I start down the stairs when someone grabs me from behind.

“Got a second?” Toby asks.

I look around at the crowded hallway. “This isn’t a good time. People can see us.”

“Then meet me fifth period. Please.” His eyes plead with me before he walks away, getting lost in the flow of traffic. I can’t help wondering how he got away from Meredith.

All morning I debate meeting Toby. I know if I’m around him, I won’t be able to end this, but a huge part of me thinks I should end it. I won’t have to lie to Tori anymore or risk jeopardizing our friendship. Toby and Meredith could be the power couple everyone thinks they are, and my life can go back to normal. Only I don’t want normal. I want Toby.

Mrs. Engleberg nods off about ten minutes into study hall, so I grab my bag and head to the stage. I have to take the long way to dodge the security cop, and Toby is already behind the stage curtain when I get there.

“I thought you weren’t coming,” he says.

“I did too.” I fiddle with the strap of my bag, not sure how long I’m staying.

“I didn’t buy her that necklace.”

“You didn’t?”

He steps toward me. “Of course not. She bought it over the weekend when we were at the mall.”

“You’re hanging out on weekends now too?”

“I had no excuse not to. You won’t see me, remember?”

I shake my head. “Don’t turn this around on me. You don’t have to go along with her plan.”

“It’s what you wanted. You asked me to do this. For us. Or did you forget that?” His tone is more hurt than angry.

“I’m sorry. I know this isn’t fair to either one of us.”

“You really thought I’d buy her a necklace?”

I shrug, and my bag slips from my shoulder. Toby grabs it for me, putting it back in place and brushing my hair behind my back. “So, she bought it for herself and told everyone you gave it to her? That’s kind of sad.”

“What can I say? She wants her status back. I’m just a means to get it.”

“That’s not all you are.”

“To her it is.” He lowers his head. “And after our conversation on Friday, I’m not sure I mean anything to you anymore either.”

“You do.”

He raises his eyes to mine. “If I asked you to prove it, would you?”

“Here?”

“This is our spot.”

“In hiding.” I nod and let out a sigh. “I hate that our spot is a secret. That all we are is a secret.”

“It was fun at first, but I’m pretty tired of it too.”

Is that why he asked me to come here? To tell me he’s giving up on us? “I understand.”

“Understand what?”

“What you’re trying to say.”

“Which is?” He wrinkles his brow at me, not following.

“You don’t want to sneak around anymore.”

“We haven’t been. Not really.”

I nod again. “I get it. Um, I guess, thanks for telling me.”

He shakes his head. “Telling you what? I feel like we’re having two different conversations right now.”

“That you don’t want to be with me. It’s fine.” I choke on the last word. It’s anything but fine, but maybe this is the only answer for us.

He grabs my hand. “No, it’s not. Because that’s not what I’m saying at all.”

“Then what are you saying?”

“I want to come clean.”

“About?”

He grabs my face and stares into my eyes. “Damn, Becca, why aren’t you getting this? I want to come clean about us. Tell Tori. Tell everyone. I’m tired of pretending I’m not into you. I’m tired of seeing you and not being able to kiss you.” His eyes lower to my lips. “If I ask for permission to kiss you, are you going to turn me down?”

“Are you asking permission to ask me permission?” I give a small laugh, and he does the same.

“I guess I am.”

“Then you have my permission.”

“To ask or to kiss you?” His eyes search mine.

Instead of answering, I lean forward and kiss him. It’s not like last time. I don’t feel hurt anymore. I feel like fixing this. All of it. Because Toby and I should be together, and I need to make everyone see that. He wraps his arms around me and lifts me off the ground. I let out a little laugh, and he sets me back down.

“Does this mean we’re okay?” he asks.

“Yeah, but we have to do something. This can’t go on.”

“I agree.” He removes his hands from my waist and turns away.

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t think straight when I’m touching you.”

I smile, loving that I have that effect on him.

“I’ll have to talk to Meredith. Tell her it’s over.”

“What’s over?” Meredith pulls the curtain aside and joins us backstage.

Toby whirls around to face her, and I take a step toward him. It’s not that I’m afraid of Meredith. I’m not. It’s just that Toby and I haven’t figured this out yet, and there’s no way she’s going to help us.

“What are you doing here?” he asks.

“Well, I was looking for you, and Jeff said he saw you heading toward the stage.” She looks at me. “Who knew I’d find both of you?”

“I never said I was going to stop seeing Becca.” Toby’s voice is strong, confident. I wish I felt the same way.

“And what would you have done if someone else walked in on you two doing…?” She looks between us.

“That’s not your concern,” Toby says.

“Oh I think it is, boyfriend.”

“Yeah, about that.” Toby steps toward her. “You have until the party on Saturday to break up with me.” He looks over his shoulder at me. “Because I’m taking Becca.”

“You are not! I say when this is over, Toby. Not you!”

He faces her again, not the least bit intimidated. “Not anymore. I’m telling Tori the truth. I’m only telling you first to be nice.”

I’ve never wanted to kiss him more.

“To be nice? Don’t do me any favors.” Meredith practically spits the words out.

“Okay, fine. We can tell everyone now. Becca and I will walk out of here holding hands, and it will all be over.”

“Like hell you will!” She looks at me. “Talk some sense into him before he ruins this for both of us.”

“Meredith, we’re being more than reasonable here. Just break up with Toby. He’s still willing to let you be the one to end it. Your reputation will remain intact.” She has to let this go.

“For like two seconds. You can’t show up at the party together. You two can’t start dating right after we break up. What will people think?”

Toby stands up straight and looks right at Meredith. “That’s not my problem. Or Becca’s.”

“Look,” I say. “If you don’t want it to look like Toby and I got together the second you broke up with him—”

“You mean dumped his ass.” She crosses her arms in front of her.

“Whatever. If you don’t want it to look that way, then do it soon. It’s Monday. That gives you five days until the party.”

“That’s still not enough time.”

Toby grabs my hand, lacing his fingers through mine. “Yeah, well it’s the most you’re going to get.”

Meredith shakes her head. “This is unbelievable. How am I going to explain this?” She holds up her necklace. “I just paraded this necklace around, talking about what a great boyfriend you are. What reason could I possibly give for dumping you right after you bought me an expensive gift?”

“I guess you shouldn’t have lied and said Toby gave it to you,” I say.

She scoffs. “Like you’re one to talk. You’ve been lying to your best friend for who knows how long. You’re no better than me, so don’t think for a second that you are. I’m the type of person who gets what she wants. You”—she looks down at me—“you’re nothing special.”

I never realized her hatred for me was this deep, but she clearly resents having me in her life. My house is bigger than hers. My parents have better jobs than hers. I never even thought about that, but clearly she has, and she’s been trying to make up for it ever since the Barbie lunchbox incident.

“You can’t talk to her like that,” Toby says. “And in case you haven’t noticed, you’re the only one who thinks you’re better than everyone else.”