I sighed and pulled my blanket up a little higher.

I heard the rumble of his car before I saw it — it was a sound I didn’t even realize I knew. But every nerve fired at once in a shock that sent ice down my spine.

Jimmy pulled into the driveway, and when he stepped out of his car, when I saw him — the angle of his jaw, the curve of his shoulders — I couldn’t breathe. When he looked up at my window and our eyes met, I felt like I’d been shot.

My heart kickstarted in a jolt, and I spun out of my room and down the stairs. Dad was already opening the door, and I stopped dead.

Jimmy stood on the porch, tall and dark with his hair a little too long and a little too messy, eyes sad. A hundred memories with him flashed through my mind in a breath.

“Is she here, Luke?”

Dad’s jaw flexed, eyes narrowed, but he glanced back at me for approval. I nodded, and he moved out of the way. He looked down at me as I approached.

“You just call if you need me.”

“Thanks, Daddy.”

He shot a last look at Jimmy, and when I stepped onto the porch and closed the door behind me, we were alone for the first time in a long time. I didn’t know what to say, standing so close to him after so much had happened. I could smell him, the familiar smell of the boy who I’d shared a thousand nights with. But he wasn’t the same. He was split in two, just like me. The boy I thought I knew and the man standing in front of me.

He shifted, his eyes soft. “I … I’ve missed you.”

I needed something to do with my hands and clasped them behind my back, squeezing them until they almost hurt. “What do you want, Jimmy?”

“I heard you were back. I had to see for myself if it was true.”

“Here I am,” I said simply.

“Did you get my letter?”

“I did.”

He watched me. “There has to be a chance for us, Maggie.”

“You ruined that chance on our wedding day.”

“I’ve loved you ever since I knew what love was. There was a moment when I realized that I loved you, that I was meant to be with you. Did you know?” The words were gentle. He reached for my arm — my left arm — and I let go of my fingers. His big hand slipped down my forearm, to my wrist, and he held my fingers, his thumb running over the place where my ring had once been. “It was just after a game we’d won, the one against Cary, sophomore year. Do you remember?”

“Yes,” I whispered.

“After they took out Ben, Coach put me in to quarterback the end of the game. I’d never been so scared in my life, never wanted to prove my worth so much. I threw that touchdown, and we won. And afterward, when I was standing at the sidelines, covered in sweat, you ran up to me, jumped into my arms. Kissed me and cried and told me you loved me. And I knew right then that I wanted you to be a part of every joy in my life.”

“Jimmy—” The word seared my throat.

“I’ve always loved you, Maggie. I just didn’t know what that meant until you left me.”

I swallowed hard. “I’m sorry it took you so long to figure that out.”

“So am I. You’ve always been a part of my life. Always. Without you here, I can’t find my footing. I don’t know who I am without you. I love you.”

Tears burned the corners of my eyes. “But that’s not how love works. If you loved me, you never would have considered sleeping with someone else, never mind sleeping with everyone else. Love is about respect. It’s about acceptance and protection. Trust. But you disrespected me. You rejected me when you slept with every one of those girls, and that crushed me, ruined me. I will never trust you again.” My hand slipped out of his.

“None of them meant anything to me. None of them compared to you.”

“Then why? Why would you do this to me?”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to figure out. I don’t have any excuses to give, only apologies. Only the promise that I would never do it again.”

“How could I ever trust you again? What you did can’t be undone.”

“There has to be a way to prove it to you. To make you believe.”

Cooper flashed through my mind, and I looked over the boy I used to love, thinking about the man who I left in New York, the differences between the two sharp and stark. They were nothing alike, that was all of a sudden so clear, it was blinding. “You shouldn’t have to prove anything, Jimmy. It should be undeniably clear in every action you take, in every choice you make. I should never even consider doubting you because the truth is plain and simple. And your truth is plain and simple, it’s just not the one you’d have me believe. You never loved me. You loved the idea of me. You got down on one knee and asked a specter to marry you.”

His brow knit together, his eyes shining. “I’m sorry, Maggie. I’ll do anything.”

“You already did enough. I don’t have anything left to give you. You took it all — took so much that you’ve left me empty. I have nothing left to give anyone because of you, because of what you’ve done. I should have seen it. I should have known. But I believed you, and you made a fool of me in front of everyone I’ve ever known.”

“But there has to be a way for me to make it right.”

The answer was clear. “There is. Let me go. Let me go, and leave me be. You can’t claim me. You say you’re sorry, that you don’t want to hurt me, but every time you do this, you hurt me all over again. Every single time I think I’m patched together, you come back along and blow me back up.”

His jaw was set, face tight with emotion. “Change your mind,” he said softly.

“I can’t. I won’t. I’m not yours anymore.”

His eyes searched my face for a long moment, and I saw him recognize the truth in it. “I understand. Maggie, I was wrong, and I’m sorry.”

It was goodbye. Relief and sadness washed over me, and when he reached for me, I stepped into his arms, curled into his chest, felt my heart let go of him.

I was instantly overwhelmed by the proximity, by my emotions, and the tears fell, my shoulders shuddering as I tried to hold back sobs. One of his hands was in my hair, clutching me to his chest, and after a moment, I pulled away, needing to get away from him. But when I looked up at him, his eyes were on my lips. I held my breath, frozen to the spot, hoping to God he wasn’t about to do what I thought he was about to do.

He leaned down, and the second it was clear that he was trying to kiss me, my arms shot out, pushing him away.

“Goddammit, Jimmy.” My voice cracked, tears slipping down my face. “You didn’t listen to one fucking thing I said. You don’t get to kiss me. You don’t get to stand on my porch and remind me of what I never had to begin with. It’s over. I want you to hear me right now. It’s over.” The chains around my heart fell away with every word. “I don’t love you. I don’t want you. I will never be with you. And you will leave me be. Do you understand?”

“Do I have a choice?” He was hurt, and I didn’t care.

“None. If you ever loved me, let me go. Move on. Let me do the same. Please.”

He took a deep breath. “If you change your mind—”

“I won’t.”

“Well, if you do, I’ll be around. I loved you, Maggie. I still do, and I probably always will. It wasn’t your fault, what I did. It was … I don’t know. My own issues. Something inside of me is broken, but that isn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. I just need you to walk away with that.”

I nodded. It was all I could manage.

He watched me for a moment longer, like he was trying to memorize me, and then he walked away.

My entire body trembled as I turned and opened the door, stepped into the entryway, closed the door behind me, feeling exhausted, spent.

My parents were in the kitchen, trying to look inconspicuous — Mom moving things around on the counter, Dad pretending to read at the island. I dragged myself into the room.

Dad looked up from his tablet, his comforting smile not able to disguise his worry. “Shotgun’s just in there, if you want me to grab it.” He jerked his head toward the office.