Toby knocks on the door. “Becca, you want to hit the books tonight?”

“But it’s Friday night,” Tori says. “Why aren’t you going to Jeff’s party?”

He shrugs. “Meredith wasn’t feeling well.”

“Let me guess. She has cramps. She was extra bitchy today.” Tori laughs.

“Maybe,” Toby says.

“Ooh, trouble in paradise already?” Tori asks.

Toby ignores her. “So, Becca, what do you say?” He looks hopeful. We haven’t hung out since Saturday. I’m dying to be alone with him, but after the week I’ve had, I don’t know if I can handle it. Even though he was only pretending, he still spent the week kissing Meredith instead of me. I can’t just pretend that didn’t happen.

“Go study. I have to get ready. Ryder’s picking me up in an hour.” Tori grabs her towel and ushers me out the door. I guess I don’t have a choice. I follow Toby to his room.

“I don’t even have my trig book, you know,” I say, stepping into his room.

He shuts the door and whirls around to face me. “Good.” He pulls me into him and presses his lips against mine. Everything I’ve felt for the past week comes crashing down on me. I can’t keep it in anymore. Tears stream down my cheeks, and he pulls away.

“Whoa, that wasn’t the reaction I was hoping for.”

I shake my head and wipe my face with my fingers. “I’m sorry. I just can’t do this.” I sit down on his bed and pull my knees to my chest. The ache inside me is overwhelming. “It was actually better when you didn’t even know I liked you. When I didn’t know you liked me.”

“Don’t say that.” He sits next to me and rubs my back.

I raise my head to look at him. “You have no idea what it’s like to watch you be with her.”

“But you know it’s just an act. I don’t care about her. All I want to do is be with you. I’ve been dying to kiss you all week. I even went to the stage every day during fifth period, hoping you’d show up.”

Part of me knew he would, which is why I avoided it. The fact that this is all an act doesn’t erase that it’s happening. “I can’t kiss you. I can’t stand the thought of kissing you after I know you’ve been kissing her.”

“When I kiss her, I feel nothing. It’s just a quick peck. Nothing.”

“Put yourself in my shoes. Would you be able to watch me kiss another guy?”

He turns away, curling his hand into a fist. “No.”

“Look. I think until this thing with Meredith is over, we need to stop whatever this is.”

“Don’t say that.” He puts his hand on my knee.

“Toby, I can’t. It’s just too hard. Once she breaks up with you, we can see if we still feel the same way about each other, but until then…” I swallow the lump in my throat. “I can’t be around you.”

“Wait.” He stands up. “I was objecting to you calling our relationship ‘whatever this is,’ but you don’t want to even be around each other?”

“You think we’re in a relationship?” When did that happen?

“I was hoping we were.” He sits down again. “I’m really new to being someone’s boyfriend, but I definitely didn’t want my first attempt to be with Meredith. I hate this just as much as you do.”

I believe him. I really do, but it doesn’t change our situation. “How much longer do you think Meredith is going to make you go through with this?”

He shrugs. “I was thinking I’d start acting like a tool and hope she ends it sooner.”

“Just don’t piss her off too much. She might extend your punishment instead.”

“Good point.” He tilts my chin toward him. “So you really won’t kiss me until Meredith is history? I could wash my mouth out with soap if you want.”

I smile. “Come on. I’m not that good a kisser that you’d be willing to endure that torture.”

“I’m enduring Meredith for you. A little soap is nothing.”

I lean forward and press my lips to his. He wraps his arms around me, and I can tell he’s dying to let loose. But I keep my legs pulled into my chest, forming a barrier between us. He lets go.

“I’m not trying to punish you, you know.”

He nods. “I know. I get it.”

“Um, I sort of told your sister that we were planning a surprise party for her next weekend.”

His head yanks back. “Where did that come from?”

“It was my sorry attempt at a change of subject.” I was hoping to ease this tension between us, but it’s a major fail.

He stands up. “If I can’t touch you right now, I’m going to sit over there. Okay?” He points to his desk chair.

I nod. Distance is probably good. I’m not sure how long I can hold out either before I cave.

“So, why did you tell Tori we were throwing her a party?”

“She saw you called me and that we talked for an hour.”

“She went through my phone? I have text messages on there from you, too.”

I wave my hand. “I don’t think she saw them. She picked up your phone by mistake, and she tried to dial me. She saw my number in the call log. That’s all.”

“And she asked you about it.”

“Yup. I had to make up something.”

“A party was a smart idea.”

“Yeah, except now we need to plan it.”

“Well, I can cover the invite list. I’ll just spread the word at school. And we could have it here. It’s too late to book a place on this short notice.”

I nod. “I guess you’ll be taking Meredith.”

“I guess. Unless I get lucky and she dumps me before then. But knowing her, she’ll take my birthday and make it all about her. The girlfriend of the birthday boy.”

“You just called her your girlfriend.” The word is like a sucker punch to my heart.

“I just meant that’s how she’ll see it.”

“Right.” I feel my dinner threatening to come up. I get up and walk toward the door. “Well, I guess you have the party under control, so I’m going to head out.”

“Becca, wait.” He jumps up and reaches for me. “Please don’t go.”

“I have to.” How can he not see how this is tearing me up inside? I know he’s a guy, but come on. I shouldn’t have to spell this out for him.

“You’re not going to wait for me, are you?”

I meet his eyes, and for the first time, looking at him doesn’t make my heart flutter. “I don’t know.”

Chapter Eighteen

“Look what Toby bought for me!” Meredith holds her necklace up for her admirers to see. “Isn’t he the sweetest boyfriend ever?” She turns and smiles at him.

I study his face, trying to see if it’s true. Did he really buy her a present? Did I ruin everything Friday night when I said I wasn’t sure if I was going to wait for him?

“Hey, what’s up?” Tori leans against my locker. Ryder adjusts his bag on his shoulder and nods at me, his typical greeting.

I tilt my head in Meredith’s direction. “I guess your brother bought her a present.”

“That dick. My birthday is this weekend, and he buys her an expensive gift. All I know is, he better have spent a pretty penny on me, or he’s getting a serious ass kicking.”

“Your birthday’s this weekend?” Ryder teases. Tori elbows him in the stomach in a really playful way. They’re cute together. Too cute.

“Well, I’ve had my fill of couples for one day.”

“But it’s only seven a.m.,” Tori says.

“What’s your point?” I shut my locker. “Your party is all taken care of. Toby really handled all of it, so you can thank him.”

“Ugh, you let Toby handle it? Great. There’ll be basketball decorations, beer, and beef jerky. Thanks, Becca. You’re supposed to be my best friend. Couldn’t you have at least made sure he didn’t ruin my party?”

“First, it’s supposed to be a surprise, so we shouldn’t even be talking about this. Second, he’s always with Meredith. It’s not like I could help him plan it.”

“Then why did you involve him in the first place?”

I shrug. It’s not easy to avoid lying, no matter how hard I try. “I’ll fix it. Don’t worry.” I take off toward my class with Meredith’s squeals of joy chasing me down the hall.