“He got into a fight?” Why do I bother playing dumb?

“No, he was making out with his mystery girl. That means on Monday, we have to find out where he is fifth period.”

There goes my fifth period slice of heaven each day. I shut my locker and start toward class. “Tori, this obsession is crazy. It’s like you’re stalking your brother. Think about that for a second.”

“I’m not stalking him. That would be gross. I’m trying to dig up dirt on him. Totally normal sibling stuff.”

“If you say so. Hey, did Toby say anything else about you and Ryder hanging out?”

“No. I’ve been asking him all week too. I’m starting to think he made it all up.”

“Then why don’t you call Ryder and find out?”

She stops, grabbing my arm, so I stop too. “And look totally desperate? Um, not a chance.”

“Do you want me to ask Toby for you when he tutors me tonight?”

“Yes, please!” She smiles and squeezes my arm before walking into class.

Well, at least she doesn’t have a problem with me talking to Toby about things other than trig. It’s a start.

***

Toby’s cell rings for the third time.

“You can get that if you want.”

He takes the book off his lap and grabs his phone. “No one important.”

“Is it Ryder? Tori is dying for you to set her up with him.”

“Already taken care of.” He turns toward me and cups the side of my face, leaning in for a kiss.

I kiss him quickly and pull back. “What do you mean?”

He groans. “Do we have to talk about my sister? It kind of kills the mood.”

I laugh. “Tell me what I want to know and I promise to put you back in the mood.” I lean forward and kiss his neck.

“Nope. I’m good.” He pulls me into his lap. Sometimes it feels like we’ve been dating forever. Then something happens to remind me we’re not really dating at all. He’s not my boyfriend. He’s my friend I make out with. That’s enough to kill the mood.

I push him back slightly. “Tell me. Please?”

He sighs and leans back against the headboard. “I got her a date with him tomorrow.”

“Doing what?” This must be how he’s going to get her out of the house so we can go skydiving without running into her.

“Early lunch, followed by a matinee, and then probably a lot of making out, if I know Ryder.”

“That really doesn’t bug you? I mean, he’s going to be groping your sister.”

“She’ll probably be doing most of the groping, and I choose not to think about it.” He makes a face, and his cell rings again.

“So, if that’s not Ryder, who is it?” Am I allowed to ask questions like that? I’m not his girlfriend. I don’t have any claim on him.

“You don’t want to know.”

Now I really do. “Tell me anyway.”

He turns the screen so I can see the name. Meredith. She’s calling him again.

“I thought you let her down gently.”

“Maybe too gently. She said she doesn’t believe I’m seeing someone else, and we should talk this through.”

“Talk what through?” Why won’t she just go away? Can’t she, for once, just accept she can’t always have what she wants? Of course I’m not willing to do that now either. I want Tori and Toby in my life, and I’ve been trying to convince myself that’s possible. But maybe this thing with Meredith is proof that it’s not.

“What went wrong in our relationship or something like that,” Toby says, bringing me out of my mental battle.

Their relationship? I didn’t think they ever really had one. “You two didn’t officially date, did you?”

“No. Not at all.”

I try to remember Toby really dating anyone. Holding hands in the hallway. Going to the movies with anyone. Nothing. “You’ve never had a girlfriend.”

“I don’t like titles.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” I never really thought that we wouldn’t end up being girlfriend/boyfriend at some point—once Tori was okay with it.

“What’s the big deal? Two people hang out because they enjoy being together. Why label it? It just makes things messy later on.”

“You mean when they break up.”

He shrugs. “The way I see it, if you never really label the relationship, you can’t break up. You just part ways. No hard feelings.”

“Like with Meredith? Do you really think she doesn’t have hard feelings? She’s calling you and trying to work things out. She’s miserable without you.” The realization hits me like a Mack truck. “You slept with her.” I feel sick. My stomach churns, thinking about his hands on her. “You wouldn’t call her your girlfriend, but you slept with her. That’s awful. No, it’s worse than awful. It’s…I can’t even think of a word to describe it.” I scramble out of the bed, being careful not to touch him.

“Becca.” He grabs my arm, but I yank it away.

“I can’t be with someone who uses people like that.”

“I didn’t use her. She knew she wasn’t my girlfriend, and I never made her do anything.”

“I don’t see it that way, and I don’t think Meredith does either.”

“Are you saying I pressured her into…?” He shakes his head. “You know me better than that. Please, tell me you know me better.”

“I thought I did, but I also thought you and I were doing more than just making out.” I struggle to keep my voice low so Tori doesn’t hear us.

He grabs my arms and won’t let me break free. “Becca, look at me. Look at me.”

I refuse because I know what will happen if I do. His blue eyes will win me over. I have every right to be pissed right now, and he needs to know what he did was wrong. “No. I don’t want to hear you try to talk your way out of this.”

“Let me explain, and if you still want to leave, I won’t try to stop you.” He bends his knees and lowers his head so our faces are level. “Please, Bec.”

He’s never called me “Bec” before. He’s trying to wear me down with a cute nickname, but it’s going to take a lot more than that.

“If I was only in this for something physical, I’d let you leave. I wouldn’t bother trying to explain. I’d call Meredith back.”

“Is this supposed to make me feel better?” God, he sucks at making up.

“Yes. I’m not that guy. I told you I wasn’t. When Meredith started hanging out with me, I told her I didn’t want a girlfriend, that I’m not the relationship type. She was okay with it.”

“No, she wasn’t. She thought she could change your mind.” Toby’s right. Girls always do think they can change the guys they like. But we’re idiots for thinking it. Meredith is proof.

“I get that now, but that’s not my fault. I was upfront with her.”

Fine. Maybe he was upfront with her, but I’m still majorly hurt. “You never told me that.”

“What?” He furrows his brow, but he loosens his grip on my arms.

“That you didn’t want a relationship.”

“I know.”

“Why? Don’t I deserve the same honesty?”

He lets go of me and sits on his bed. “Of course you do.”

“So then why didn’t you tell me? I want an answer.”

“Because I knew you’d never hang out with me if I told you I don’t do the relationship thing.”

“That’s so the wrong answer, Toby.” Hot tears threaten to spill down my cheeks, but I choke them back and start for the door.

“Just wait. Please.”

I stop, but more because I’m shaking with anger and don’t want to risk having to explain it to Tori on my way out of here. “Why? You just said this means nothing to you. Why would I stay?”

“No, that’s not what I said, and I did try to tell you later on. I said I didn’t know where this was going, and that wasn’t a lie.”

“Yes, it was. You knew exactly where it was going. The only place you let your relationships go. Nowhere.” I’m trying to keep my composure, but I’m dying inside. I thought I was finally getting my dream guy, but maybe Toby isn’t at all who I thought he was.

“That’s not true. I knew you were different. I know you. You aren’t the same as the other girls at school. You’ve always been part of my life. I thought maybe…”

“Maybe what? Toby, you have five seconds before I walk out that door and we’re done.”