again, because we’ve come too far and been through too much to go back.”
My throat tightens and I flex my fingers in hers, the words I’m desperate to say getting stuck in my throat. “Can we go somewhere private?” I ask, just as I see a camera flash in my peripheral. Turning my head, I see a woman is sitting a few tables away from us with her cell phone pointed our way. I look back at Lucia.
“Call your car service, Cal. We’ll go to your place. I’d rather not give the public the show they seem to want.” Her voice is strong and steady, defiantly so. There’s a determination in her tone that’s supported by the squaring of her shoulders, and it buoys me. This is the Lucia I fell in love with. This Lucia is the woman who is my foundation.
Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I lift it to my ear and order a town car to pick us up. I also send Annie a text message asking her to clear my day, making a note for her to talk to Graves about deferring our meeting to tomorrow.
“All set,” I tell her as I lift my cup to my mouth and take a delayed first taste of my coffee.
“How have you been?” she asks, her thumb now caressing my hand in a calming gesture that’s surprisingly effective. I feel the tension caused by this surprise meeting ease and a familiar—and not unwelcome—warmth spreads through me.
“I’ve been better.”
“Me too,” she replies. I can’t help my eyes from drifting down to her neck again.
“Don’t let your mind go there, Cal,” she says, leaning toward me. She raises her other hand to my cheek, cupping my jaw and gently stroking my skin with her fingers. Her eyes are soft, full of feeling, and my heart lifts in hope that there is still a chance for us. “There’s no mask today. I want you to promise me that whatever happens from here on in, you will not let your mind go back to that place. If we’re going to move forward, we can’t look back.”
When she moves back, I look over her shoulder to see a black car stop at the curb outside.
“The car’s here. You ready?” I ask. Lucia’s answering smile and gentle squeeze of her hand on top of mine tells me she didn’t miss the double meaning.
“Let’s go,” she says, standing up from the table. Keeping our hands together, we walk outside to our waiting ride home.
Home.
![Crave _9.jpg](https://litlife.club/books/267865/read/images/_9.jpg)
As soon as we pull away from the curb, Lucia reaches out and slides her fingers between mine, as if she senses my need for her to anchor me. The car ride is quiet though, the air filled with contemplation and anticipation as anxiety fills me, and I wonder what lies ahead when we are finally alone again.
I pass the time texting back and forth with Annie as she rearranges my calendar, only looking up when the driver slows at the gates leading to my house.
With my hand resting at the small of her back, I lead Lucia up the stairs and into the living area.
And then my mind goes blank.
There are times in a man’s life when he can doubt himself. Even the most confident and self-assured man can be forced to take stock of his life and face what and who they truly want.
For the first time in my thirty-four years, I’m at the precipice of something bigger than myself. The importance of such a moment is so monumental that the fear of the unknown is almost paralyzing. I close my eyes and take a deep calming breath.
Then I feel the heat of her body in front me, opening my eyes to meet hers as her fingers curl around my biceps.
“Cal, you need to relax. I’m still Lucia and you’re still Callum. I still love you and you still love me. Everything else is just details we need to iron out.”
I choke on the words. “Iron out?”
“Let’s go sit down.”
She grabs my hand and tugs gently, walking over toward my dark gray couch and I wait until she’s taken a seat before releasing her hand and walking to the floor-to-ceiling window leading to the balcony.
Again, the silence is deafening as I try to collect my thoughts and feelings. This is my chance to ‘fight for her.’
I turn around and like it has every other time I’ve looked at her, her beauty sucker punches me and I know—I just know—that I would do anything to have this woman back in my life. I’d give up everything I’ve worked for, achieved, and anything I may do in future—for her. Nothing has any meaning unless she’s right there with me.
“Cal?”
Compelled by the need to be near her while we talk, I make my way to her side, kneeling on the floor between her legs.
“I love you. I don’t remember what my life was like before falling in love with you, and I don’t want to. I hurt you and it ripped me apart seeing you injured and knowing it was at my hands.”
“But it wasn’t just you,” she says.
“I wasn’t in the right state of mind to even be considering doing that, and I lost my way in the heat of the moment. I will forever regret doing that to you, and I deserve to lose you.”
“Cal, you’re one of the strongest men I know. You could allow the weight of the world to drown you, and you could let it crush your spirit, but you don’t. You gave me your trust and although we went about it the wrong way at the wrong time, don’t ever apologize for reaching out that hand and asking for help. You’ve closed out a lot of people who love you for too long to pull back now.”
We just stare at each other, Lucia breathing heavy with her eyes full of emotion.
I rake my hands over my face, running my fingers through my hair. Swallowing hard, my voice is rough when I’m finally able to speak. “I know it’s selfish, but Luce, I need you. You’re more important than anything that comes with being me. I’d give it all up if you would ever consider forgiving me.”
She stands up storms towards me with her eyes full of anger. “You don’t get to take back what you gave to me, Callum. I asked you to give me all of you because it would’ve come between us and now . . . now you’re saying you want to erase all of that because you feel bad?”