We rounded a corner, and I nearly ran into Courtney Dixon. She looked borderline ridiculous walking her dog in full-on workout gear, one of those fancy, expensive brands that suburban women wore to Whole Foods and Starbucks even though they probably didn’t even sweat in them. I knew her workout included exactly this — walking her dog through the neighborhood, trolling for boys, using her own ass as bait. She’d been doing it since we were thirteen. Her dark hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail, and her Rottweiler, Tank, had gotten himself all tangled up with Betty.

But neither one of us cared that our dogs looked like a jumbled-up knot of fur and leash. Because one of the last times we’d seen each other, she was in the middle of getting nailed by my fiancé.

Reasons why I hate living in my home town, number two. Number one starts with J and ends with bastard.

Her cheeks flushed. “Maggie? What are you doin’ here? I thought you were in New York?”

Surprisingly, I found my voice, and I didn’t sound like a mouse. “Came back to see Mom and Dad.”

“How are they doin’?” She flipped her ponytail and smiled, trying to look casual. She was nervous as hell. The thought gave me comfort.

I smiled, going for polite, which was hopefully the fastest way out of the conversation. “Oh, they’re great.”

She avoided my eyes, turning to her dog. “Come here, Tank.”

She bent, trying to unwind his leash from around Betty, who stood under Tank’s legs, panting. Betty flopped down on the ground on top of Tank’s leash, and I’m pretty sure she smiled at me.

Courtney glanced up at me. “A little help, Mags?”

I knelt down, smiling. “C’mere, Betty.” She hauled herself up and relocated at my feet. I unwound the leash and looked up to find Courtney watching me, worrying over her bottom lip.

“I’m sorry I haven’t called.”

I stood up a little straighter. “Don’t be. I wouldn’t have answered if you had.”

She wound the leash around her hand, watching her fingers. “I’m sorry for what we did, and all.”

That numb feeling crawled through me like it always did. “I can’t tell you it’s all right.”

“I know. It’s just that … I … I’ve missed you. It’s been hard without you here, without you in my life.”

My brow furrowed, eyes narrowed. “Are you serious?”

She looked like she’d been slapped. “Of course I’m serious. We’ve been best friends since we were in diapers.”

“Yeah, until you fucked my fiancé. On my wedding day. You made that choice, so I’m real sorry that you miss me and all, but maybe you should have thought about that.” I shook my head at her. “I can’t even believe you right now, Court.”

Her brow dropped, cheeks red. “Jimmy’s a whore, and he always has been. He would have fucked anybody — it wasn’t just me. He slept with half of Madison County, for God’s sake.”

My chest was on fire. “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

She hung a hand on her hip, shaking her head. “I’m just saying, Maggie. It wasn’t personal.”

I could barely breathe. “Not personal? What universe do you live in? That is absolutely the most personal it could have gotten. I saw your backstabbing vagina on my wedding day, and it was full of dick. My fiancé’s dick.” I took a few steps away. “All that just goes to show that you were never my friend. And if you hadn’t been fucking him at our wedding, it would have been a year from now, five years from now. I’d rather know that you were a traitor now than later. I mean, how long’s it been going on? Were you giving him blow jobs behind the bleachers in high school? On the stacks in college?”

The look on her face kicked me in mine. It was true. But I just shook my head at her. She couldn’t hurt me anymore, because she wasn’t real. From her hair color to her lip gloss and fancy yoga pants. From the look on her face to her dirty heart. I’d always tried to see the good in her, just like I did Jimmy. Just like I did everyone, until they hurt me and I ran away. They’d made a fool out of me, took advantage of my willingness to trust them. I believed they were better than that. But I was wrong.

I shook my head and let out a breath as I backed away. “You were never my friend, and deep down, I knew it all along. You’ve always known exactly how to make someone feel like a fool. I just didn’t expect you’d do it to me. But you know what? It makes perfect sense. You two deserve each other.”

Her lip curled. “Ugh, bitch.”

I turned and walked away with my heart pounding, feeling a few inches taller and a little more together, wondering if my problems weren’t more tangible than I’d realized.

Cooper

Three days. Three days since I’d heard her voice. Three days of deafening silence.

I’d woken up from a dream yesterday, heart clanging, sweat beaded on my forehead, missing her. Wanting her. All I wanted was to lie in my bed in the dark indefinitely. But I didn’t. I peeled myself out of bed and took a freezing cold shower. Walked through the park to try to find some peace, hoping the sunshine would burn away the thoughts of her.

It didn’t work.

I came home and sat in my living room, watching the city through my windows as the sun set and the city lights blazed, with nothing but a bottle of scotch and memories of her to keep me company. It was the same place I found myself now, the next day, watching the grey clouds roll by, the rain that intermittently fell through the day, streaking my windows, blurring the city beyond.

My phone buzzed on the table next to me again, and I scooped it up, the hope flashing through me as it did every time my screen lit up. But it was just West again.

You can’t stay home forever. Let’s hit the court.

I messaged him back. It’s raining. 

When has that ever stopped us?

Right now.

Come on, man.

I set my phone down again.

Time. Space. Distance. Things that she needed. Things I had to give her. Because the only way to fight for her was to not fight at all. I had to let her go and hope to God she came back to me.

But letting her go was killing me.

I thought about her back home, wondered if Jimmy had tried to see her. He’d already reached out to her and said he wanted her back. I thought of him coming to her, telling her he was sorry, pictured her in his arms. Emotion rolled through me like a storm, lightning and rain, a gust of wind. And then it would burn down again, and I’d stare south at Midtown, my eyes on the skyline, though they didn’t see a single thing.

It went so much deeper than just Maggie. I’d been hiding almost my whole life, hiding pieces of myself from everyone. But I hid nothing from Maggie — it was her superpower. She saw straight through me. And when I lost her, I lost the direction she’d given me, the feeling that I belonged. She was my compass. True North. Without her, the needle spun around and around, searching for that stopping point.

But she was gone.

Someone knocked on my door, and I looked over my shoulder, confused as I stood and walked over. When I opened it, I found West and Patrick in workout clothes with duffle bags slung across their chests. West pressed a basketball into my chest.

“Come on. We’re playing.”

I shook my head and pushed it back at him. “How many times do I have to say no?”

He brushed past me and into the apartment with a smile. “Apparently more than you already did. Get dressed.”

Patrick smirked. “You should probably just do what he says.”

I scowled and turned to find West spinning the basketball on his finger. “What the fuck, man. I said I don’t feel like it. What do you want from me?” I closed the door.

“I want you to quit sitting around here licking your wounds. It’s not doin’ you any good.”

“And you think me playing basketball will make everything better?”